The Real Memphis Mike (don't settle for imitations)

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!!!!! 7th YEAR!!!!!! I post this every year. Why? Because some folks ask for it....also because I like it. I hope you will too. We probably shouldn't need a holiday to remind us to be thankful for whatever we have...but I'm glad we do. So with out further adieu.... Thanksgivus Thanksgivus: that's what she called it. The 'she' in question would be a very short, loud, middle aged black woman with retardation who I supervised for years. Her name is Omega...fitting because she truly is THE END! Omega didn't exactly have a speech problem but I think her hearing wasn't 100% on the mark, as certain words would get slurred together such as "Thanksgivus". Another fave was her version of Social Security, which often sounded more like "sociable secretary" (of which I've known a few). Thanksgivus (which is what I now prefer to call the US holiday Thanksgiving) is the last Thursday of November (this is for my over...

If you're a musician, or have ever gone to see a live band, chances are you've heard some drunk yell for the band to play FREEBIRD!!!!!! 99.99974658% of all bands will say no. (proof that God loves us) If YOU are that person...stop it. If you want to hear FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!! so damned much, go home and crank up your 8-track. The rest of the civilized world doesn't want to hear anyone other than Lynyrd Skynyrd play that damned song...and most of us don't even want to hear that. I say this not because it's something that I have to deal with often but because it's 2012 and people still do it. Every bit as bad is when people in the audience think that the band onstage knows every single song ever written and can/will/wants to attempt to perform them all. My personal favorite was once when we were playing at a street festival and a gal of around 18 or so came up to me to ask if we do any Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey?????   I had to call her out in front of th...

Tuesday night, Obama won re-election. This is neither news (now) nor a surprise to anyone with a functioning brain. He was the better of the two (main) candidates, and he won the election. Early Wednesday morning, I heard (via the interweb) that a neighbor was considering flying the flag, OUR flag, upside down in protest. I told this person (again, via the interweb) that if that were to happen, I would be more than happy to come over and fix it. I chalked it up to election night mania. I mean really...who in their right mind would be so disrespectful of OUR flag to actually do such a thing. Then came the news. This was not a random, isolated thought. It appears to be a conspiracy of like-minded folks...aka, The Tea Party...the uber right wing fanatical pawns of the Republican Party. It's pretty much a given that Teabillies are less-than-correctly informed. They like to believe they are informed because they give credence to the fear mongers who play on their deepest collectiv...

Here's a list of things I never said as a kid (and I doubt any other kid has either): "I can't wait to have a mountain of bills so I can struggle to pay them!" "I hope I grow up to have a boss who treats me like crap and refuses to see my potential!" "I hope I can work 80 hours a week to make someone else rich!" "Playing is useless! I'd rather work all the time!" "I hope I can grow up to be old and stressed out and have an ulcer!" I heard a song on the radio today by a young singer named Brandi Carlile. It's called "Keep Your Heart Young" and I'd like to dedicate it to so many of my friends, colleagues, and contemporaries who have somehow managed to age themselves to the point of becoming crabby, stuffy old people! I don't know how y'all managed it but I do hope you can find a way to slow it down. I don't really feel old...and at 46, I don't really think I am. I enjoy life. I w...