The Feel-Good Brigade Strikes Again!

Are you doing your part to help with the current "outrage/rise to action involving as little work as possible in order to make you feel better about yourself" cause?

People are starting to sicken me...again.

Case in point, a school program in Westerville, OH having their 1st Annual Day of Rememberance to fight bullying via their "Spread The Word To End The Word" campaign. The word in question? "Retarded".

I've spent the past 25 years working in the MH/MR field. I have worked with adults as well as kids...and let me tell you, the 'special needs' bunch can bully with the best! In fact, if you want to hear the word "retarded", spend some time with people who live with retardation (or developmental delays or whatever this year's feel-good term is). These folks bandy the word back and forth bullying each other like a Klansman uses the word "nigger".

Just to make it clear, I don't like either word. But...they are just words. At what point did we, as a people, become so damned thin-skinned that words hurt us? I remember my dear mum telling me the old addage "Sticks & stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me". I'm sure we've all heard that. I grew up believing that...and as a fat kid who stammered and had trouble with the letter "R", I held on to that belief.

I was teased and bullied as much, if not more, than most. I was even called names by the teachers! My 6th grade science teacher (a total educational moron) who went on to become the local high school's beloved and most-winning football coach would regularly call me "butterball". Rarely a day went by that I didn't catch hell about my weight or speech. I survived though. With much work on my part (and that of my speech therapist, Mrs. DiAngelo...thank you! thank you!) I learned to control my stammer and my R's became clearer. It didn't happen overnight. It took me 7-8 years of hard work!When I started high school, I started walking more...and working out. OK, I did speed too...but I lost a LOT of weight! I would walk everywhere! 4 miles to school. 4 miles back. If I wanted to go hang out at the mall with my friends, I usually walked.

I never let bullies get the best of me. While I've never enjoyed fighting, I learned to throw a punch that would (and many times did) land a bully on his ass. My dad taught me never to start a fight but if at all possible, to end one. These are the same parents who taught me that respect is something to be EARNED. Sadly, most people today, kids especially, feel that they are ENTITLED to respect. Guess again...no one is.

If you work hard, you will earn respect. People aren't going to run up to you, throw their hands in the air and scream how much they respect you. They probably won't hold a parade in your honor either. Respect is usually silent...and it might be mistaken for apathy. You may feel taken for granted. If that's the case...work harder.

Back to this school in Ohio. Good for them. I'm sure they feel that they are doing something good and worthwhile...but are they? They sound more like whiners to me. Sure, they threw a party, had some posters and t-shirts printed up, made some speeches, called in the local news...and everyone felt better about themselves for taking part. And shame on those who didn't. But what have they really done?

Sure, they've made everyone (who attended or saw it on the news/internet) aware that (gasp!) there are bullies in the schools. "Normal" kids joke and call each other "retarded". Sometimes they might even say it to be mean. But...the word isn't the problem. The parents are the base of the problem. Teach your kids well at home and you won't see much of this. Teach your kids to not tolerate other kids acting like assholes. Teach your kids to respect themselves as well as others. Teach kids to stand up for themselves. This zero tolerance bullshit is just that...bullshit. Every incident has it's own unique set of circumstances. Research those and you'll likely find the real problem.

These "feel good" types make me want to puke. Believe it or not, EVERYONE has problems of some sort. Some may be more visible than others. While the grass may look greener on the other side, I can pretty much guarantee you that it's an optical illusion. These "feel good" types are the same ones who think EVERYONE deserves a trophy...just for showing up! What a crock of shit! That attitude belittles the hard work by those who want to excell at something. What that attitude tells us is that "if you do the bare minimum, you're just as good as the person who busted their ass to do something". I don't know about you but I think that's also a crock of shit.

Why should we be made to feel bad because someone didn't even try? Because that person then feels bad? Screw that! IF they feel bad, maybe they'll try harder next time. Maybe they'll put forth an effort! Maybe...just maybe...they'll learn something from it.

Losing never feels as good as winning...but if you do your best, you should be proud. Being bullied never feels good either...but in my case, it made me work that much harder at taking care of myself. Communication is a must in this world. I was incapable of clear communication as a child. The sight of me waddling down the hall at school, wearing whatever God-awful attire I chose (lots of fights with mom about my clothes! lol) also made me a target. The kids that bullied me always got theirs in the long run. They found out the hard way that the little fat kid who talked funny could be meaner than a pit bull. As I got older, I always stood up for anyone being bullied. I still do. But bullies are, unfortunately, a natural occurrence. They will always exist...and kids will always say mean, hurtful things to one another. Why? Because sometimes parents fail to teach them. Worse, some parents don't even try.

If you read this and feel uncomfortable...too bad. Maybe it'll make you think about how you treat people. It's up to YOU to feel good about yourself.