Everybody Wanna Know Why I Sing The Blues!

The title of this blog is an old BB King song...absoultely BAD ASS stuff!

OK, I'm writing this for 2 reasons: 1) I find it extremely cathartic 2) People often come to me with their problems. Everyone thinks that they're the only ones to have a rough time...and I feel for them. That said, I too have known some extremely rough times. Its called "life". You can live it and enjoy it or you can wallow in your own self-perpetuating misery.

Here is a list of some of the "highlights" of my own dysfunctional life:

*1st suicide attempt @ age 4
*sickly childhood
*numerous episodes of family violence
*haven't been painfree since age 8 (rheumatoid arthritis)
*parents split at age 12
*found mom dead at age 13
*started smoking at 13
*started drugs at 14
*started drinking regularly at 15
*arrested at 15 for carrying a concealed weapon
*expelled from school
*3 years of court ordered psych treatment 15-18
*many bad relationships starting at age 19
*in/out of college from 1984-87
*dated a number of rape/incest/molestation survivors
*gf tried to kill me at age 20
*had to sign papers to commit gf to psych hosptial at age 25
*married at 27, divorced at 28
*numerous street fights age 15-28
*gf who I was trying to split from raped by a neighbor, I felt I couldn't leave her at that time, so I gave up the next 3 years of my life to look after her
*long periods of depression and self-loathing from age 5-40
*numerous suicide attempts age 4-39
*spinal problems started in late 20s
*cancer at age 34
* ex wife killed during 9/11 attack on NYC
*coma at age 36
*psych hospitalization at age 38
*self-detoxed from drugs age 38
*have watched too many friends and lovers die (more than 30 to date)
*heart attack at age 41
*arrested for assault age 41
*Began to change my life for the better
*quit drinking age 43

I am now 44 years old and loving life!!!!!!! Yes, I'm sure that your problems seem insurmountable at times...but they're not. Do not rationalize them nor make excuses. If you know you have a problem, or even think you have a problem, seek help! Talk to a friend, a therapist, a councelor, a member of the clergy, scream at the walls, go for a walk, run like hell, do whatever you need to...just do something!

Self-medicating is NOT the answer! If someone tells you it is, run like hell from that person...they're NOT helping you. They're only helping you to an earlier grave.

I'm lucky. I have a large number of people who, for whatever reasons, love and care about me. I'm also extremely lucky to have a career that I'm passionate about and have hobbies that I'm also passionate about. Without all of the above, I can guarantee you, I wouldn't be the happy man that I am, nor would I be likely to still be alive.

I will help you...regardless of who you are. My faith dictates that that is something I must do. That said, I believe that its better to keep you from falling than to help you up. If you dive headfirst into a shallow pond, KNOWING that its a shallow pond, you won't get much sympathy from me. I'll help you tend to your wounds but I will also remind you that you knew better in the 1st place. Call it tough love, Mikey-style.

I hope that reading this has given you the ability to look at yourself and realize that you CAN be happy...no matter what...IF you really want to be.