We went to a picnic over the weekend. This is nothing new. I've gone to this same picnic almost every year for the past 20+ years. It's always a good time. It's all about community, social acceptance, and all of that so-called WOKE stuff.
I enjoy a good nap as much as anyone, but this ridiculous "woke" concept is really nothing more than what used to be called "decency". I'm old enough to remember that certain things weren't discussed in polite conversation; politics, religion, dubious social opinions, etc. It always made sense to me.
Humor, like languages and social norms, evolves. That said, if I'm around people I don't know well I tend to keep my joking PG13. It doesn't always work.
If you're a regular reader of my blog, you know my sense of humor. It can be dark Dark DARK. I'm lucky to be married to a woman whose sense of humor is every bit as dark.
We met a young person - probably in their 20s - at the picnic, and this young person was hanging out with us and a mutual friend for the majority of the day. We enjoyed this young person's company. However, from my own experience if you don't handle drugs/alcohol well, probably best to avoid them...especially if they heighten an already sensitive nature.
Something I've noticed with a lot of younger folks, and I don't use this term lightly, is an excessive sense of entitlement. Like I said, this annual picnic is all about community and social acceptance. While an extremely inclusive bunch, this gathering is NOT any individual person's "safe space". No one there is trying to push opinions, agendas, etc. As a dear friend often says, "simmer down".
Under the best conditions, the world is not a "safe space", no matter how much other people try. If something is a known trigger, it might be best to give the folks around you a heads-up.
We'd been sharing stories among ourselves, had an interesting discussion about cockroach behavior, and this young person was laughing nonstop at an old crude joke of mine. It became a bit of a running joke throughout the day.
Our new young acquaintance, at one point, informed us that their 'edibles' were kicking in. I'll reiterate my previous suggestion: If you don't handle it well, don't do it.
This young person grew quieter, and more sensitive. At one point they asked for more jokes, which I was happy to provide. The ancient joke about the young man with the wooden eye asking a young lady with a cleft palate to dance (which has been a running joke between my wife and I for the 18 years we've been together) triggered them. A discussion about cannibalistic behaviors of some different species also triggered them.
There was never any discussion about why these were triggering. Something was mumbled about "but kids" regarding the 'wood eye' joke. Needless to say, I changed my tone around this young person after that. It's never my place to bum someone out. But - I find it rude when someone, lacking in real-life social skills, feels that their personal opinions override any and every social situation.
Mind you, they were free to excuse themself from the group at any point. There were plenty of people at the picnic, all having a grand time. It was a nice day, weatherwise, for the picnic. I'm sure their 'edibles' sounded like a good idea at the time - but proved otherwise. By the time this young person and friends were leaving, they seemed to have lost the spark they had earlier in the day. Honestly, I felt bad for them. I tried to assist with an issue they were having (decency prevents further information) but again, the sense of entitlement reared its head.
Quick note: If you ask for help, and someone offers - don't be a jagoff about it, especially when the likelihood is that you created your own problem. It's no one else's job to babysit you.
I harbor no ill will toward this young person. My 20s were a long, long time ago and it's probably fair to say that I wasn't particularly sensitive about many things. If I was, I kept it to myself. I hope to run into them again sometime as they're interesting and personable (until the edibles kick in). If nothing else, I hope to see them at next year's picnic. I can't say that I will though. One thing about this picnic is consistent after decades of its existence; the faces change. We've lost a number of the old regulars. Every year, there are always some new & younger faces. Sometimes they become regulars. Sometimes they're one and done. Life goes on.
On final thought on the social skills of a lot of people - young and old: The world doesn't owe you a damned thing. Most people will, at the very least, attempt to be as civilized as they know how. Yes, there are total jagoffs out there. There are times I'm probably considered one. If you're not comfortable in a particular setting - move on. Or if it's something as simple as a word or phrase being use, be polite and request it not be used. This can be a learning opportunity for all involved.
If someone is legally an adult, society expects you to act like it. You are not deserving of respect that you're not willing to show to others. A reasonably civil person doesn't want to 'trigger' someone. If you know that you're particularly sensitive about certain things - be prepared for it. Unless you're wearing a sign, the rest of us don't know. Personally, if I see I've triggered someone, I tend to apologize. I'll usually drop it there - making a mental note that 'So & So is sensitive about cannibalism', or whatever the offending topic might be.
Again, if you don't handle drugs or alcohol well, don't use them. Even if you think you handle them well - know your limits. If your mood and behavior suddenly change, chances are you might the problem.
Life is preferable to the alternative. Being part of society and a community is preferable to being lonely. I think most will agree. Just remember, to be part of the group, you have responsibilities. If you lack appropriate social skills - work on them! Don't play the blame game.
A favorite bar from my youth had a sign on the wall. NO SNIVELING. Nearly 40 years later, those are still words to live by.
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