The Real Memphis Mike (don't settle for imitations)

It's that time of year again! Will the jolly aging fat man with the white beard and incredibly cool new hat visit YOUR house this year? Better put out those donuts and beer...JUST IN CASE!!!!!!!!!! And while you're waiting for the magic of Mikesmas...here's everyone's fave Mikemas classic...TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MIKESMAS! "Twas the night before Mikesmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even the cats; The beercans were flung on the floor without care, In hopes that a french maid soon would be there; The cats were nestled all snug in the couch, While each had visions of fricassied mouse; some bimbo in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, were each taking turns giving the other the clap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen rain Gave the lustre...

I was talking to my dad today. For those who don't know the old man, he's 78, a lifelong Republican and a cardiologist. He technically retired last year but still works 3-4 days a week, 3-4 hours a day at the hospital. Sitting at home doing nothing was more than he could handle. Dad and I are now both contract workers in the health field. This means that neither of us are technically employees. We have all of the responsibilities of an employee but none of the benefits. He and I are, finally, on a level to discuss things as equals. Our conversation today started out about my new job, life in general, and finally...money. Dad is having to learn to live on less...as many of us are nowadays. It's frustrating for him. He mentioned that even as a doctor, he has to wonder who, where and how he will be taken care of, medically and insurance-wise, when the inevitable happens. I welcomed him to the world the rest of us live in. We discussed, at length, what is wrong with the s...

Many of you have probably seen the "screaming goat" videos where goats yell and scream with a surprisingly human sound. Although I've never been a fan of goats, I have spent some time in their company. I've never heard one scream like a human in real life. But lo and behold...here they are: I have a theory about this...and God help me, the Creationists and far right Christians just may kill me for it. Goats are evolving at an alarming rate. Today, it's screaming. In a few generations, it could be speech....and with it, a level of rational thought. Here's where we need to worry. Goats are, by nature, evil critters. Their society is based not only on a natural hierarchy where the strong rule...but also, to some extent, on nepotism. See! They're already acting like humans! There is a natural order to their world where each goat has it's own responsibilities within the herd. We need to concern ourselves with their potential ability to reason and...

I've had a fair bit on my mind lately. The new job, being less than exciting, does give me lots of time to think. Perhaps too much... First off...there's a guy a work with, we'll call him "Don". He has cerebral palsy. In my former profession, I worked with many individuals with CP. In fact, the guy that got me started in my old work had CP. Now "Don", he's pretty cool. He is very proud that he has worked there for over 20 years. When I first started there, it didn't seem like many people talked to him. He can be difficult to understand and tends to drool a bit when he talks. From my former profession, these are both things that I hardly even notice anymore. If someone is tough to understand, you just listen a bit more intently. Chances are, you'll hear something good. As for the drool...just don't get too close. Anyhoo, I started talking to "Don" at work. He's a really nice guy, seems pretty smart, and is personable as...