Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Hey Sherman! Don't be a d*ck!!!!!!!!

I am an American. I could shout "MERICA!!!!!! WE'RE #1!!!!!!" but....I'm still trying to sort out this whole numeric order; Who is #2? #7? What is the classification scale?

I've spent a fair bit of time in other countries. I'd like to spend more time in other places. It has less to do with any personal dislike of my homeland as personal curiosity. I like checking out different places. I like experiencing new things. I found, in my travels, that Australia is a better fit for me in many ways...but not all. Their government wasn't too thrilled about me wanting to stay permanently. I get it We have a bad reputation. I discussed it with an immigration attorney friend of a friend there...seems we have a reputation for being unnecessarily violent. Ya think? One look at recent news and I can understand that perception of us.

Many of my fellow Americans believe our own hype. We're the greatest! The best! Land of the FREE!!!! Home of the BRAVE!!!!! Many would be surprised to find that freedom and bravery and all of that fun stuff isn't necessarily unique to the U.S. of A.

One freedom that we have, possibly more than others, is the freedom to fail (unless you're a bank or large corporation). Make a few less than brilliant decisions in life and you can find yourself utterly fucked. No food. No shelter. Definitely no health care. But you were free to make those decisions.

We often believe that everyone wants to come here and be just like us. Maybe in the movies...but not so much in real life. Sure, there are folks that want to come here. But...there are people that move away from here too. I have friends who have moved to Germany, the UK, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Canada, Costa Rica and a few other places. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they don't.

Those that want to come here usually want to, thanks in large part, to our unique way of marketing our country, often through movies and television. On my first trip to the UK, there were two questions almost everyone asked...as they believed these to be truths about the US:

"How many guns do you own?"

"Do you drive a Cadillac?"

While I found these questions amusing, it almost felt cruel to answer honestly and dispel the myth. While I have owned guns in the past, I haven't for a long time. I have driven Cadillacs but have never owned one.  Not my kinda car.

When friends visit from overseas, they often find things they like...as well as things they don't like. This is common. I've experienced the same in my travels. I've witnessed people have their first root beer, their first Dr. Pepper, their first milkshake, their first REAL pizza (never order pizza in the UK. It's just sad. It's as bad as ordering it in Indiana). Among the frequently heard complaints about the US is how bad our coffee is and how awful our bread is. I have to agree for the most part. Mind you, some good sour dough or Italian-style bread is wonderful (as is a good marble rye!), our Town Talk, Wonder Bread, etc....not so much. In fact, in recent years, yet another chemical has been added and now it won't even grow mold...even after 7 weeks! (I've tested this. It's true.)

Americans, however, continue to believe that we're the greatest. A nation of Muhammad Alis.....but mostly white and without the Islamic connection. We think we're the beautiful people.

We're not.

A phrase you'll often hear outside the US is "ugly Americans". We tend to dress badly. We often visit another country dressed like we're there to clean out it's garage or trim it's hedges. We can chalk this up to our own unique cultural preference of being comfortable. I'm reminded of a former co-worker who was planning her outfit for a dinner out with her husband and his new boss. She was planning to wear her "good sweat pants".  She was serious.

It may surprise you to know that there are slurs for Americans. Just like the unfortunate epithets for our fellow humans from other countries, there are many for us. I've been called a few of these. To my face. I think it was intended as an insult (in some instances) but it takes more than that to truly insult me. I'm not as thin-skinned as some.

For the cultural adventurers out there, here's a short list of some of the more common names our fellow humans have for us Americans. I won't lie...some really are amusing.

Amerikos - Russian derogatory term for a dumb American

Flash - Fucking Lazy American Shit Head. Used by Israelis to refer to American tourists who are accustomed to an easier standard of living.

Hamburger - Used by Koreans to slur Americans.

Hot Dog Eater - Used by Canadians, referring to American tourists who eat a lot of hot dogs.

Jake - Used by Jamaicans towards white Americans. May be from "Jake and the Fat Man" TV show.

Kano - Filipino slang for Americans. Shortened from "Amerikano."

Pindos - A new word for "American" used in Russia

SCAB - Stupid Caucasian American Bitches

Scheiss-Ami - Used by Germans as derogatory reference of Americans.

Sceptic - Rhyming slang, Sceptic Tank = Yank. Both are "full of shit."
Seppo - Cockney rhyming slang for septic tank = yank, shortened.
Seppo/Zeppo - Short for Septic, see Septic, Septic Tank.
Septic - Short for Septic Tank, which is rhyming slang for "Yank." Commonly used in Ireland. May also be used in the UK.
Septic Tank - Cockney rhyming slang for "yank", often abbreviated to "Seppo"
Septic/Sherman - Cockney rhyming slang. Septic Tank/Sherman Tank = Yank

SFA - Stupid Fucking American - not very clever, but very prevalent in Europe

TAP - Typical American Prick

Yank - A more commonly used derivative of Yankee, used by pretty much every other English speaking country in the world. It is usually derogatory, but can be an endearing term.
Yankee - Slang used primarily by the British. Also used in the former Confederate states to refer to people of the Union states. Origins can be traced to the Ottowa Indians calling the English, "Yang-gees," which morphed into "Yankees" by the British who then took that home after the French and Indian war in 1763.
Yankee Doodle - Used by the British Army to make fun of the rag-tag American army in the revolutionary war.

I would probably find all of this far more humorous except for the fact that my fellow Americans are growing bolder in their public displays of hatred towards each other. The reasons for the animosity are based on sheer idiocy. They're nothing more than excuses to act like a dick than to accept responsibility for one's own life. Its easier to point a finger at someone other than yourself.

Hey Sherman! Don't be a dick!!!!!!!!


List compiled from http://www.rsdb.org/race/americans

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