My grandmother was pretty funny. She had an often sly, sometimes bizarre sense of humor. Once, I brought a shy gal I was dating to meet my grandmother and great aunt. We went out for dinner and drinks. This same gal was so overwhelmed at meeting the rest of my family at the holidays that she needed a sedative. OK, most would probably want drugs to meet my family.
Back to my grandmother. We were sitting having drinks and talking while waiting for dinner. My girlfriend was barely saying two words, due to her shyness. My grandmother reached across the table, took my gal's beer, took her swizzle straw out of her own cocktail and started blowing bubbles into my gal's beer. My gal was, um, a tad surprised. I was laughing like an idiot, understanding what she was doing. My auntie said to my grandmother, "Dammit Marg! What ARE you doing? That girl doesn't want your spit in her beer!" My grandmother dryly replied, "Her beer looked flat. I thought I'd help her out. Nobody likes flat beer."
Needless to say, that was quite and icebreaker and my gal opened up at that point. Her and my grandmother really liked each other after that.
In any conversation I ever had with my grandmother, the first thing out of her mouth was usually "Got anything you want to confess?" She knew me well enough to know that I'd probably done something questionable. She always asked this with great love and humor. If I had something on my mind, I knew I could talk to her about it. Other times, I'd just make up some wild story. She had plenty of wild stories of her own, so it was tough to compete. She lived through 2 world wars. She had many stories about Prohibition, speakeasies, and stealing motorcycles. (she always gave them back...she just liked the adventure)
In closing any conversation, she always imparted upon me these golden words of wisdom. "Don't put any beans up your nose." Words to live by.
Gram lived to age 88. The last year was tough. A few strokes slowed her down and eventually landed her in a rehab facility. The last time I saw her, she was unable to speak or move and had a feeding tube in her nose. My heart broke when I saw her but I refused to show it. I knew, deep inside, this would be our last conversation. I was going to make it one she would approve of. I started off by asking if she had anything to confess. She gave me a smile that will stick with me until my last day. I talked to her about all sorts of thing. I was going through a rough patch but was getting by. I told her she didn't have anything to worry about. I also promised to look after my auntie, who lived with my grandmother. We spent a peaceful afternoon, me talking and her responding facially. It was as wonderful as all of the other conversations I ever had with her. As I was leaving, I stopped, and turned to her and reminded her not to put any beans up her nose. We both got the humor from this, considering the feeding tube in her nose.
(what did you think this was gonna be about?)
