Have you ever touched a whale?

Have you ever touched a whale? Honest answers only, please.

It's long been said that I view the world differently than most. I'm OK with that. I've been called fearless as many times as I've been called stupid. One could view these descriptions as matters of perception. 

When I was a kid, I loved going to the movies. It was common for theaters to have velvet ropes that kept the crowd moving in the proper direction. I learned early on to stay behind the velvet rope. 

Some places used the velvet rope for other things. Often, it was used to prevent access to a nice restaurant, a restricted area, etc. These situations were less common to me. This has led to occasional bouts of social confusion.

In 2002 I was on my first tour of the UK, and I had a show booked in Devon on my birthday. The show turned out to be a surprise party for me, but I digress. 

As it was my birthday, my booking agent and his wife asked if there was anything special I'd like to do. I asked if Stonehenge was on the way to the gig. It was, but not really. What should've been a two-hour drive became two two-hour drives. First from Cardiff to Stonehenge, then from there to Devon. My friends had zero interest in seeing Stonehenge. "Pile of old rocks" was their opinion of the place. But, I wanted to see the pile of old rocks and they happily obliged. They never left the car. 

From what I understand, Stonehenge has grown into quite the tourist spot. Back in 2002, it was a parking lot, a small tourist welcome center, and the old pile of rocks itself. The tourist center, of course, sold t-shirts, mugs, hats, and all sorts of memorabilia. I bought a tiny pewter replica, small enough to fit in my coat pocket. 

The tourist center was also where the bathrooms were. The importance of this will soon be evident. 

En route to Stonehenge, I'd been enjoying some of Wales's finest lagers in the backseat of my friend's Vauxhall Estate. Upon arriving at Stonehenge and entering the aforementioned tourist center, I 'broke the seal,' so to speak. As anyone who has enjoyed numerous beverages on a car trip will understand, this was a glorious moment.

The only problem with beer is that one simply rents it. 

I grabbed one of the small, transistorized audio guides and made my way up to the stones. Apparently, I'd grabbed the wrong handset as I believe it was giving me information in Korean. Not really concerned, I kept walking. 

Stonehenge, at least to my memory, closed for public viewing early that day. Maybe around 5:00pm. It might have been 4:00pm. The reason I remember this is because the urge to use the toilet had returned. I made my way back to the tourist center, only to find it had already closed. The doors were locked. Lights out. Pretty much everyone had gone. 

Stonehenge stands pretty much out in the open. It's in the middle of farm country. I did what I had to do. I made my way back up to the "old pile of rocks" and walked behind the velvet rope that encircled it and made my way behind one of the larger stones. There I relieved myself. I often joke that I left a stain. 

But the velvet rope brought back another memory - which oddly enough, also involved beer. 

When I was 18 or 19, I had a girlfriend who was about 7-8 years older than me. She also had a kid. I admittedly adored the kid, and she adored me. We often acted like kids together, much to her mother's embarrassment. 

One Saturday, we took a trip to Sandusky, Ohio to visit Sea World. Much to my girlfriend's chagrin, my friend Randy joined us. Long story short, Randy and I shared a natural tendency to act like fools. My girlfriend's daughter would probably attest to this. 

It was a lovely warm, sunny day, and Randy and I were enjoying some nice cold beers throughout the day. We enjoyed the boat shows and saw Shamu the killer whale's act. Aside from the tomfoolery courtesy of Randy and myself, we all had an enjoyable day. The kid wanted a close-up of the bigger fish. There were tanks where visitors could feed them. This sounded fun, so off we went to buy fish to feed the fish with. 

Encircling a couple of the tanks were velvet ropes. At the beluga tank, I was pretty sure this was to keep people moving single file and not create a scary crowd. To this day I have no idea if beluga whales are bothered by crowds. The cement lip of the tank was about hip-high. I picked the kid up so she could see the belugas as she fed them. We both really enjoyed this, as did at least one of the belugas. It kept swimming up to us. At one point, I reached my hand towards the water to try to pet the beluga.

I did! It was really pretty amazing! I won't lie. It felt like big, wet, foam rubber. The kid squealed in delight but was afraid to pet the whale herself. After a few minutes, we made our way to the next tank while her mother and Randy ventured to purchase more fish to feed the fish. 

To our surprise, the next tank housed Shamu! THE Shamu! It was the same sort of tank, with a cement lip that was about hip-high, with a velvet rope around it. Again, I assumed this was for 'single file' purposes.

My girlfriend and Randy returned with the fish. Apparently, there were signs that I missed, explaining the Do's and Don'ts of Shamu's tank. We were supposed to be on the other side of the velvet rope. 

The kid and I were not.

I sat on the cement lip of the tank, holding the kid in my arm, and to our surprise Shamu swam up to greet us! I shouted to my girlfriend for some fish, which we fed to the celebrity orca. The big fish brought its head up out of the water. As it did so, I reached down to pet Shamu. 

At this point, a Sea World employee screamed and came running towards us. 

"You need to be on the other side of the rope! You can't do that!"

By "that" I guessed she meant hand-feed the orca - or maybe I just wasn't supposed to touch it. Either way, she had made it clear that we were on the wrong side of the velvet rope. This was one of those situations where its purpose was to exclude people. I thought it was a bit of a bummer. 

But...I got to pet Shamu the killer whale! It felt like a big, wet tire. 

Have you ever touched a whale? I have. Two, in fact. Probably not the same as meeting up with one in the wild, but my scuba days ended after I met Mr. Tiger Shark face-to-face. That's a story for another day.