Saturday, May 31, 2014

Dear Jack White....STFU

Jack White...ever heard of The Flat Duo Jets? Your career started off ripping them off. Now you accuse The Black Keys of ripping YOU off? Really? Shut the front door!




I first heard about you a dozen or so years ago. I thought you sucked then. I still do. At that time, Danny Auerbach opened for me a number of times. He was a great kid, and a great picker and singer. He was trying to do more rockabilly-ish stuff at the time...but blues was what he was best at. And how! I still have a bunch of home-made CDs he gave me at the time. I also remember him telling me about the little side project he was starting with a drummer. It sounded interesting. A lot more interesting than anything The White Stripes ever did.

There's nothing new under the sun kid. Hasil Adkins was doing guitar/drum stuff in the 50s, as were cats like Dr. Ross. Like I said, nothing new.





The best, most soul-shaking music I have ever heard was a guitar/drum duo...street musicians...playing in a park in Memphis. Just two fat, old, black guys, playing their hearts out...and doing it better than anyone I had heard...or have heard since.

Jack White, you ruin everything you touch. I remember how excited Wanda Jackson was to work with you. The finished product sucked. I mean it SUCKED! I tried to like it...because I dig Wanda. But damn son, you just ruined it! It was like you tried to ruin it!

OK, maybe you're an ideas man. If that's the case...please...take some time away from music and work on those ideas. You should have enough money to do so. If not...go get a real job. Ground yourself. You're not important. You never have been and probably never will be.

The Black Keys have reached an amazing level of success. Their music is everywhere! You can't get away from it! While it irritates me a bit, I am proud of Danny and Patrick for their success...a success you have, and probably never will reach. Will they be able to sustain this success? Probably not. Most bands can't. Its the nature of the business. But I'm sure they've managed to squirrel away a retirement fund...so they're good.

Jack White...shut up and go away. Please. OK, you apologized for your Rolling Stone rant. Good boy. Now please...just go away until you have something to say of musical worth. Anyone can record and release mediocre music. It doesn't make you any more special than anyone else. If you really are the genius you seem to believe yourself to be, put up or shut up. OK?

Friday, May 30, 2014

Did ya ever wonder.....

(Dear Lord...I'm turning into Andy Rooney! THANK YOU!)

Did you ever wonder about those ads you see on websites? There's usually a lot of them on the right hand side of the page. Ever wonder why?

It's valuable ad space!  But did you ever stop to think why?

Take a look at these:


Just a Facebook log in page...right?


An Israeli Facebook log in. Notice the difference?

English is read left to right. THIS is why the right side of the page has become pricier for advertisers and busier for the reader. At the end of each line, the reader will pause for just a split second...long enough to notice the mess on the right of the screen. Also, in reading/viewing a page, the right side peripheral vision is likely to spending more time subconsciously perceiving all of the ads and links there. Get ready for that plate of shrimp! The kids that have been using that reference for 30 years are now the ad execs. They know what they're doing. They know that most of us ignore those ads/links...but they also know that we ARE perceiving them. All they have to do is plant the seed in our collective subconscious and let it grow....and convince their clients that its all translating to sales. Apparently...it's working. 

(Conversely, in Hebrew, which is read right to left, the left side of the page is considered prime sales real estate now)

Is there anything you can do about this? No. But...as long as you realize the tactic, you're less prone to falling for the gimmick. Almost everything on the internet is about advertising and sales. This is why the mere thought of net neutrality is a joke to start with. So, the big companies want to create high-priced 'fast lanes' for those willing to pay for them...meaning faster internet access for those with the money. For what? So we can be sold crap at lightning speeds?

Pffft...if my internet slows to the point where it's a bother....I'll stop using it. I know a LOT of people who will. Oh no! I'll have to...I dunno...go outside and play! Or read a book! Or talk to an actual person...not just chat or email or post or share!

Doesn't sound too bad to me. 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Sticks & Stones (Revisited)

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. 

We've all heard this. At what point did people forget about it? Yes...words can hurt feelings. But remember, they're YOUR feelings. Own them. If someone says something to you or about you that upsets you...don't blow your brains out over it. In so doing, you have completely empowered the person using the language that you don't like. In short, the more fuss you make about it, the more power you give that person and their words.

Instead, try calmly explaining the fallacy of the word(s) intended to hurt you. If you can't do that...you need to work on yourself first. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Learn to not only love yourself...but LIKE yourself!

Sometimes in life we have to educate people. If your response to that is "I'm no teacher!" then you're already failing as a human being. We all teach each other, every day. We teach our children, and those around us, by our actions. We give context to the things we say. Guess what...like it or not, you're a teacher. You just might have to educate someone that you'd rather not speak with. Suck it up, buttercup. None of us were ever guaranteed an easy life. If something is troubling you, fix it. That fix might be as easy as speaking to one person. If that person doesn't listen, the next one might. It's a slow process. Deal with it. No house was ever built by throwing a pile of bricks at one spot. Each brick had to be carefully placed, in the most efficient way possible.

Don't be a "blank".

Too many people see themselves as a minority. I'm not sure when this concept became so damned fashionable, but it's time to end it. Every time that someone thinks or says "I'm a ______", that person has just self-segregated him/herself from society. This will make the person, and society as a whole, uncomfortable. This is the exact moment that the problem starts. Don't do it. Don't be a _______. Be a human. Be a person. Spend less time looking for differences and more time looking for similarities. You might be amazed at the results.

We are each unique. Every one of us. Therefore, being unique is simply part of the human condition. Being unique loses it's uniqueness because everyone of us is. Just be yourself. Be a good person. Be a part of your community. Be a positive member of society. You can still dress how you want, wear your hair how you want, love who you want, etc.

Don't divide. Unite. The more that we all come together, the fewer people there are to try to separate us.

I'll leave you with the wisdom taught to my great aunt back around 1910, and had apparently been handed down for many generations prior: Do right because it IS right. If you have to question whether it's right - it probably isn't.  

Saturday, May 24, 2014

It's RANTING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's RANT TIME!!!!!!!!!

I haven't let loose on y'all in a while...you're due.

Last night, Pittsburgh proved itself, once again, to be a complete fucking waste of time. Sure, we have the Steelers. We have the Penguins. We still have the Pirates (although, just why anyone cares, is beyond me). What we DON'T have is music lovers.

Yeah...YOU HEARD ME! Do NOT tell me "Oh, I love music!". No. You don't. If you did, you would go out and support it once in a while.  Oh yeah, some of you go to see your friends' band(s) at the same venues every chance you get. That doesn't mean you love music. It means you love your friends...and that's fucking great! Really, it is! But it does NOT mean you love music.

It means you like "safe". You go to the same shows and listen to the same tunes (most of which are heavily borrowed from the same bands you've listened to for 20+ years or more). If it hasn't been shoved down your throat, it scares the shit out of you. In short, you're a bunch of pussies when it comes to music.

Yeah...you heard me right. You're a bunch of fucking pussies.

I'm 48 years old, and I still love music. I'm as broke as a motherfucker can get without being homeless...but I still make it out to see new bands when I have an extra $10. I'm not going out to drink, or try to get laid, or pose for a bunch of people...when I go to hear music, I'm there for the music. Period. And here's a surprise for ya...I usually insist on paying the cover charge. Sure, there are circumstances when I don't. That usually involves long-term friendships. I won't charge those truly close to me (even though they usually insist) and there have been many times when I've tried to pay a cover, only to have the money handed back to me. Trust me, I'm all about paying for music. I know the other side too well.

OK, sure...the economy is still in the shitter. Well now, that's NOT news. It has been since 9/11. We've made it this far. A lot of you are still managing to go out drinking every week. Obviously, you're not THAT broke!

But God forbid, any of you step outside your comfort zone. Buncha pussies.

I REALLY wanted to go see Husky Burnette at Howler's last night. I REALLY REALLY wanted to. But I had a choice, pay the water and electric bills AND eat, or go to the show. I've become quite fond of water, electricity, AND food...so maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age. If I'd had an extra $10...literally, I would've been there.

I got hipped to Husky Burnette's music last fall when I was on tour with Danny Kay. We played a joint called The Shore Road Tavern in Philly, and I saw a poster for HB's show. Being unfamiliar, I asked about him...because I LOVE music.

I was told great tales about the man and his music. A number of people played me his songs. Great stuff! Our paths haven't crossed yet...but one of these days, they will...and there will be a thunderous noise when that day comes...because I GET what he's doing.

Pittsburgh tries to pride itself on it's "nightlife" (I almost typed that with a straight face) and it's love of the blues. Both are a crock of shit. If it doesn't sound like a watered-down Stevie Ray cover, you're not interested. Most of YINZ wouldn't know REAL blues if I shoved it sideways up your ass.

(Am I sounding sufficiently peeved?)

Sadly, but not overly surprisingly, Husky Burnette's show wasn't as well-attended as he deserves. If you've read this far...you know why. I don't care to hear your excuses. Unless you're as broke as I am (and if you are, God bless you!), then you have no excuse. You SHOULD have been there.

It's a long, holiday weekend. Most of you probably skipped out of work Friday anyway (because a 3 day weekend is never as good as a 4 day weekend...I get it!).

Being a REAL musician, and a true pro, I understand HB put on an amazing show! It was so good, that Jo (from Howlers) promo'ed his Philly show on her Facebook page today. She just hasn't been able to say enough about how amazing his show was. From what I hear, it was everything I had hoped to witness.

Oh...you didn't know about the show? Do you live under a fucking rock? Are you dim? Do you not know what the internet or City Paper is? Or are you just so self-absorbed in your own little Pittsburgh world that you can't be bothered with something "new"? Oh no! It doesn't sound like EVERYTHING you've ever listened to.

Well flip on DVE, enjoy that Coors Light or Miller Light, or PBR, or whatever swill you usually drink, and just ignore the rest of the world. It's what you do. But guess what...fewer and fewer bands are coming to the Burgh....and YOU are the reason why.

Here's a Husky Burnette set, filmed at The Garage, in Winston-Salem (a truly COOL club!). Give it a listen. Maybe you'll realize that there's more to music than the 'same old same old'.



I hope you do.  And I hope Husky Burnette comes back to town...and I hope I can afford to go to the show!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

WTF is Zufälligen Einbildungskraft (and why does it make me so happy?)

If you're a friend of mine, or at least privy to my Facebook page, you've probably noticed a ton of posts lately...videos by "Zufälligen Einbildungskraft". If you've watched them, you've probably wondered just what the hell this stuff is. Well, I'll tell ya....

The jig is up. I'll come clean. Zufälligen Einbildungskraft is me. I'm sure a lot of you already guessed that...but for the two or three of you who haven't, that's what's up.

So what does it mean?

I'll start at the beginning. It all started about a week ago. A friend, who has long shared my love of interesting sights and sounds, had sent me some new music. It got me upset, in a way. The music wasn't "bad"...but it bored me. Music, in general, has become boring to me. It's all so damned predictable. I don't care what genre of music you enjoy...I can listen to the first three notes and know exactly where it's going. It makes me want to vomit. I'm not talking just about the major label releases (which should, for the most part, just be ignored) but even most of the indie stuff. Yeah yeah yeah...underground country (enough with the fucking banjos!), blues, punk, metal, folk, whatever. I've heard it all before. I'll occasionally hear a song, or snippet of one, that will momentarily grab my attention...but nothing sticks with me. So, as I've always done in the past...if I can't find what I'm looking for, I make it myself.

I've been experimenting with home recording. I downloaded a freebie program just to work on one song. Hell, it wasn't even a song in the traditional sense. It was more or less my take on "The Gift" by The Velvet Underground and "Frank's Wild Years" by Tom Waits (possibly one of the only artists to manage to keep things interesting). 

On a whim, I decided to make another recording. I had a few random ideas running through my head...so I started messing with them. I didn't want drums...so I just made percussive noises with my voice and processed them digitally. Nothing new there. But it sounded pretty neat. I finished the song and made a weird little video to go with it. I shared it my my aforementioned friend. He enjoyed it and suggested I record an EP of stuff like this. I laughed...at first. Then I got to think...I could do this! This just might be what I've been needing to get myself out of my funk.

I started working on some other "songs" (I'll use that term loosely) when I got a big surprise. A DJ friend in Cleveland wanted to play this weird little song on his radio show! Holy crap! My rock and roll music gets occasional airplay...but its been waning for a few years. I was mostly surprised that of all the music I've written and recorded, he wanted to play this weird little sonic experiment. I happily sent him a copy...after deciding what to call this mess. 

I thought about a few different ideas...but the name Zufälligen Einbildungskraft stuck. It's German...but not really. Loosely translated, it means Random/Accidental Imagination. A friend in Bavaria informed me that the name is technically correct...but not really something a German would say. So, I guess even the name is creative! I was starting to really use my imagination again...and it was all due to random/accidental situations...so it makes sense. For these types of sounds, I also thought a German-sounding name fit. I imagined a group a musicians in Berlin, wearing black turtleneck sweaters and efficient brown shoes, trying to re-invent music. I got a good chuckle from that image. That's how Zufälligen Einbildungskraft came about.

But WHY? I've been making money as a musician most of my life. Ask anyone in music these days and they'll tell you...the money just isn't there anymore. But that doesn't stop the music from being made. I have a CD of my rock & roll stuff that has sat, unreleased, for a few years now...because I just don't know what to do with it!

This little project, though, has given me back the joy of making music. There's an artistic freedom to it, as well. I am making this music purely for me. This is the music I've been wanting to hear, but no one else is making it. I've been given compliments by friends, in the music and art worlds, on these sonic productions of mine. They've compared these works to the likes of Stockhausen, Crumb, Antheil, Esquivel, and The Residents! I take those as high praise indeed!

As a writer of music, I've always wanted to write something that would touch the heart of God. One of these songs, "Saudade", touched the heart of a beautiful young lady friend...so, close enough! She declared it "heart-wrenching".

I know I'm no slouch as a writer. I've heard lots of different folks say nice things about my work. I'm always humbled by those words...but this "music" is different. I'm using non-traditional sounds and instrumentation. I've made noises myself, recorded the sound of me pounding on a chair, I've used the sounds of a human heart beat, a European dial tone, and I've almost completely eschewed the thought of tuning. Whatever sounds I'm working with, I just tune my instruments to that. If an instrument slips out of tune, unless I find it completely horrid, I just leave it. I've long been a fan of bluesman Cedell Davis, whose handicaps forced him to find his own unique way of playing. He often sounds out of tune, at first, but then the listener realizes, it fits! I like dissonance...sometimes, its just what music needs!

In the course of 6 days, I've been busy with my alter ego, Zufälligen Einbildungskraft. As my friend suggested, I recorded not one but two EP's worth of music. I've been having a BLAST with it! But what to do with it...

I've decided against the traditional ways of doing things...at least for now. I'll just put the songs up on YouTube and let the world enjoy them, or ridicule them, or simply ignore them. It makes no difference to me. If you enjoy it...GREAT! If you don't...that's great too! I really don't care! If you choose to ignore it, again...fine by me! This is the most free I've felt musically in decades! I'm experimenting. I've found a recognizable sound that I can call my own...for now...and share with the world. It's probably as close as I'll ever get to the freedom a songbird has. It makes it music and goes about it's life.

If you're interested in giving a listen to the collected works of Zufälligen Einbildungskraft, all you have to do is click the caption below the EP covers below. 10 songs in 6 days...not too shabby! And...I love them! These songs are almost all instrumentals (no real need for words). They're unusual...sometimes dissonant...sometimes atonal...sometimes jolting...sometimes humorous...but each is beautiful in it's own way. I hope you can enjoy them...if not, no big deal. This music is out there for those who can enjoy it.

You can hear the project grow from song to song and EP to EP. Kinda funny really.


The 1st EP!




The NEW, 2nd EP!