Uneasy Times: A Possible Modern Theocracy

I've been reading about the Church of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) lately. I'm a religious man yet as an American, I believe all are free to believe as they see fit...or believe nothing if that is their wish. I try to see the value and merit of all religions. I have a rather syncretic belief  that God taught the various cultures the same things, but in contexts that each culture could understand.

When most of us think of Mormons, we think of polygamists, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Utah, and clean cut white folks. They don't drink, smoke, or tell dirty jokes. Hell, they don't even drink coffee or tea! While many may find this odd, these (with the exception of polygamy) aren't reasons to look down one's nose at someone.

But there's more to the Mormons than meets the eye. I do not claim to be a scholar on the subject and I'll admit that there is a lot more to read on the subject...but what I have been reading strikes me as truly disturbing.

While in college, I had heard that the Mormons were more of a cult than a religion. The more I read on the subject, the more weight this claim seems to have. I've heard comedians make jokes about the Mormons (my personal favorite is "Mormons - aka Jesus: The Western").

Before I go any further, if you are a Mormon, please correct any mistakes or misconceptions I make here. I am not trying to offend anyone. That is far from my purpose. As a Christian, I have to say that I do NOT understand your religion.

The Mormons believe that their God, Elohim is a man. He comes from an even older god. They believe that Elohim has/had thousands of wives. They believe that Elohim comes from the planet/star Kolob, which is allegedly the closet star/planet to the throne of God. Kind of sounds like science fiction to me...but again, to each their own.

The Mormons believe that Jesus and Lucifer (the Devil) are brothers. According to their beliefs, when Elohim created the Earth (to be inhabited by his progeny) Lucifer and Jesus had different ideas about how it should be done. Lucifer and a third of the god people of Kolob were turned into the Devil and the demons.

Now here's where it starts to get REALLY weird. The good god people of Kolob became the white folks (Caucasians). Those that didn't bother to get involved were cursed to be black (Negros). Oddly enough...I have yet to find out where Asians fit in.  So far, it seems that the Mormons are an inherently racist group. They claim to have changed their views on this...but are very vague as to just how.

So, Elohim and one of his god people wives came to earth as Adam & Eve and started filling up the planet with people. Fast forward a few thousand years (and ignoring evolutionary theories) and Elohim returns, again as a man, and impregnates Mary so that Jesus can be born into a human body.
(yeah...I know...I'm confused too. If the man, Elohim, could create a planet through some metaphysical mumbo jumbo, then why did he need to have sex to put his son on the planet? A lot of the Mormon teachings have to do with sex. A lot! Hence...the whole "cult" status.)

Jesus allegedly had 3 wives (one who was supposedly Mary Magdalene) and a brood of kids before he was crucified. One of his descendants was Joseph Smith: the founder of the Church of Latter Days Saints - The Mormons.

When Jesus died, he magically appeared in North America...to the indigenous people (what we used to call Indians). The Mormons feel that these people are actually Israelites...which I'm sure will come as a surprise to some of my Native American friends.

The story drags on for a bit...battles with some group or other. A book of magic golden plates, containing this unique bit of pre-American history, was buried in the ground. Enter Joseph Smith.

Smith, a scryer (or psychic), says he was directed to these books, miraculously translated them to English as the Book of Mormon, and "restarted" the church...allegedly a return to the original church of Christ.

In reading up on Joseph Smith, it appears that he was very sickly and had failed at everything he had tried before...from running a business to years of crop failure as a farmer. His history strikes me as one of a man desperate to leave his mark...to be famous for SOMETHING.

Smith had his followers...otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. The history of the Mormon church is bizarre. Sometimes they're pro polygamy, sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're racist, sometimes they're not. Sometimes they believe in blood atonement (human sacrifice of sorts), sometimes they don't.

Perhaps it's this Mormon history of waffling that explains Mitt Romney. He can't seem to make up his mind on anything. The one thing he is clear about is his faith. He is a devout Mormon. He believes strongly in the church of his father and his father's father. This sounds nice...except the Mormon church of the elder Romneys is the more racist, polygamous, blood-spilling church.

Even more disturbing is that Joseph Smith tried to run for President of the United States. His goal was to turn the US into a Mormon theocracy.  Could this be Mitt Romney's goal?  It sounds feasible to me.

I would strongly suggest that every voter in the USA familiarize them self with the Mormon church. If by some miracle Mitt Romney becomes President, we're all likely to have to live under Mormon rule. And let's face it...Americans are too lazy to fight any more.

But...the Mormons have magic underwear! So at least take the time to research those!

Again...if I've offended anyone, Mormon or not...I apologize. That is not my intent. I just find the whole Mormon religion truly bizarre.