My Father's Son

A friend and I have been discussing (on Facebook, where such important issues are discussed) what it must be like to be a son of a Beatle.

I queried that it must be Hell to be a Beatles' child. No matter what they do, they will always be known, first and foremost as the son/daughter of one of The Beatles.

In my own small way, I understand this. My own childhood relegated me to being "Dr. Metzger's son". In fact, until I finally left Ohio for good, I was frequently asked if that's who I am or I would be referred to as such. My ego didn't like it...but it also taught me a lot about who my dad is.

Unless you lived in Steubenville, OH (or the surrounding areas) in the 70s/80s/90s/early 21st century, my dad's name probably means nothing to you. But, if you did, you've heard of Dr. Clyde Metzger. He was, for years, the only cardiologist in the area. If you or your loved one had any type of heart condition, from high blood pressure to cardiomyopathy to being in need of a transplant, you saw my dad.

I wouldn't even want to try to count the number of lives he has saved, or at the very least, made better. People often would tell me that my dad saved their life...or the life of a loved one. Hearing this, on almost a daily basis, was at times humbling, awe-inspiring and ultimately irritating. How was I ever supposed to live up to that?

I was always asked if I was going to be a doctor and follow in dear old dad's footsteps. Socially, I was expected to be a doctor. Luckily, I knew by age 5 that I wanted nothing to do with being a doctor. The long hours, never seeing the family, the exhaustion, the personal heartache of losing a patient...I knew early on that I wanted nothing to do with that. I wanted a life where my world wasn't dictated by my career. I have learned in my 46 years, that if one does something they love, it will always dictate their life.

I opted to work in the mental health field, as well as be a musician/writer/photographer. For 25 years I worked, primarily, with adults with retardation and other developmental disabilities. I loved this! I like to think that I had a positive influence on the lives of the individuals I worked with. I still hear from many of my former clients, so I'll assume that I did.

Somewhere along the way, my music became somewhat popular...locally and regionally at first. The Rowdy Bovines were very popular and kept me out and making music many nights a week. The nice thing was, I wasn't referred to as "Dr. Metzger's son" anymore. I was making my own name. As time went on and The Bovines split up, I kept on making music. I started my own band and eventually adopted a nickname (given to me by a club owner) as my professional stage name. Memphis Mike was born. The great thing about this was that Memphis Mike could be whoever you or I wanted him to be - wild man with a guitar, sensitive lyricist, drunkard, brawler, lunatic on the streets. I was able to play Jekyll & Hyde. I was able to be Mike Metzger, the guy who works with special needs folks by day, and this wild man by night. I loved it. I was finally free and clear of my father's shadow. Or so I thought.

In 2007, I had a massive heart attack. As I lay on a gurney in a hospital, about to have a stent put in, one of the nurse's asked me, "Hey! Aren't you Dr. Metzger's son?".  I just laughed. I hadn't heard those words in years.  I believe I said something crude to her...but I've been told I was no longer making much sense by this point. I knew that part of my life was over. The big question was...which part?

I spent the better part of the next year recuperating in mind and body. My life did change. I slowed down. I found myself in a happy and healthy relationship (a first for me...and trust me, my wild side fought it). I think I may have (GASP!) grown up. Being faced with one's own mortality tends to open one's eyes to reality.

More than that, I came to terms with just who my dad is. I've grown very proud of the old man. Mind you, he and I had, at best, a tenuous relationship for years. We're very much alike...and we see in each other the parts that we wish we could've accomplished in our own lives. Dad always wanted to play music and be a writer. He's always claimed to want to write the great American novel. I've often asked him why he doesn't just sit down and do it. In him, I see my own desires to help people...to save their lives, to make their lives better. I still have no desire to be a physician though.

My father and I have a pretty decent relationship these days. It only took 40 years. We're still not as close as we'd like to be...but that's just who we are. Stoic Germans. Dad is going in to the hospital next week to have a 2nd hip replacement, and I'll be there. He'll tell me not to show up and that it's no big deal...but I know he wants me there. We'll hang out for a while. I'll warn the nurses about what a pain he's going to be as a patient. (doctors and nurses, Hell, anyone in the health field, make the worst patients)  For that brief bit of time, I'll happily be Dr. Metzger's son. Some of the nurses will know me from my music. Some might know me from my years in the mental health field. Some might not know me at all...but while dad is in the hospital, I'll just be Dr. Metzger's son...come to visit the old man in the hospital.

I've come to terms with life in my father's shadow. I know how to step in and out of it these days. I just hope The Beatles' kids have learned that trick.