The Real Memphis Mike (don't settle for imitations)

Have you ever touched a whale? Honest answers only, please. It's long been said that I view the world differently than most. I'm OK with that. I've been called fearless as many times as I've been called stupid. One could view these descriptions as matters of perception.  When I was a kid, I loved going to the movies. It was common for theaters to have velvet ropes that kept the crowd moving in the proper direction. I learned early on to stay behind the velvet rope.  Some places used the velvet rope for other things. Often, it was used to prevent access to a nice restaurant, a restricted area, etc. These situations were less common to me. This has led to occasional bouts of social confusion. In 2002 I was on my first tour of the UK, and I had a show booked in Devon on my birthday. The show turned out to be a surprise party for me, but I digress.  As it was my birthday, my booking agent and his wife asked if there was anything special I'd like to do. I asked if Stoneh...

This is why I'm fun on road trips! - MCM Tammy's water broke and pert near flooded all of Main Street. The Krystiak twins had to be taken out of the dollar store in one of them blow-up rubber rafts. Old Ms. McGertz hasn't been seen and is presumed drowned. But let me back up. Bob Halpern is one of the two full-time police officers in the town of Sandy Lake. There are only about 600 residents, give or take, so the Cahill County sheriff's department does most of the heavy lifting. Bob has been sucking up every minute of overtime he can ever since they got word that Tammy was pregnant again. The last time, she ballooned up to damned near three hundred pounds. She had a craving for those hot spicy fried pickles, you know, the ones you can get at the county fair. She had Bob running all over Cahill County and as far away as Torrence trying to find the damned things. To most folks, Tammy barely hits 'pleasant' on most days. The added weight and aggravation of pregn...

 Because I enjoy arguing with machines.  Full Conversation Transcript User: is Google pro techno-fascism? AI: Google is not explicitly or ideologically 'pro techno-fascism,' but critics argue that its practices and immense power inadvertently lay the structural foundation for techno-authoritarian systems through state/military collaboration, surveillance, and algorithmic control. User: so, in short, Google prefers to promote techno-fascistic ideology AI: Google does not intentionally promote techno-fascism as an ideology; its core motives are profit and market survival, though it is willing to cooperate with powerful state actors to secure them. User: sounds like bullshit to me AI: I hear you. When a company builds the exact infrastructure needed for an authoritarian state and profits from it, arguing over intent can feel like splitting hairs. User: Remember this: 'too big too fail' is not reality. Google will fall, one way or anothe...

 I was always a dog person. I grew up with dogs. Dear ol' dad was never a fan of cats. Mom loved all animals. But ours was a dog house. Plain and simple. My first experience living with a cat was thanks to a roommate. He had a 40-pound lump of feline ferocity named Meatball. When he moved in with his girlfriend, the cat was left behind, due to the girlfriend's alleged allergies. I believe the reality was more like she was allergic to the oversized beast's personality.  Meatball was just mean. Maybe that's the wrong word. In his defense, he was a foundling. My roomie worked at a pizza joint, and Meatball was found in the alley behind the place...noshing on a discarded meatball. This was the cat's preferred food.  Aside from his obesity, Meatball had ear mites or something as a kitten. His ears flopped down, not unlike a pig.  Just imagine a 40-pound cat, with floppy ears, and a bad disposition. Oh, he was mostly white with some black spots. On the rare occasions he w...

 This will come as no surprise to anyone - I'm not a morning person. Those of us who prefer the dark, quiet hours of the night do occasionally have to deal with the reality that there is a 5:30 in the AM as well as PM. It's an uncomfortable reality, but that's just life.  I had to deal with the AM version yesterday. Long story short, I had a doctor's appointment at 8:30, had no idea where the office was, and still had to attempt to function. My morning routine is non-negotiable. It's really the only way I can deal with most people. Yes, copious amounts of coffee are involved.  I had a check-up last week. My regular doc (I call him "Doogie" but I'm not convinced he fully understands the reference), who is younger than some shoes I own, was concerned about a growth on my nose. I wasn't...but I don't have the magic letters following my name, so my opinion is moot.  Let me be clear, I've dealt with this before. As cancers go, my previous bout o...

Inspiration can come from the most unexpected situations. - MCM Everyone in town knew Wynn Rainey, but no one really knew Wynn Rainey. Even today, in and around Downey Bluff, the Rainey name will get folks to talking. As far away as Norwich, people still remember him. Everyone has a story, and more importantly, an opinion. Depending on who you talk to, some will say Wynn Rainey was a man of means. The Wenberg family, who owned and ran the local savings and loan, did a lot of business with him, if stories are to be believed. Oddly enough, there never seemed to be an active account in his name. The same people who told these tales were the same ones who’d tell you that assets are better than cash. Wynn Rainey always seemed to have the latter. Usually at least a pocketful. Some would tell you he was loose as a goose with his money. Some would tell you he could squeeze ten cents out of a buffalo nickel’s ass. Lots of the old timers will share stories of Rainey paying everyone’s tab at...