THIS Is Star Trek!

  THIS IS STAR TREK, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!



(l-r Scotty, Chekov, Bones, Nurse Whats-her-face-that-no-one-really-cared-about, THE KIRK, Uhura, Spock, and Mr. "Oh My" his own bad self, Sulu. THIS is Star Trek!)

I've actually had this same discussion a few times in the past week. THIS is Star Trek. The REAL Star Trek, if you will.

"Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before." That was Captain James Tiberius Kirk's monologue at the beginning of every episode, bar two. Jim Kirk is in command of the Enterprise. Learn that. Live it. Love it.

When someone asks me if I like Star Trek (which I do), THIS is what I think of. I am usually horrified when asked the follow up question: "Which one?"

By this, I can only hope that they mean to inquire as to which episode I liked the most...because contrary to popular belief, those other shows just ain't Star Trek.

The REAL Star Trek aired from 1966-1969 and has been in seemingly endless reruns ever since. "Syndication" they call it....I call it reruns. And I love every damned episode of those reruns. I've been watching this pretty much my entire existence and will continue to do so. Hell's bells, I even like the movies. As a kid, I even liked the cartoon version of The Trek!

But what about those other shows/movies?

To me, they ain't Star Trek. OK...I'll give the new movies credit for trying to recreate the original characters for a new generation...however, they're still doing it wrong. (Spock doesn't have a girlfriend, OK. he just doesn't. He gets horny every 7 years. It's called the pon farr. Look it up. ) But...those other shows? AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Next Generation: Next generation of boring rip off, is more like it! It was the 'kinder, gentler' take on the Trek. It was like some Buddhist version of the Trek. Let's be honest, the only reason people watched it was because of Marina Sirtis' rack and the robot. You want to sell sci fi to geeks? Big boobs and robots are a sure fire recipe! The rest of it was irritating as hell. AND THEY CHANGED THE DAMNED KLINGONS!!!!!!!! WTF???????? Worst of all, NO KIRK. NO KIRK FU! NO KIRK F*CKING EVERYTHING IN THE GALAXY! NOT STAR TREK!

Deep Space Nine: It's the Trek's equivalent to a truck stop. An interstellar truck stop. An interstellar truck stop so overwhelmed with corruption and incompetence that the Federation had to step in to run it, lest those damned Ferengi's try to sell it for scrap to the highest bidder. Yes, there were a couple of hot chicks on the show...plus aliens. Recipe #2 for selling sci fi to the geeks: hot chicks and goofy looking aliens. But...not The Enterprise. It wasn't commanded by Kirk. Therefore...NOT Star Trek.

Voyager: What a mess. It was the United Colors of Benetton's dream version of the Trek. Led but what I'm pretty sure was a lesbian (and there's nothing wrong with here in the real world), Capt. Janeway, this ragtag, multi-ethnic bunch of so-called aliens were just a watered-down version of Next Generation. Star Trek Barbie maybe. It was just ultimately unwatchable.  Sooooooooooooo NOT Star Trek....or anything Trek! Just awful. The one couldn't even be blamed on an aging and infirm Roddenberry. I just don't have the words to describe my infinite loathing of this mess.

Younger folks will often argue that they prefer Next Generation (or worse, Voyager). I remind then that they're stupid. There is only ONE Star Trek...and that's the original. Anything else is a pale imitation. The REAL Trek has been likened to cowboys & indians in outer space...AND? So What?! That's why WE who like The Real Star Trek LIKE IT!  Kirk was making up his own damned rules as he went along and we damned well knew it! We admired him for it! He could damned near any being's ass...and on the rare occasions that he took a beating, he took it like a man! And the babes! Kirk got them ALL!!!!!!! For Pete's sake...the REAL Trek had the 1st ever interracial kiss on TV! The show loosely tried to tackle social issues of the day...but in the end, it was the characters that made the show. The friendship between Kirk & Spock. Bones McCoy's infernal cantankerousness! You just knew Scotty was getting liquored up down there in engineering. You knew if a guy was wearing a red shirt and beamed down to the planet...his time was up!

Sorry kids...THIS was the REAL Star Trek. Please don't ever refer to those other shows in the franchise as Star Trek. They're jut not. Like any franchise, it was devised to make money...not entertain. And it did just that. Those that were entertained will probably never admit that they'd rather watch the original...but you know how kids are.

If you don't like this...tough titties. I'm a blogger Jim, not a magician.