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Show Biz 101


Thanks to Tracey and Jim for inspiring this.

So you want to be an entertainer (singer, musician, DJ, comedian, etc...), well good for you. Now that you've decided to reach for this lofty goal, allow me (with 30+ years experience) to clue you to reality.

I don't care what it is in life you hope to achieve...but if YOU don't place a value on YOUR talents, no one else will. Let's face facts, those that 'purchase' in the entertainment industry are not just the patrons in the clubs or those who buy CDs, download mp3s, etc. The REAL purchasers are the club owners, promoters, etc. that YOU essentially work for. So much for that idea of being "self employed". You ALWAYS work for SOMEONE. Unless someone is willing to PAY you for your time, you are an amateur. Not that that's bad. Amateur comes from latin, meaning to do something for the love of it. And that's cool too! But this piece is for those who want to make money from their talents.

Unless you live in an area where you are the only game in town, you're going to have competition. That's normal & healthy. That should push you to be better than your competition. If you're a comedian, you have to be "funnier". If you're a musician, you have to play "better". But remember, these are relative to the crowd you are performing for.

So you've decided that YOU have what it takes to be a star...in your own town, regionally, nationally, or globally. You friends/family think you're THAT good. Well that's dandy. Now you have to convince someone to PAY you...otherwise, you're going to be a very talented and hungry person.

Open mic nights/jam sessions? Great place to try new material. You're not going to make a dime there. But you just MIGHT catch the attention of some people who dig what you're doing. Now the trick is to get those folks into a venue that agrees to pay you.

How do you decide what you're worth? I'd like to think that I'm worth a million dollars a day...but convincing someone else to pay me that much has proved elusive. I HAVE, however, been paid as much as $10k for an hour...so I must be doing something right. Unfortunately, that's proved to be the exception rather than the rule. So how do you figure out what you're worth? Pretty simple actually.

See your "job" as a career. Be willing to put in an 8-12 hour day. You'll spend at least that much working on your material, honing your skills, and trying to find people to pay you to do whatever it is you do. Trust me, you're going to spend A LOT of time doing that! It's rare that someone is going to hunt you down to throw money at you because you can do "your thing". Once you've made a name for yourself, some folks WILL look for you. You may be lucky enough to have an agent to handle that for you...but I can guarantee you, the purchaser is still going to try to get you at a bargain. Let's face it...people are cheap.

So you want to book a performance...yet no one knows who the hell you are or what you do...what next? Be willing to SHOW what you can do. Have a demo tape/cd/dvd...whatever. Be able to back up what you say about yourself with something tangible...press clippings, film clips, etc. What's the old saying? "It's not bragging if it's true" Don't be afraid to tell the truth about yourself. If you just performed for 10,000 people...say so! Whether or not they enjoyed it is relative. Just be able to prove that you did it.

So how much are you worth? Factor in your expenses, plus what you've already spent, plus what it takes for you to survive. If you plan to do, say, 3 performances per week...you'd better be able to live off of that plus put a bit aside to keep from starving. If you're SUPER POPULAR, you'll be able to do this with no problem. But if you're one of the rest of us...you'd better plan ahead.

Now here's the drawback. There are lots of folks out there...some with talent, some without...who are willing to do the same job for free. These folks are called whores. And trust me...there are lots of them. Here's where you'd better be able to convince whoever is looking to purchase talent that YOU are better than the whores. How can you do this? Salesmanship. Learn to talk the talk. Don't put so & so down...that's comes across as petty...and it will bite you in the ass. Remember, there are more starving artists than there are Picassos. Learn to sell your talent as a commodity. If you're new to the biz, learn to bargain...but NEVER do it for free. You better receive SOMETHING for your efforts. To quote Chuck Hughs of the Hillbilly Hellcats' song 'I Hate Music (It Ruined My Life) , "you can die of exposure in less than a day". If you have to, agree to a flat rate versus the money taken in admission. Or agree to the admission price. But make sure you agree to some sort of compensation. Unless you know and trust the person, GET A SIGNED CONTRACT! If the purchaser refuses to sign it, then they've just proven that they cannot be trusted. Ask yourself, would a plumber come and fix your toilet HOPING he/she gets paid? Hell no. They know that they will. Why? Because you've agreed to pay them. You have placed a value on having a functioning toilet and you've placed a value on the plumber's ability to repair/maintain that toilet.

There are no overnight successes...regardless of what you see on TV. No one has ever woke up and become a star without some effort. If its worth doing, its worth doing right. Take the time to do it right. If a purchaser won't pay you...DON'T WORK FOR THEM! Period! If the good acts all refuse to work for someone who doesn't pay, either that person goes out of business or they learn to pay. Simple as that.

So then why are there so many acts out there stuggling? Because they've all been led to believe that have to work for free..."paying their dues" is what they call it. Horseshit. Back in the early 1980s, I never got paid less than $50 per person for a show. Sadly enough, its tough to get that much today! Why? Simple: the whores will do it for free. And purchasers will always gravitate to whores. Who doesn't want 'something for nothing'. Its like "no strings attached" sex. Unfortunately...there is no such thing. That "NSA" sex will leave you with a disease...or an unwanted pregnancy...or a stalker. Fun! Not!

OK, what about doing a benefit show? Sure...if you feel that your interests are being served as well as the purchaser's...by all means do it. There's no shame in giving something to the community. Just don't give all you have. You'll be left with nothing.

I hope this teaches those of you who want to be in "show biz" a lesson. Guess what...everyone you work for is going to try to get you to work for free. That's called slavery. Do you really want to be a slave? I'll tell you from experience that once you've tasted the adoration of the public, it's more addictive than any drug. You will want it MORE & MORE...until you grow sick of it. But usually by then, you're used up. Take the time to do it right. VALUE your OWN abilities...or no one else will.

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