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A Metzger Compendium?

I was moving files to my external drive the other day (as one does) and noticed that I've written an insane number of short stories. If you've read BODIES or LITTLE GUY, you get the idea. In fact, I have yet another collection coming next month (stay tuned for details). 

What struck me was the sheer number of stories. So, as I'm prone to testing my theories, after wondering what an Unabridged Metzger Collection might look like, I moved a large number into Libre (my software of choice) and formatted them like a book. Mind you, this wasn't ALL of my shorts, prose, etc... just the bulk I had at hand.


HOLY LOGOPHILIA BATMAN!!!!!!!!! If I were to publish this as a standard hardcover book, it would be over 1000 pages - not counting table of contents, foreword, glossary, etc. That's a lot of scribbles! 

Just because, as most of yinz already know, I have a weird sense of humor - I'm almost tempted to publish a handful of copies and just leave them in those little free libraries you might find in different neighborhoods. As if the size alone wouldn't be daunting enough for a casual reader, I think I'd need to add some of the following info to the book - just to keep it interesting. 

The Complete Stories of Michael C. Metzger

Volume 37C

Third Revised First Edition of Previously Tolerated Works

Unread By Millions

Now with 4.2% More Stories.

Closed Every 3rd Tuesday

I can see hardcore word nerds freaking out. Volume 37C? Third Revised First Edition? WTF?!

Maybe some back cover blurbs along these lines:

Includes several stories previously ignored by sensible people.

Winner of at least three arguments.

Now heavier than some household pets.

May not fit in all bookcases.

Not approved by librarians with weak wrists.

Don't be surprised if I do this. I'm due to receive my first book royalties this weekend. Should I spend it on this oddball idea or buy that 6-pack of beer I always wanted?

Only time will tell.

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