I Hate Me. I've been thinking a lot about these words lately. I read an article last week about record producer Rick Rubin. It seems that when he first started working with the late Johnny Cash (let's face it, Rubin resurrected the man's career!), Rubin suggested that Cash use the words "I" & "Me" less. As a writer myself, it can be tough to omit those words!
We all tend to see the world only through our own eyes. Most of us, regardless of what we think, feel, or believe, lack any true sense of empathy. It would probably be safe to say that even Mother Theresa had her own reasons for doing everything she did. Her actions were noble and positive and helpful to many others...but what was her true motivation? Probably, to impress God. This writer could be wrong...but could also be right.
How often do any of us honestly put others first? When/if we do, there's probably hidden motive. Maybe it makes us feel better about ourself. Maybe it's to impress the proverbial Joneses. In my own case, for 25 years in the mental health field, I enjoyed it and it provided me with a modest yet comfortable living. I also enjoyed the challenges of learning to read people. While my actions were noble, and one could say that most of my motivations were as well, part of it was purely for me.
Since being pushed out of my field, I have found that I still tend to put other's needs before my own. Old habits die hard, I guess. While no longer making my living helping others, I still, at least, try to on a daily basis.
So yes Rick Rubin: "I" & "Me" are words that each of us should probably try to replace whenever possible. But what to put in their place? How about "Us" & "We". That might help us all to see things in a light more in keeping with working towards the greater good.
Now I'm sure that some out there will read up to here and think "how awful!" or "that's communism!" or some such silliness. Those are probably also people who overuse the word "hate". They HATE pimento loaf or they HATE sitting in traffic or they HATE moochers and welfare cheats. But really...what is hate?
Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines hate as "intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury". Fear, anger or sense of injury...all things having to do with "I" & "Me". This scares ME. This angers ME. I feel I have been inured, in some way, by that! It might be fair to say that we all need more education...which could lead to an eradication of hate.
Fear is most often based on the unknown. Anger often stems from fear of the unknown. A sense of injury is vastly different than an actual injury. (Sitting here right now with a pinched nerve, I can tell you...the worst insult I've ever received has never hurt as bad)
While I can fully understand fearing pimento loaf (Really! What IS that stuff??????) I don't think I can honestly say that I hate it. I'd rather not eat it...but if hungry enough, I would. While sitting in traffic may make me angry at times, to say I hate it is a misnomer. Chances are, if I'm stuck in traffic it's because I didn't plan well enough...nor did a bunch of other folks. So rather than say we hate it...we should probably all laugh at each other....together!
As for moochers, welfare cheats, and the things in life we don't understand...why don't we all try to be a little more understanding? If a beggar wants a dollar to "get something to eat"...but you worry he/she may spend it on booze or dope instead...buy them a sandwich. Or maybe just explain that you can't help. If someone is on welfare, chances are they need it. If you don't believe me, try applying for any kind of assitance. No one is just handing out checks!
No one wants to be poor. No one wants to ask for help...no matter what certain Faux News talking heads and certain politicians want you to believe. Those people are just spreading hate...which remember, is based on fear, anger and/or a sense of injury. It's not hurting anyone. Really.
If you don't understand something...ASK! Research it. Don't just accept the first thing you read or hear. Learn as much as you can. Learn from as many points of view as possible. It will make you a better person...and perhaps bolster those feelings of empathy that we all want...but many don't have. (or should I say 'don't have in abundance')
This life is short. Too short. Definitely too short for hatred, fear, anger, etc. Too short for just I & me. It's a short trip...and we should all try to make it as positive and worthwhile as we can.
For Herm & Ricky. R.I.P.
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