Sunday, February 2, 2014

It was like something out of a Stephen King novel....


For whatever reasons, I love Groundhog Day. I love the silliness of it. Depending on whether or not the groundhog (Punxsutawney Phil!!!!!!) sees his shadow, we'll either have 6 more weeks of winter, or spring will arrive early...in about 6 weeks.

The small town of Punxsutawney, PA is only about 75 miles from my house, yet I've never gone there before for the big celebration. Why? No one ever wants to go. I obviously know some real fuddy duddies.

This year, the young'un suggested we go. This came out of the blue. She called from work on Thursday and suggested we go to see the groundhog. I was stoked! By the time Saturday arrived, our plans were loose...but we had a plan, at least. We would leave around 3am for the 90 minute drive, and go see the groundhog and the festivities. The weather wasn't supposed to be too cold, so it sounded like a fair bit of fun. I had planned to take a nap from about 8pm - midnight, but honestly, I was too excited to sleep!

Some friends suggested we leave earlier. I mistakenly thought this might be based on some previous experience. I was wrong. I'm pretty sure they just thought it was funny. When we got to Punxsy, we stopped at Sheetz for drinks and snacks, and then drove to the local shopping plaza to get our tickets and await the bus to Gobbler's Knob (this, for the uninformed, is where Phil allegedly resides, as well as the spot for the main grounghoggian festivities). Needless to say, we had a LOT of time to kill. Over an hour.

Had we been better informed, we would've tailgated, as many others were doing. The parking lot was a-buzz with revelers. You know you're in for some fun when there's tailgating going on. People drinking and cooking out in a parking lot...that's fun.

After some looking around, we got our tickets for the bus and festivities (2 please! $10). We boarded the bus around 5am and rode on up to Gobbler's Knob. The weather wasn't too bad...about 38 degrees...and a steady drizzle. It's Pennsylvania and it's February. Mild and dry usually ain't gonna happen here at this time of year. The ground was pretty much mud. And straw. And more mud. I was really wearing the wrong shoes.

Gobbler's Knob is, essentially, a small gated forest. The residents of Punxy have been reveling in the mythological, meteorological prognostications of the local groundhog, Phil, for 128 years. Needless to say, this is a big deal. So big in fact, that a movie was made based on it. There were between 25-30,000 of Phil's Faithful Followers in attendance...despite the mud.

Punxsy's Groundhog Day celebration has sort of a small town fair feel to it. Rows of vendors selling fried crap, a bonfire, and of course, rows of porta johns. Heck, there were even protestors! I went to take a look, but they were just Westboro Baptist-types, spewing their unique mix of hate and theology for all to ignore. But the real action was down at the stage. There was live music (Slim Forsythe and The Beagle Brothers), a troupe of young girls dancing...and dancing...and dancing...I thought they'd never go away. For all I know, they're still on that stage dancing. Two emcees kept things moving along...telling corny jokes, and doing random, corny skits. Any possible use of the name "Phil" was bandied about (I was disappointed at their not using "PHIListines" or "ParaPHILnalia", but that's just me). In keeping with the theme (and the local mentality), there was a PHIL Robertson (of Duck Dynasty) impersonator doing a corny sketch about switching the family business from duck calls to groundhog calls. Hey, I never said this was cutting edge entertainment. It was all about being corny, hokey, and for the most part, family-friendly.

At one point, two large, raised cauldrons of sorts started spewing fire and fireworks were being set off...all to the strains of the theme from Star Wars. Standing there surrounded by leafless trees and 25,000 people cheering, it began to seem like something out of a Stephen King novel. The smoke, mixed with a morning fog, and the mist from the steady drizzle, illuminated the light from the fires and fireworks in such a way, that it had an eerie effect. The madmen emcees, one in a top hat, the other in a groundhog hat, hooping and hollering on the stage, made it feel like a bizarre religious ritual was taking place. I was waiting for the ground to open and a 60 foot, millenia-old, horned groundhog with fiery red eyes to emerge and be fed a series of local, silk-robed children...an offering by the faithful to bring a timely end to winter, or risk a thousand years of continuous snow and ice!  Maybe the faux tree stump onstage would burst open, and a sea of groundhogs would swarm out and devour the audience. OK...maybe I drink too much coffee.

Finally after what seemed like hours of corny, family fun, the moment had arrived! The members of the Inner Circle, those who tend to Phil's every wish and whim, proceeded towards the stage. They looked resplendent in their black mourning coats and top hats. We were standing right along their path, so we got a good look at them. They all looked thrilled to be there. They guys probably hadn't slept in days...but it was all worth it to them! What's good for Phil is good for Punxsy!

With much pomp and circumstance, the Inner Circle members were introduced, and finally the moment we had all be waiting for....WAIT! There was a medical emergency! The EMTs were called down by the stage. I can't say for sure but I think someone fainted from all of the excitement. On with the show!

Phil, looking more heavily sedated than your average groundhog, was taken from his place of honor inside the faux stump on the stage. With all the noise and explosions, the poor thing would have had to been sedated. As they took him out, I joked to the young'un that he was going straight for his handler's jugular...she laughed. A nosey little woman in front of us felt it necessary to tell us "That's not the REAL Phil! That's one of the babies!" She then proceeded to tell us that she had her picture made with the REAL Phil at his enclosure down to the local library...why, he's so big his head comes halfway up her back! I didn't have the heart to tell her that the REAL Phil had most likely been dead for over 125 years.

A hush came over the crowd...the scrolls were placed on the stump....Phil was placed on the stump to see his shadow (or not) and converse with the Inner Circle members in "groundhoguese". Finally, the official words were spoken:

"A Super Bowl winner I will not predict,
but my weather forecast you cannot contradict.
Why that's not a football but my shadow I see,
It's six more weeks of winter it must be!"


In short, Phil told us "Take THAT bitchez! 6 more weeks of winter! At least!"

Did we really expect anything different? No. Will I go back to see Phil again. Most likely, Yes. If you've never gone, do yourself the favor. This is old-fashioned, family-oriented fun. You might learn some folklore. You might learn some history. You might make some new friends. You might see a celebrity or two. You will, most definitely, have a good time...provided you don't mind being out in the woods in the middle of the night in the middle of winter, waiting on a mythological rodent.

I still love Groundhog Day. I just may love it even more now.

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