The Real Memphis Mike (don't settle for imitations)

Howdy Y'all & Happy Holidays! I'll say that as I know people of many faiths...not everyone celebrates Christmas. Deal with it. If you've been following my saga, then you know that life has taken an upswing for me lately. It's been a really rough couple of years...but it's all working out. Whew! Over the past year, my typically crappy health took yet another turn, and I was diagnosed with diabetes (aka...The Beetus). That was all I needed to hear! Aside from the physical complications that come along with it, it's a damned expensive disorder to have...especially for the poor and uninsured...like me! Luckily, my broke ass had found the Birmingham Free Clinic, down in Pittsburgh's Southside. WOW! What a great bunch! I contacted them last spring. I was broke, just about to run out of my heart medication, and really didn't know what to do. (For you Fox News lovers out there, NO...going to the ER is not a viable option. An ER visit costs, usually, $1...

"I can't breathe!" If you've never experienced this, then you don't know what scary is. I've experienced it a few times. Twice, due to using too many drugs, a few times due to reactive asthma, and once when I was literally choking to death. (I was clinically dead for 7 minutes, followed by a week in a coma) I've had guns in my face. I've been stabbed. I crashed a car at 120mph. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is as terrifying as not being able to breathe. Now imagine that the reason you can't breathe is because another person, another human being, is causing this. Worse still, imagine the person causing you to NOT BREATHE is someone you should be able to trust. Someone you should be able to trust to NOT kill you. How fucking scary would that be? Think about it. I won't go into the details. Sadly, it's all over the news...and it should be. Sadder still, it never should have happened. Justice is not being served. Just imagine, if only ...

I'm an AC/DC fan. If you're 'of a certain age', and enjoy rock & roll music, chances are you are too. But here's the thing...as great as the Back In Black album is, I was sick of it within weeks of it's release. Yeppers, even back in 1980, radio stations were killing music by putting certain songs into heavy rotation. Sure, these were, and still are, GREAT songs...but damn, enough was enough. It wasn't the only album available but you'd think it was. It was everywhere. I don't know many of my contemporaries who didn't have a copy...whether it be on vinyl, cassette, or (gasp!) 8-track. Many updated to a CD copy 10 years later. Why? The record is just that good. Yes, I dig the album...but pretty much ignored it for years...because I just couldn't get away from it. Eventually, I'd hear one of the tracks on the radio and crank it up...giving it it's due. BIB is really one of those records every band wishes they could record. Song ...

You're not going to like what I have to say. I've been trying to keep quiet about the mess in Ferguson, as well as all of the other bullshit plaguing not only our country, but our world...but there's only so much I can handle. I'm seeing your outrage and your confusion. I'm watching the news and seeing people destroy other people's property. For what purpose? It doesn't help. I see the so-called protests and marches. Again, all that these people are doing is drawing attention to themselves and not the greater issues at hand. In short, they're in the way. They're a distraction. An angry mob is just that - an angry mob. They're allegedly full of emotion, but they've also got their arms full of stolen goods. Sorry, but that's not a cry for justice. That's just theft. It's not necessarily race that started this mess in Ferguson. You can blame the cops all you want. If you really want to know where to lay the blame for this, and ...

BACK BY OVERWHELMING POPULAR DEMAND!!!!!!  I honestly have no idea how long I've been posting this. Check at the bottom for an update. Thanksgivus Thanksgivus: that's what she called it. The 'she' in question would be a very short, loud, middle aged black woman with retardation who I supervised for years. Her name is Omega...fitting because she truly is THE END!  Omega didn't exactly have a speech problem but I think her hearing wasn't 100% on the mark, as certain words would get slurred together such as "Thanksgivus". Another fave was her version of Social Security, which often sounded more like "sociable secretary" (of which I've known a few). Thanksgivus (which is what I now prefer to call the US holiday Thanksgiving) is the last Thursday of November (this is for my overseas friends who may not be fully knowledgeable of the subject). It is the holiday where we Americans give Thanks to God for giving us BIG tasty birds, punkin p...

I'll target this to those of us 'of a certain age', but it's for anyone who seriously wants to lose weight. I've battled weight most of my life. When I was a kid, I hated food. I wouldn't eat. Mikey did not like it, nor would he eat anything . When I was about 10, I discovered junk food. THAT I liked. Every day, I would walk to the Dairy Mart and buy a quart of Mt. Dew, Doritos, a candy bar, and more often than not, a pack of Suzie Q's. Over the next few years, I realized that I didn't hate food. I just didn't particularly care for my parents' cooking. Bless her, mom tried. She made some dishes that were awesome...but others would make me want to run. Dad, when he cooks...well, the man can make a good looking meal...he just never learned about flavor. I used to think I hated Chinese food, based on what he used to make. It just tasted like peanut oil. My lifelong go-to food? A quadruple decker toasted peanut butter sammich. I dig carbs! By ...

The rash of "What's Wrong With The Music Industry" articles is welling up again. I read these and just shake my head. Pretty much everyone has a theory or a story, but few can make any really sense of it. I've been a working musician for 35 years. For the first few of those years, I played music that few wanted to hear at the time (punk, mostly). Really, that shit didn't flush in the redneck dives where I lived. There weren't enough of us around to even try to get an indie event going (you know, rent a hall and a PA system, bring in some bands, charge a cover, etc). If I was really lucky, a band I was with would get to play a house party or some skeevy underground club an hour or three away. And we wouldn't make squat. But it was fun. I started playing in a rockabilly band when I was 16. This is when I started to see MONEY. We'd play old rockabilly stuff, throw in a lot of 50s covers, some country, some Beatles songs, and at least one slow song per...

Thank you to ALL of the vets who have served our country. We all know a vet. It might be a family member, a friend, a neighbor, the guy at the bar...you might be one yourself. To all of you, thank you. Please don't forget the vets that you don't see every day. The ones that gave more than they had to give...for you and me. I worked in a facility that housed a large number of vets, from all branches of the military. Some were enlisted men, some were officers. The facility was a licensed personal care home. These guys, all older gents, had all lost any hope of a 'normal' life. They had seen things they couldn't forget. Some took to the bottle, some to drugs. Some of them, their minds just snapped. They were, for the most part, very humble about their service. Their bodies were spent. Their days were spent drinking coffee and bumming cigarettes. They wore cast off clothes. If you saw them on the street, you'd probably just see a bum or a psycho. The reality? Th...

A friend found out that I'm a Christian and an ordained minister. She honestly didn't believe it. It took a while to convince her, as well as convince her that yes, some Christians do have a sense of humor. I've long held the belief that God must have a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus! Either the Almighty has a great sense of humor, or He really likes smoking pot. And on the 9th Day, He burned a fatty, looked around and thought, "Gosh...what would happen if I mixed some duck parts with beaver parts, and made it poisonous?!" ..and then reached for the bag of Divine Doritos. OK...maybe ALL Christians don't share my exact sense of humor...but then again, I loathe cheese. You'd be surprised at the number of people who are certain that I'm the anti-Christ because of that. My big question is this: why are so many people always busy trying to put down my faith? I don't force it on anyone. I don't run around quoting scripture. I can...b...

My grandmother died when she was 88. She lived a good, fun life. She and her sister were both widowed in the 1950s, so they became roomies. When my grandmother passed away, I moved into the house. My great aunt had planned to move into an apartment, but I pointed out that made no sense. She had lived in this house for over 30 years. All of her stuff was here. Her life was based in and around the house. No need to change it. She worried that I would be bothered by living with an old woman...but I assured her that our schedules would most likely be different enough that we wouldn't get in each other's way. Besides, she was family...and one of the few relatives I actually liked! She was 85 when we became roomies. At that age, most of her friends were in their 40s. Aunt Ann could still party with the best of them. She was seriously a lot of fun. All of my friends loved her. As with anyone who lives that long, and has paid attention to life, she had learned a few things and was ...

As a rule, I've always enjoyed social networking...but lately, I'm growing tired of it. Maybe I'm growing into a different, less-tolerant person...or...perhaps I'm just tired of the 'same old same old'. I've always enjoyed social networks for the social aspect. I enjoy hearing from friends, especially those that I otherwise would have a more difficult time keeping up with: friends in other parts of the country, overseas, etc. I enjoy being in the loop of their daily lives. I love to hear about their lives, see photos of their day-to-day existence, etc. Like the old ad said, "The next best thing to being there!" But anymore...and I don't know if it's the social networks, society in general, or a combination of the two...I just don't like it as much. MySpace came and went. Facebook, for at least the past 5 years, was good. It's getting as bad as MySpace now...and I have theories about that. I'll be in the cold, cold ground bef...

Feeling inspired to write today, so this is what you're getting... My mind has been, as I'm sure you've already guessed, on music today. Same as any other day. It's my raison d'etre , if you will. A wiser man would have walked away from it by now, but luckily, I'm not a wiser man. I find too much joy in it to simply walk away because I'm not earning great Mammonian piles of cash from it. Every day in music is, to me, a new adventure. No matter what the weather is like outside, or how my body feels, or what is going on around me, my head is filled with music. New ideas, new spins on old ideas, a different arrangement, different voicings, there's always something to keep me happily occupied. I'm working on putting together a new trio. This one might make some money...then again, it might not. Either way, it's giving me a lot to do; coming up with arrangements, plotting the course I want this venture to take, exploring potential venues, etc. Alw...

For those of you not in or familiar with the glamorous life of show biz, a door gig is where the act gets paid whatever is collected at the door (or a portion of it), aka the cover charge. In a large venue with a built in crowd, this can be a nice payday for the act. The reality though, is less wonderful. 20 or so years ago, I used to play a joint called Kangaroo's. It was a large venue and there were easily 400-500 people there on any given weekend night. When we discussed our deal with the manager, I suggested giving us a buck a head. He was more than happy with that. We usually made at least $500 a night out of the deal, it was close to my house, the drinks were free, and all was well in the universe. Mind you, this was one of 4 or 5 shows we'd do every week. We actually made some decent jack for making music. Things have changed. A lot of venues now go for the 'showcase' type show. This means 3 or 4 acts sharing the bill for one night. I understand the idea - it...

What does these 3 guys have in common? I went for what I thought was routine blood work a week or so ago. I figured, "No biggy" . I get this done once a year, as I'm on regular medication for my heart condition and high blood pressure. Doc wants to make sure we're not wrecking my liver in the process of keeping my ticker working. Well, the next day I heard from my doc. She had some news that I didn't particularly want to hear. Bottom line, I now have  Wilford Brimley Syndrome (WBS), aka Type 2 Diabete s. OK...no one calls it that but me...just remember - humor is how I deal with things. On a more positive note, the rest of my blood work was amazingly good! I really shouldn't be too surprised. I'm 48, overweight, and while I try to take care of myself, I can do better. Also, I had a few episodes of dizzy spells over the summer. I attributed them to the weather. The first one, I was painting a house and thought I had heat stroke. The second time, ...

So the masses are cheesed off at Facebook and threatening a mass exodus...again. Remember when everyone was going to leave and use Google +? Yeah...didn't work out as planned. Twitter may have gained a few more users...but remember kids, Machete don't Tweet...and neither will I. The list of complaints is long and varied. Facebook really has screwed up in a number of ways...but, it's free to the user, so who are we to bitch? Sure...we have ads to ignore. All of our posts might not reach all of our friends...who, chances are, were ignoring them in the first place. Facebook wants bands and other business to pay to promote or boost posts. (From what I've witnessed, that hasn't really worked well either) Now Facebook wants to insist on people using their REAL names! GASP! SHOCK! HORROR! SHUDDER! If you have to hide behind a fake persona...I have to wonder why. I've heard many reasonable claims as to why, many based on 'safety' issues. Well guess what kids...