"...and they lived happily ever after" Have you ever wondered just what that means?
I'm sure that we all heard fairy tales as children. Some of us may still be passing these on to our children. The basic tenet of the fairy tale is there is something not right with the world but once the hero/heroine solves this, everything is A-OK! Usually the prince and princess wed or ride off into the sunset or go kill some dragons (endangered species lists weren't very popular back then). And they all live happily ever after. Right?
Fast forward to the 21st century. OK, the dragons are gone, we have indoor plumbing, 300+ channels on TV, and social media sites. Other than that, things are still pretty much the same. So, in today's world, just what does "happily ever after" mean?
OK, let's take a look at this. Janey and Johnny meet online. They've posted some photos (probably a few years old, at least) to make themselves look as physically attractive as possible. Once they meet online, they carefully tell each other only the enhanced, perfect version of their life. Janey works in housekeeping at a local nursing home, so she tells Johnny that she works in the 'health field'. Johnny, having been unemployed for the past year, tells her he is a "freelance blogger and video game tester". It appears that they are both fans of this week's hot pop star and both live for reality TV shows like Ron Paul's Brag Race. Gosh, they are just sooooo perfect for each other! So, after 2-3 whole DAYS of Facebook posts, instant messages, and a couple of actual phone calls, they decide to meet.
Lucky for Janey, Johnny isn't a serial rapist and they meet at the local hipster bar. Much to their amazement, they both order Pabst! They notice (but never say anything about it) that each looks a bit less hot than their online persona...but what the heck, they have so much in common, that they must be made for each other, right?
They spend the evening talking about how lousy the music being programmed by the DJ is (God forbid it be an actual DJ spinning records...or worse...a LIVE band) and titter at each other's clever remarks. "Wow", each one thinks, "I've really landed a good one...this time!".
After a few hours of this banter, and checking out each other's latest tattoo/piercing, they decided that they're so in love, that they go to one of their apartments (the roommate luckily works the night shift) and have 3 whopping minutes of the most average sex of their entire lives!
The next day, they've both changed their relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship". All of their friends type comments like "Congrads" and "It's about time!" and "Your so lukcy". Janey and Johnny decided to take it slow though...it's way too early to think about marriage yet. But it's obvious to everyone that this is THE perfect relationship. The relationship that will stand the tests of time! Screw you Romeo & Juliet, THIS is how ya do it!
In most cases, this would last about 2-3 weeks, followed by changes in relationship status (Janey has changed her relationship status from In A Relationship to Single), much online discussion between friends ("She's a cunt. You can do better" and/or "He's an asshat. I can't believe you went out with him!") and of course the obvious condolences ("True love will find you one day!") and of course, their friends will suggest going out drinking (Yay! More PBR!). But for the sake of argument, let's say that Janey and Johnny DO stick together long enough to turn this NSA relationship into a LTR and they start planning their wedding.
Janey is still working at the nursing home. She is taking courses for her CNA license and has managed to get Johnny a job in maintenance. They're living together in their very own apartment in a funky, slightly run-down, urban neighborhood (there's a really cool bar just up the street! just watch out for the crackheads and hookers). Janey's dad pays for his little princess' dream wedding (complete with reception at the KOC hall...open bar and all the rigatoni you can eat!). And they lived happily ever after...right?
Janey gets her CNA license and is now making $11 an hour. Johnny is still working in maintenance and only making $8. This leads to some grumbling at home. But they're still in love, so it will all work out...right?
Reality sets in. They both work 40 hours a week but usually not the same 40. The mundane creeps in. Bills. Rent. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Johnny just wants to come home from a long day and have a beer and play video games. Janey really wishes he would help out more with the chores. Neither one likes to cook, so they eat a lot of pizza, Chinese takeout and processed foods. They both start looking a bit more plump than they used to. Their sex life, which was once oh so exciting and average, begins to suffer. From twice a day to twice a week to twice a month...but they're still so in love. They can make this work, right?
Johnny starts spending more time out with the guys. Janey whines endlessly to her friends (mostly online). The see increasingly less and less of each other. Their work schedules are skewed and when they do have a night off at the same time, Johnny is either playing video games or he's out with the guys. He NEEDS his time with his friends. Janey complains that she never gets to see her friends (who are mostly in the same boat by now). Johnny tells her if she wants to go out with her damned friends, to just go out! And she does. And Johnny berates her every time...questioning who she's with and how many guys were hitting on her. Things become bitter.
Janey gets pregnant! But...is it Johnny's or maybe that bartender she met when she was out with her friends. She's too sick this morning to give a damn. But wait...there's another pregnancy! Seems Johnny has been diddling a lady in dietary at work! Johnny, of course, denies this. He's too young to be a dad. He doesn't make enough money to take care of one kid, let alone two. Janey has informed him that if he thinks he's going to run out on his family, he'd better think again! She says she'll sue him for child support! (thinking in the back of her mind that she'll sue him or the bartender...whoever the daddy is) Johnny's ladyfriend in dietary is telling him the same thing!
Johnny and Janey wish life was different. They both wish they had better jobs and more money. They wish this kid wasn't coming. Johnny wishes both of these kids weren't coming. What happened to "happily ever after"????
This story is loosely based on events I've seen happen to a number of people I know. I'm lucky. My relationship is pretty good. We met the old fashioned way...through a mutual friend. We became good friends before we started dating. I'm not saying its the only way to a good relationship...but it is one good way.
"Love" is a powerful emotion. So is infatuation. Know the difference. And if you plan to go the distance, make sure you're ready for it. "Happily ever after" usually means that life is going to throw you curve balls. You won't be ready for some of them. It also means that life will take on a level of boring structure. Just like your parents. And your grandparents. And guess what...it ain't that bad. There's a comfort to structure. Any relationship is a partnership. It takes two to tango...all the way to happily ever after.
-MM
I'm sure that we all heard fairy tales as children. Some of us may still be passing these on to our children. The basic tenet of the fairy tale is there is something not right with the world but once the hero/heroine solves this, everything is A-OK! Usually the prince and princess wed or ride off into the sunset or go kill some dragons (endangered species lists weren't very popular back then). And they all live happily ever after. Right?
Fast forward to the 21st century. OK, the dragons are gone, we have indoor plumbing, 300+ channels on TV, and social media sites. Other than that, things are still pretty much the same. So, in today's world, just what does "happily ever after" mean?
OK, let's take a look at this. Janey and Johnny meet online. They've posted some photos (probably a few years old, at least) to make themselves look as physically attractive as possible. Once they meet online, they carefully tell each other only the enhanced, perfect version of their life. Janey works in housekeeping at a local nursing home, so she tells Johnny that she works in the 'health field'. Johnny, having been unemployed for the past year, tells her he is a "freelance blogger and video game tester". It appears that they are both fans of this week's hot pop star and both live for reality TV shows like Ron Paul's Brag Race. Gosh, they are just sooooo perfect for each other! So, after 2-3 whole DAYS of Facebook posts, instant messages, and a couple of actual phone calls, they decide to meet.
Lucky for Janey, Johnny isn't a serial rapist and they meet at the local hipster bar. Much to their amazement, they both order Pabst! They notice (but never say anything about it) that each looks a bit less hot than their online persona...but what the heck, they have so much in common, that they must be made for each other, right?
They spend the evening talking about how lousy the music being programmed by the DJ is (God forbid it be an actual DJ spinning records...or worse...a LIVE band) and titter at each other's clever remarks. "Wow", each one thinks, "I've really landed a good one...this time!".
After a few hours of this banter, and checking out each other's latest tattoo/piercing, they decided that they're so in love, that they go to one of their apartments (the roommate luckily works the night shift) and have 3 whopping minutes of the most average sex of their entire lives!
The next day, they've both changed their relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship". All of their friends type comments like "Congrads" and "It's about time!" and "Your so lukcy". Janey and Johnny decided to take it slow though...it's way too early to think about marriage yet. But it's obvious to everyone that this is THE perfect relationship. The relationship that will stand the tests of time! Screw you Romeo & Juliet, THIS is how ya do it!
In most cases, this would last about 2-3 weeks, followed by changes in relationship status (Janey has changed her relationship status from In A Relationship to Single), much online discussion between friends ("She's a cunt. You can do better" and/or "He's an asshat. I can't believe you went out with him!") and of course the obvious condolences ("True love will find you one day!") and of course, their friends will suggest going out drinking (Yay! More PBR!). But for the sake of argument, let's say that Janey and Johnny DO stick together long enough to turn this NSA relationship into a LTR and they start planning their wedding.
Janey is still working at the nursing home. She is taking courses for her CNA license and has managed to get Johnny a job in maintenance. They're living together in their very own apartment in a funky, slightly run-down, urban neighborhood (there's a really cool bar just up the street! just watch out for the crackheads and hookers). Janey's dad pays for his little princess' dream wedding (complete with reception at the KOC hall...open bar and all the rigatoni you can eat!). And they lived happily ever after...right?
Janey gets her CNA license and is now making $11 an hour. Johnny is still working in maintenance and only making $8. This leads to some grumbling at home. But they're still in love, so it will all work out...right?
Reality sets in. They both work 40 hours a week but usually not the same 40. The mundane creeps in. Bills. Rent. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Johnny just wants to come home from a long day and have a beer and play video games. Janey really wishes he would help out more with the chores. Neither one likes to cook, so they eat a lot of pizza, Chinese takeout and processed foods. They both start looking a bit more plump than they used to. Their sex life, which was once oh so exciting and average, begins to suffer. From twice a day to twice a week to twice a month...but they're still so in love. They can make this work, right?
Johnny starts spending more time out with the guys. Janey whines endlessly to her friends (mostly online). The see increasingly less and less of each other. Their work schedules are skewed and when they do have a night off at the same time, Johnny is either playing video games or he's out with the guys. He NEEDS his time with his friends. Janey complains that she never gets to see her friends (who are mostly in the same boat by now). Johnny tells her if she wants to go out with her damned friends, to just go out! And she does. And Johnny berates her every time...questioning who she's with and how many guys were hitting on her. Things become bitter.
Janey gets pregnant! But...is it Johnny's or maybe that bartender she met when she was out with her friends. She's too sick this morning to give a damn. But wait...there's another pregnancy! Seems Johnny has been diddling a lady in dietary at work! Johnny, of course, denies this. He's too young to be a dad. He doesn't make enough money to take care of one kid, let alone two. Janey has informed him that if he thinks he's going to run out on his family, he'd better think again! She says she'll sue him for child support! (thinking in the back of her mind that she'll sue him or the bartender...whoever the daddy is) Johnny's ladyfriend in dietary is telling him the same thing!
Johnny and Janey wish life was different. They both wish they had better jobs and more money. They wish this kid wasn't coming. Johnny wishes both of these kids weren't coming. What happened to "happily ever after"????
This story is loosely based on events I've seen happen to a number of people I know. I'm lucky. My relationship is pretty good. We met the old fashioned way...through a mutual friend. We became good friends before we started dating. I'm not saying its the only way to a good relationship...but it is one good way.
"Love" is a powerful emotion. So is infatuation. Know the difference. And if you plan to go the distance, make sure you're ready for it. "Happily ever after" usually means that life is going to throw you curve balls. You won't be ready for some of them. It also means that life will take on a level of boring structure. Just like your parents. And your grandparents. And guess what...it ain't that bad. There's a comfort to structure. Any relationship is a partnership. It takes two to tango...all the way to happily ever after.
-MM
I DO appreciate your point of view and all that you write, Mike. And I could share lots with you about my view on this topic, especially after recently leaving a 26-year marriage, and STILL loving and being best friends with my Ex. But all I will say is this: After the "...3 whopping minutes of the most average sex...," I would have been out of there! ;-) xo
ReplyDeleteSex is really pretty funny if you think about it. It's an act based on a biologic urge. It really has little to do with "love" and "happily ever after". It's the time two people spending together when they're not having sex that determines the relationship.
ReplyDelete;-)