Screaming Goats: MY Theory

Many of you have probably seen the "screaming goat" videos where goats yell and scream with a surprisingly human sound. Although I've never been a fan of goats, I have spent some time in their company. I've never heard one scream like a human in real life. But lo and behold...here they are:



I have a theory about this...and God help me, the Creationists and far right Christians just may kill me for it.

Goats are evolving at an alarming rate. Today, it's screaming. In a few generations, it could be speech....and with it, a level of rational thought. Here's where we need to worry.

Goats are, by nature, evil critters. Their society is based not only on a natural hierarchy where the strong rule...but also, to some extent, on nepotism. See! They're already acting like humans!

There is a natural order to their world where each goat has it's own responsibilities within the herd. We need to concern ourselves with their potential ability to reason and plan. For all we know, goats could be, at this very moment, plotting to overtake the planet. We've all seen Planet of the Apes...why not Planet of the Goats?!?!?!!

Our own speech center is thought to be in Wernicke's area of the brain, near the auditory cortex (it's exact location has come under question recently...in front? behind?). Who's to say that goats aren't currently evolving their own Wernicke's area? As I stated before, this could well lead to full blown speech and rational thought...in as little as a few generations!

Will the goats be benign or malicious? Ask yourself this: Why have Satanists long portrayed Satan with a goat head? Ha! See! They're evil!

Be wary of the screaming goats my friends. It's not the zombie apocalypse you need to fear...it's the coming of the goats! Silence of the Lambs will be more like Silencing The Lamberts!

Laugh now...but don't say I didn't warn you! ;-)

(This is the sort of crap I think up while doing laundry....)