I'm sure most people realize by now that I refer to my better half as "the young'un". Why? Because she's 15 years younger than I am. (Just call me Mr. Obvious) One would normally think that could be a hindrance to a relationship...growing up during different times could potentially limit our shared life experiences, thus creating a possibility of nothing to talk about. Also, she's young and good looking and I...well...I am not. I used to be...but with age I have reverted to being "cute". (And yes ladies, guys with gray hair really don't like that word "distinguished". We pretend we do...but we don't. To us it means "Hey! Look at the old guy. I bet he was something to look back in his day")
While the young'un and I have few similar interests, we use this to our advantage. Every day is a new adventure for us. Lucky for me, she is open to new things. I, on the other hand, am not. I am accustomed to things being just so, or as she would put, "set in my ways" (aka stubborn as a mule).
We both share a love of zombies. While she prefers to kill them on her Xbox, I prefer to watch "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD" (the original...in black & white...with a cameo by Chilly Billy). That movie is a Pittsburgh treasure! We have both, in the past couple of years, become fans of THE WALKING DEAD television show.
It's things like this that infuse new life and energy into our relationship (as well as tons of in-jokes that no one else would ever get...and we like it that way). This leads to the topic of this blog: our idea of 'pillow talk'.
After a long day at work, and having been working 6-7 days weeks for the past month (its the busy time of year where she works), she came home and after she put on her comfies, I made us some popcorn and we snuggled up on the couch...to watch more zombies. As with any couple, this leads to talking during the program. (this used to drive me crazy...but see! Even old farts like me can adapt!) As we both are inquisitive by nature, our conversations go something like: (OK, I'm paraphrasing here but it went kinda like this)
Me: I wonder if zombies poop?
Young'un: (stares at me)
M: Well, if they eat all that flesh/brains and don't poop, they'd have ginormous, flesh-filled guts wouldn't they?
Y: (stares at me) Well yeah...it'd have to go somewhere.
M: Imagine how bad that would smell! (I then went on a monologue about the possible stench of rotting flesh festering inside a rotting, undead, zombified digestive tract)
Y: (stares at me)
M: I wonder if zombies have a hyperactive salivary gland?
Y: (stares at me) Why?
M: If ya ever notice, their lips are usually gone but they always seem to be drooling...hence me thinking they might have a hyperactive salivary gland due to their zombie state.
Y: Imagine how bad their breath would be!
M: (stares at her....thinking "Really? They don't seem to poop yet she's concerned with their breath? If one got that close to me I'd probably have a coronary")
This is a typical night for us. Who says romance is dead? (or in this case...undead)
You know you're in a good relationship when you and your better half can have a serious discussion on zombie poop and not think anything is unusual about it. Mind you, she did give me some odd looks when I mentioned the prospect of midget zombies, hermaphroditic zombies and then wondered aloud if one of a set of conjoined twins died and became a zombie, would the other?
It's a wonder she hasn't run screaming yet......
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