STOP KILLING CHILDREN!

My fellow Americans, we have failed. 

We have failed, as a people, as a nation, and as human beings. We The People, permit far too frequently, the murder of our young. I don't give a damn which 'side' you think you're on. In allowing these murders to continue, you have failed. I have failed. We have failed. Now before anyone starts rambling on about their 'rights' and the God-Damned 2nd Amendment (which most of you have probably not actually read), think about this: WE MURDER OUR OWN CHILDREN! Just because YOU or I didn't squeeze the trigger does NOT mean that WE ALL don't SHARE THE BLAME. Guns are too easily obtained. Plain and simple. Serious, reasonable background checks are not unthinkable, and shouldn't be unthinkable. Proper licensure AND insurance coverage should be mandatory. You want to own a gun? I have no problem with that. You want to hunt or protect your home? Again, no problem. BUT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Every round fired by anyone reflects on each of us. Yes, there are guns that are acquired illegally. Do I have the ultimate answer for that? No. We also have an excess of guns. Look up the numbers. We could easily arm the entire country. Some of those guns are going to slip through the cracks. Guns get lost and stolen. Our so-called law enforcement doesn't seem to do much about those. Maybe they figure gun owners can just report it to their homeowner's insurance. But the gun is still out there. Where is the accountability? For every gun made, there is a record. Manufacturing, sales, serial numbers (and yes, those can too easily be scratched off...another problem to fix). Guess what, other weapons can kill children too. Bombs require some skill, knowledge and time to prepare. That will slow down a killer. Knives can kill, but only one person at a time. It's slow. Poison can kill and the killer doesn't even have to be present, so why are guns the go-to choice? Ease of availability. That's why.

I have friends who are teachers, from preschool through universities. I worry about them daily as much as I worry about the students. As a kid, I loathed fire drills. It breaks my heart to think of kids across this country having to sit through active shooter drills. Teachers should be allowed to teach. They shouldn't have to have paramilitary skills. They sure as hell don't get paid enough to teach, let alone combat killers. 

I'm sick of school shootings. I'm sick of mass shootings. I'm sick of hearing about manifestos. This country has a serious mental health crisis and it's resulting in our children being murdered. I saw this picture today and it broke my heart. No child, anywhere, should ever have to fear going to school for any reason. The allegedly United States of America need to take education seriously. Without it, and without our children, we have no future. 

UNLEARNING HATE/Отучаване на Oмразата

 Some of you may (or may not) know that I'm learning another language. For reasons of my own, I've decided to teach myself Bulgarian. This also includes learning an entirely new (to me) alphabet! While it might seem daunting to some, I see it as a fun (and useful) challenge. I think I'm doing pretty well so far. Rather than use standard learning tools, I'm mostly teaching myself. I'm approaching the experience from more of a behavioral perspective. How do babies learn language? They usually start by hearing it. Then learning to associate sounds with meanings. Then mimicking the sounds and ultimately forming sentences. Then after a few years of babbling, reading and writing is usually taught. 

I already know how to speak at least one language well, and can read, write, and formulate ideas in it. I can mumble my way through a couple of others. In my years in show biz, I've had the pleasure of working with people from a number of different countries, many whose primary language is not English. I've learned that the key to communication is basic. Learn the nouns and verbs you're likely to use. Learn how to say the words for different foods, drinks, daily objects...and you're off to a good start. Learn how to express wants and needs and you're on your way to actual conversation. 

Doing this, maybe it's because of my age, I'm giving serious thought to the words I want to put into daily conversational skills, as well as words I would prefer to leave out. American English, especially the 21st century variety, is a mess. "Love" is overused and grossly misused. Sadly, so is "hate". That's a word I try really hard to never use, in any circumstance. It's an ugly word with ugly connotations. It's tossed around far too freely. Someone might say "I hate spinach" or "I hate traffic" just as easily as they'll say they "hate" a person or group or an idea. I find that not only disturbing, but dangerous. Especially in another language. If I were to use that word as freely as it is used here, how will native speakers view me? I'd imagine they would view me more negatively than I would hope. I already have the disadvantage of being an American (we're not as popular out in the rest of the world as we like to believe).

I guess this leaves me having to look for alternative words. Rather than say that I "hate" something, what can I say? For example, Bulgarians are fond of their yogurt and cheeses...two things I, generally, don't care for.  While not as easy as being rude and saying that I "hate" yogurt and cheese, I can simply say "киселото мляко/сиренето разстройва стомаха ми" (yogurt /cheese upsets my stomach) or "Имам непоносимост към лактоза" (I'm lactose intolerant), both of these are not untrue statements.

If someone does or says something I don't like, I can simply ask why they are saying/doing it. Maybe there is a cultural difference I don't know. For example, they shake their heads side-to-side for yes and up-down for no...the opposite of what I'm used to. I can learn new things. I can unlearn things as well.  

Here's a short list of words that I can't wait to be able to use in conversations. They're all pretty positive. 

• Благодаря ти
• Моля те
• като
• наслади се
• чудесен
• радост
• удоволствие
• любов

Aging Differently

With yet another birthday looming large on the horizon, my mind wanders around the years behind me and the (hopefully) years ahead. While some find it amazing that I'm still alive (I often wonder how myself) it's really not surprising. I've tried to keep my health in the 'ok' range most of my life. I was born premature and spent the first part of my life in a plastic box (incubator). The only human touch I felt was via rubber gloves reaching into the box. As a kid, my health was never great. I managed to contract chicken pox, mumps, and measles at the same time. I caught every cold or flu that came around. Tonisilitis? At least count, I've had it over 30 times. The docs never even considered removing them until I was nearly 50, at which point it was considered maybe not the best idea. Infections? Damned near every organ in my body has had some sort of infection. Lungs, kidneys, stomach, liver, I practically lived on antibiotics until my 20s. At 12 I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I woke up and could barely open my hand all the way. Happened the next day, and the next. Dad, being a doctor, took me to the office for bloodwork (back when doctors offices did such things and didn't farm them out). Yep, RA. Welcome to life kid. Just a note (pun intended), playing guitar has kept my hands working all these years. I used to walk everywhere, which kept my knees going until the pandemic. They've since become a painful mess. 

Surprisingly, I never had a hospital stay until I was 18, and that was due to a car crash. I've been in a few times since. An out-of-control fever put me in for a day. Spinal surgery put me in for a few days (then 2 months on my back at home).  An esophageal spasm and ensuing coma landed me in for a week or so. A heart attack put me in for a few days. A stroke for a few more. And I did most of that alone. (my better half got me through the stroke, and the stroke that followed a month later)

I (allegedly) fathered a child at 16. I claimed her and was ready to step up to my responsibilities, but her mum took off with her at 2 months old. So, I never got to be a dad to her. I wanted to; her mum had other ideas. I've allegedly fathered as many as 16 other kids, but whenever I say, "paternity test", those situations disappear. I got married once, and that was a disaster. No kids there. 

I've always had music and work to fill my time. I've been lucky enough to have a lot of friends and acquaintances. I wasn't good at romantic relationships until I met my better half. We've been together nearly 15 years and she hasn't run screaming yet. I'm still not sure what's wrong with her. If there isn't some bizarre attachment disorder, or some deep-rooted psychosis, this woman should be up for sainthood. I know, I'm not easy to live with. 

For a few years, I got to be a 'pops'. A young man adopted me as his chosen father figure. Best time of my life. I got to do a lot of the 'dad' things I thought I'd be good at...and I think I was. But, after a few years, I guess he outgrew the need for a surrogate 'pops'. I'm thankful every second of every day for the time spent with him. I taught him music, I taught him to cook, how to fend for himself, how to manage those annoying adult responsibilities (bills, taxes, etc.). I even taught him to drive and helped him get his license. He taught me a lot of things too. From his view of the world, I saw my own need for improvement in certain areas and have worked to better myself. (Thanks D!)

Then I look around at my friends, my contemporaries. I see their 'normal' lives. Spouses, kids, grandkids (yep, we're getting old), vacations, careers, etc. It doesn't feel like I've ever been on the same path as any of them. Most of them have retirement to look forward to. A pension, 401k, IRA, etc. Kids to look after them when they reach adult diaper age. I don't have that. Any savings I ever had disappeared thanks to health issues. I was doing good until the strokes. Has a nice nest egg. Then I had to live off that. But I still have music, right?

Yes and no. I do still write and record, I perform once in a while...but the ol' body can't do all the things it used to. I've spent the better part of the past two years recuperating from my strokes. Most days I feel pretty good. I still don't have total confidence in the left side of my body though. The left leg sometimes shouts "ENOUGH!" and gives out on me. The left arm is still considerable weaker than the right. I have most of the dexterity back in my left hand, most of the time...but not 100%. Like the left leg, it sometimes shouts "ENOUGH!" and gives out on me. It hasn't happened during a show...yet. 

As with anyone over 50, especially with a birthday coming up, I'm taking stock of this life. Regrets? Nah, not really. I can't miss something I never had. I wish I didn't loathe school as much as I do. It was never challenging, and college was just expense after expense with little guarantee of a useful outcome. So much for those two PhD's I had originally planned. But I've educated myself, just as many of the greats have done. If I want to know something, I find out as much as I can about it. My OCD has been useful for this. I explore as much information about a given subject as my brain can hold. I can hold my own with professors on subjects that interest me. Being self-educated, I also think outside of the proverbial box, which is something I think more folks should try. Just because you come up with an idea doesn't mean you have to live by it. Sometimes it's just a mental exercise. Just like writing this blog.

I'm aging. So are my contemporaries. But are we aging the same? Should we be? At the end of the day, there is no comparison between lives lived. If you feel you've missed out on something, it probably isn't too late to try. 

a gift to myself

 I'm turning 57 in a few weeks. Not ancient, but definitely not young. My grandfather died at 57. I have that in the back of my head. No, I don't see myself croaking any time soon, but even if I live to 100, I have more years behind me than in front of me. So what am going to do?

I'm teaching myself to speak Bulgarian! And yes, that involves learning not only a language, but also a whole new alphabet. This is a gift from me to me for me. I think it's a shame that American schools don't do more to teach students to be multilingual. Back when I was in school, we could study Spanish, French, German or Russian (which was eliminated before I even finished high school). I can't say that I know anyone who took these classes who became truly proficient in the 2nd language they studied. 3 years of German and I speak it about as well as I did before taking the classes. (OK, I had some German speaking relatives, so that helped) I got straight A's all 3 years. My senior year I took French, only because Russian was no longer offered. Spanish never really interested me. I don't know why, it just didn't. 

Knowing a 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, 5th) language, especially in this day and age, would seem to be a must. Whatever your chosen profession, I'd think you could expand your work just by being able to communicate with colleagues/customers in another language. It opens up new markets. 

More importantly, you learn better overall communication skills, and that's a bonus for anyone. 5 minutes on social media demonstrates how little we think of our own language. Now imagine someone speaking your language, but as a 2nd language. We probably come across as morons. Sure, social media often isn't considered anything serious...unless you're a politician or celebrity. But language matters and is important. Communication is probably the most important skill any human has. Unless you live alone on an island with no contact with the outside world, communication is a necessity. 

I communicate through music as often as I can, but it's not the clearest form of communication. I can reach people, and they can react/respond, often how I hope they do, but to be able to sit down with someone, from another part of the world, and another culture, is magic to me. I often chat with people from a number of other countries, thanks to Google Translate. But 2-dimensional text ain't the same as honest face-to-face conversation. Understanding tone of voice and body language, along with the spoken (or even unspoken) words makes conversation much more important. 

As I understand, there are maybe 7 million people on this planet who speak Bulgarian. It's also an aging country. Some of those native speakers are dying off. I hope to add at least 1 more person capable of speaking/understanding the language. I have a long passion for their music. The more I learn about the country, its culture, its cuisine, its geography, the more I'm fascinated by the place. I'd love to visit. I think it would be great to visit small towns and villages, and have conversations with the regular, everyday people. I'd love to hear their stories in their own words, in their own language.

Of course, I chose what is considered to be one of the hardest languages to learn for an English-speaking American. But that doesn't mean I won't try. I actually already have a favorite letter in the Cyrillic alphabet. It looks like a snowflake and sounds like "zhhh". It's pretty neat to look at a word in a foreign alphabet and recognize what the different symbols sound like! Довиждане for now. I have studying to do.