METZGER FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!

Being unemployed, I think the Presidency would be a fun job. Too bad it's only a temp gig...but it'd keep me occupied for a few years...My campaign slogan?

That's right! You COULD do WORSE!!!!!!!

So, you're probably wondering just where I stand on the issues. Glad you asked! Here's some starters:

Unemployment: This is a BIG issue! Too many companies outsource AMERICAN jobs overseas. That will end. If you can't hire American, you get taxed 99%. You will not be allowed to import or export ANYTHING. In short...you're finished. HIRE AMERICAN!

Gay Marriage: It's not an issue! If 2 consenting adults want to be miserable and get married...FINE! Let them get married. While we're on the subject of marriage, let's make DIVORCES harder to get! No more alimony. No more pre-nups. If you're foolish enough to think you want to spend the rest of your life with the same person, then you should stick to it! Period!

Healthcare: We're all gonna need it at sometime! Let's make it AFFORDABLE! This means a major review and overhaul of the health insurance industry, pharmaceutical companies, medical supply companies, etc. Have you ever looked at a hospital bill? The prices they charge are ridiculous! It would actually be CHEAPER to get a room at the Hilton, hire a private duty nurse and buy your meds at Wal-Mart! Yessirree folks...the system is broken and I can fix it!

Foreign Policy: Fix things at HOME first! It is NOT America's job to stick it's nose into everyone else's affairs. Israel...we love ya...but dammit...quit stirring up shit! You get the land you now have...no more. Unless you PAY fair market value. And since Palestine doesn't seem to be selling, get over it! If you are God's chosen, let him rain down some frogs and locusts until your unwanted neighbors leave. Since He isn't doing that...you'll just have to learn to make due. Plant a tree.

The Environment: If you make a mess, YOU better be able to clean it up! This means NOW! American cars are designed to be messy and stop running long before their foreign counterparts. They're also designed to use too much fuel. The auto industry gets 6 months to fix it or they go BYE BYE. We bailed your sorry asses out...and you still haven't done shit. Corporations, businesses large and small...if you make a mess, CLEAN IT THE FUCK UP!

Abortion: Again...NOT AN ISSUE! If the People want these laws changed, do it according to proper channels. As Roe v. Wade was in 1973, and it hasn't been overturned yet, it's not going to happen. Deal with it. If God has a problem with it, that's what Judgement Day is for.

Gas Prices: Top priority...bring the prices down. Offer the Arabs a set price for oil. We use a LOT of it. If we stop buying it, they're going to lose a LOT of money. Time to haggle folks! And while all of this is going on, it's time to develop CLEAN, renewable fuels. The time for talking about it is over. As my grandmother was fond of saying, SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!

Education: Let's face it, the American education system is a joke. While we have some great teachers in this country, their hands are tied. More funding (and hey...bring back the bake sales!) is needed. This is OUR future we're talking about.

It is NOT the American government or States' job to tell us how to live (or die). If you want to wear a seatbelt or helmet, go for it! If you don't, be careful!

Churches should pay taxes. Starting with the Catholics...who have an obscene amount of money! And...the Catholics gave us Rick Santorum. We the People would like to give him back.

The Media: If you're going to play journalistic games, you go away. As Sgt. Joe Friday was fond of saying, "Just the facts". We don't care for your spins. We have our own opinions, we don't need yours.

Food prices: WTF IS GOING ON HERE?????? All food prices are to be cut in half...at least! $2 for a loaf of bread? Are you KIDDING me??????? And understand this Monsanto...you're done. Finished. If you won't go away on your own, I'll declare open season on Monsanto employees. The hunters of this country will have a field day!

Greed is bad. If you work hard and make a lot of money...good for you! You should be proud! But you also have a moral obligation to help those less fortunate. Don't be a dick. Do the right thing.

And while on the subject of greed...politicians...here it comes! Your salaries will be cut in half. No more voting yourselves pay raises. No more Congressional insider trading. And guess what...SERIOUS TERM LIMITS!!! No More Career Politicians!

The Deficit: This is a mess. From surplus to trillions in the hole in 12 years. This is not an easy fix. But it IS fixable. Here are a few ways to start plugging the dike:

Legalize marijuana...face it, it's no worse than booze, easily available, and it could be a boon to our economy.

End Congressional pensions. I've been harping about this for years! Might as well flush our money down the crapper.

End these Ridiculous Wars! Wars used to be profitable. They no longer are. Get over it. We go in, apologize, help clean up, and then get the fuck out. Then we look at military spending. Let's face it, these cats have ripped us off incredibly in the past...who's to say they're not doing it now? Anyone remember the $600 hammers?
Any other questions? Just ask!!!!!!

Yes. I inhaled...and snorted...and popped.

Yes. I've had sex with lots of people. And enjoyed it. And plan to continue to do so!

Yes. I have a police record.

Just remember...YOU COULD DO WORSE! (And chances are...you probably will)