When I was a teen, I was heavily into punk rock (and speed). I had spikey hair, often dyed different colors, ripped up jeans, the whole "uniform". We didn't see it as such back then...but it is what it is.
A couple of years ago, I had to go to the mall. Ross Park Mall, to be precise. I hate going to the mall...any mall...for any reason. But, it was the holidays and I had to pick something up for dear ol' dad...so off to the mall I went. Luckily, dad will usually tell me, well in advance, what he wants, so it makes it simpler.
So, I'm at the mall, have found dad's gift, and was in the checkout line waiting to get the hell out of there to go home. Behind me was a kid of about 16, dressed almost identically to how I used to dress in my teens! Same hair, many of the same buttons/pins on his jacket, and wearing the same style jacket I wore! (Mind you, my jacket was originally my dad's from the 50's. It was still cool in the 80s, it fit well, and was multipurpose...so of course I took it!) This kid, one could tell, thought he was the coolest, most rebellious kid around.
The kid was with a man that I can only assume was his dad. A guy around my age...but having that "Yes I look worn out. I've been raising kids for 16-18 years and really want a vacation from life" look about him. His wardrobe looked like it came from Sears. This guy looked like he was completely over it all and could really use some fun in his life. Metzger to the rescue!
As I knew it was gonna be a while waiting in line, I eyeballed the kid...lil Sir Punksalot. Don't get me wrong...I love that kids today still dig the same stuff I did growing up...but it also saddens me that they have nothing of their own to claim or want to claim. So I did what one would expect me to do. I fucked with him. Good-natured of course. I didn't want his dad getting all pissed off and starting a scene. Remember...I was doing this for the dad. He needed some fun. OK...I did it to amuse my self too...and to pass some time.
I eyeballed the kid and started reading the buttons/pins/badges all over his jacket. "Yep...I have that one....and that one...and that one... Funny kid...you look just like I did nearly 30 years ago! Take a good look at your future! Old, fat and tired! Yeppers! That's what ya get to look forward to!"
The kid looked humiliated and a tad pissed off. His dad was doing everything he could not to bust out laughing, publicly, at his son. Taking this cue, on I went!
"So, what ya using to spike that hair up? Elmer's glue? Egg whites? Oh wait...no...your generation, you're probably using some $30 hair product..." At this point, the dad, laughing out loud, chimes in, "Oh yeah! This kid drops at least $75 a month on his hair alone!" Then dad proceeds to tell me that junior searched high & low for pre-ripped jeans. He couldn't believe it. He & talked about how back in our day, we just kept wearing our jeans until they wore out...and then kept on wearing them! Mind you, I'm pretty sure Levi's were cheaper then.
The whole time, this kid looked ready to explode. His dad and I had a good time....partly at his son's expense. His dad even commented that his son really is a good kid...just dresses funny. He & I discussed the need for kids to self-express. The kid looked like he was trying to figure out a way to disappear into the floor. Seeing that junior was into punk rock, I suggested a few albums for him. Even told him some good places to find them. Junior muttered "thanks" and his dad, finally looking like some life had crept back into him, told his son to "speak up" and thank the man properly. The dad & I chuckled. The kid was just mortified.
Sometimes it's fun to be a cranky old bastard.
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