FREEBIRD!

If you're a musician, or have ever gone to see a live band, chances are you've heard some drunk yell for the band to play FREEBIRD!!!!!!

99.99974658% of all bands will say no. (proof that God loves us)

If YOU are that person...stop it. If you want to hear FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!! so damned much, go home and crank up your 8-track. The rest of the civilized world doesn't want to hear anyone other than Lynyrd Skynyrd play that damned song...and most of us don't even want to hear that.

I say this not because it's something that I have to deal with often but because it's 2012 and people still do it. Every bit as bad is when people in the audience think that the band onstage knows every single song ever written and can/will/wants to attempt to perform them all.

My personal favorite was once when we were playing at a street festival and a gal of around 18 or so came up to me to ask if we do any Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey????? 

I had to call her out in front of the entire crowd for her stupidity. If you've never heard us play...nothing that we play sounds in any way, shape or form like Mariah Carey. I sing with a relatively low, gravelly voice. It is unfathomable to me or anyone else with any sense that I would ever try to sing a Mariah Carey song. Johnny Cash? Sure. Jimmy Reed? Sure. Stevie Ray Vaughan? Sure. Mariah Carey? Are you kidding me???????

We won't play any Metallica either. We used to do a version of "Mr. Sandman" and throw in a bit of "Enter Sandman"...but that was 10-12 years ago...and we did it to entertain ourselves...not the audience.

When someone stops the band to ask for a song...any song...essentially what that person is doing is messing up the band's groove. Most bands use a set list. This means that the band has taken the time to sit down and figure out the best way to present their songs in a manner most likely to elicit the optimum amount of enjoyment possible for the audience. Asking for FREEBIRD!!!!!!!! or Mariah Carey or Metallica is just going to throw the band's groove, however temporarily, off. DON'T DO IT!

We used to be the house band at a joint in town and there was this one drunken old Yinzer who came in every Saturday night and would yell, at least a few times, for us to play some "Rolling Stones".  I happen to like the Stones, so I worked a song or two of theirs into the set.

BIG MISTAKE! Drunken old dude would still yell out for it. One night, I lost my cool, threw down my Telecaster and chased him through the bar. Finally, I had him up against the wall and told him that not only had we learned a few Stones songs just for his enjoyment, we had finally reached our bullshit limit for the year. I told him that if I ever heard him yell for the Rolling Stones again, I was going to personally staple his penis to his nose.

At that point, he pissed himself.

Needless to say, this loss of my cool put a damper on the rest of the night. While many in the audience thoroughly enjoyed the sight of me debating whether or not to kill this guy, it put me in a foul mood...which is not conducive to me playing at my best.  A few weeks later, I told the club owner that we no longer wished to be his house band. This one drunken idiot took the fun out of the gig for us.

This is what happens when you are that person in the crowd. You take the fun out of it for everyone else. If you seriously think that a band could do a ripping version of FREEBIRD!!!!!!! or any other song, do yourself, the band, and the rest of the crowd a favor: come up to us on our break and politely suggest it. We'll still probably laugh...but we'll be laughing with you instead of at you.

If you insist on being that person, you risk a few other things. If you mess up the band's groove...they may not be asked back. This means they lose money. If a band is having a shit night, most folks aren't going to be inclined to stick around, so you're costing the bartenders/waitresses their tips. You're costing the club owner money. This is not going to boost your popularity.

If you don't recognize the music a band is playing, don't sweat it. Check it out...you just might enjoy it. They may even play something that you know. They may even play your new favorite song. Just don't be a dick.

One last question: Why don't these same people sing FREEBIRD!!!!!! at karaoke? I've never once heard anyone do it.  I've heard some God-awful things sung at karaoke...but I've yet to hear FREEBIRD!!!!!!!!!! (more proof that God loves us)

Don't ask for "Stairway to Heaven" either. I'm pretty sure it's legal in some states for musicians to kill you for asking that.