To hear my friends tell it, they're all going to hell. As they all keep leaving me behind, I get the feeling the joint's gonna be full before I get there.
Now before anyone throws in their two cents worth on the subject of death, dying and the afterlife, you can just stop. Having once been declared dead, I have a bit of unique perspective and a minor level of expertise. Many have asked me "What happens?" Simply put, I don't have the words to describe it, but I can tell you, it ain't the crap you see on TV or read about in your favorite periodical.
I buried my dad earlier this week. I feel like I'm failing at grief at this point. He was just shy of 88 years old. He'd lived a long life, and more importantly I guess, he lived it the way he wanted to. I think I should feel sadder than I do. We were never as close as I would have liked, but he was still my dad. If you think you're going to read horror stories about a shitty childhood, sorry, not happening here. I was lucky that I got to tell my dad that I loved him, and I think we both knew that last good-bye was indeed the last one. We both had smiles on our faces. When it comes to the end, that's how it should be. Sobbing is for those who didn't give it all they could. Fair to say, I did. It might not have ever worked out how I wanted but that's just sometimes how it goes. I know he's at peace, real peace; so that gives me comfort.
I was supposed to be gigging in Cleveland, OH tonight at a tribute for my friend and mentor Alan Leatherwood. He passed back in June after complications from a stroke. That one hit hard and hurt like a sumbitch. Al was my friend. He was damned near family. When I had my heart attack, he called me and told me "Parents aren't supposed to outlive their kids". He was letting me know that I was like a son to him and that meant a lot. He taught me a large chunk of everything I know about the music industry, recording, writing, publishing, etc. I hope he's having a cocktail with Sam Phillips tonight. A lot of stories could go back and forth between those two.
His passing probably should have hit me even harder than it did but again, I've lost so many dear friends and family this year that I'm really about numb to it. That's a horrible way to feel. I'm fully aware of the empty spaces now filling my existence by each of their passing. Any time the phone rings, or I check my email, or hop onto social media, I'm immediately struck by so many absences.
The past two years have been filled with death after death in my private little world. Old friends, family, past lovers...they just keep dropping and leaving me behind. Knowing that I'll never see their faces or get to talk to them again...it's a repeated kick in the nads. Talk about a reality check. Sure, as we get older, we tend to check the obituaries a bit more often, but dammit, I'm only in my 50s. This has been way too many, way too soon.
When an auntie of mine was 85, she told me, "Don't live this long. You run out of money and everyone you really care about is gone. The ones left are usually assholes." Today, I'm starting to understand that bit of advice. I don't believe there's an excess of assholes in my life, but I understand more clearly now the difference between the people I'm truly close with and everyone else. Doesn't mean I've closed the door on becoming closer with people. Some will just always hold a higher place in my personal Top 10. It doesn't mean we don't try.
My faith has definitely helped me through all of this. Chances are that my faith has given me peace and the ability to see the passing of so many friends, family and lovers in a clear light. Death is inevitable. We're all gonna die. Some of us more than once. Faith does not, however, erase the sting. It just eases the pain a bit. We're never fully ready to lose someone. Never.
We might think we are...until the moment comes.
Like I said, sobbing is for those who didn't give it all they could. Too often, we make the mistake of believing we have something we don't, time. I'll call later. I'll send a card tomorrow. I'm busy today. If you can't make time for those you love, you deserve all the grief you get. We mourn our lost chances. We grieve for the things we didn't say and do. When someone enters our lives and shares love, that is really more important than any meeting, any appointment, any TV show, etc. No one has ever drawn their last breath wishing they'd spent more time at the office. You'll never have enough money or enough time, but you will eventually run out of both. You'll never have enough love in your life either. What's important is what you do with it. Plant that seed and grow a forest.
I'll leave you dear readers with a couple of quotes that, while simple, scream volumes. I hope you look up their authors and the origin of the quotes.
"Enjoy every sandwich." - Warren Zevon
"Everything we experience is a gift, a present we should cherish and pass on to those we love." - Alice Herz-Sommer
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