Hey Sherman! Don't be a d*ck!!!!!!!!

I am an American. I could shout "MERICA!!!!!! WE'RE #1!!!!!!" but....I'm still trying to sort out this whole numeric order; Who is #2? #7? What is the classification scale?

I've spent a fair bit of time in other countries. I'd like to spend more time in other places. It has less to do with any personal dislike of my homeland as personal curiosity. I like checking out different places. I like experiencing new things. I found, in my travels, that Australia is a better fit for me in many ways...but not all. Their government wasn't too thrilled about me wanting to stay permanently. I get it We have a bad reputation. I discussed it with an immigration attorney friend of a friend there...seems we have a reputation for being unnecessarily violent. Ya think? One look at recent news and I can understand that perception of us.

Many of my fellow Americans believe our own hype. We're the greatest! The best! Land of the FREE!!!! Home of the BRAVE!!!!! Many would be surprised to find that freedom and bravery and all of that fun stuff isn't necessarily unique to the U.S. of A.

One freedom that we have, possibly more than others, is the freedom to fail (unless you're a bank or large corporation). Make a few less than brilliant decisions in life and you can find yourself utterly fucked. No food. No shelter. Definitely no health care. But you were free to make those decisions.

We often believe that everyone wants to come here and be just like us. Maybe in the movies...but not so much in real life. Sure, there are folks that want to come here. But...there are people that move away from here too. I have friends who have moved to Germany, the UK, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Canada, Costa Rica and a few other places. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they don't.

Those that want to come here usually want to, thanks in large part, to our unique way of marketing our country, often through movies and television. On my first trip to the UK, there were two questions almost everyone asked...as they believed these to be truths about the US:

"How many guns do you own?"

"Do you drive a Cadillac?"

While I found these questions amusing, it almost felt cruel to answer honestly and dispel the myth. While I have owned guns in the past, I haven't for a long time. I have driven Cadillacs but have never owned one.  Not my kinda car.

When friends visit from overseas, they often find things they like...as well as things they don't like. This is common. I've experienced the same in my travels. I've witnessed people have their first root beer, their first Dr. Pepper, their first milkshake, their first REAL pizza (never order pizza in the UK. It's just sad. It's as bad as ordering it in Indiana). Among the frequently heard complaints about the US is how bad our coffee is and how awful our bread is. I have to agree for the most part. Mind you, some good sour dough or Italian-style bread is wonderful (as is a good marble rye!), our Town Talk, Wonder Bread, etc....not so much. In fact, in recent years, yet another chemical has been added and now it won't even grow mold...even after 7 weeks! (I've tested this. It's true.)

Americans, however, continue to believe that we're the greatest. A nation of Muhammad Alis.....but mostly white and without the Islamic connection. We think we're the beautiful people.

We're not.

A phrase you'll often hear outside the US is "ugly Americans". We tend to dress badly. We often visit another country dressed like we're there to clean out it's garage or trim it's hedges. We can chalk this up to our own unique cultural preference of being comfortable. I'm reminded of a former co-worker who was planning her outfit for a dinner out with her husband and his new boss. She was planning to wear her "good sweat pants".  She was serious.

It may surprise you to know that there are slurs for Americans. Just like the unfortunate epithets for our fellow humans from other countries, there are many for us. I've been called a few of these. To my face. I think it was intended as an insult (in some instances) but it takes more than that to truly insult me. I'm not as thin-skinned as some.

For the cultural adventurers out there, here's a short list of some of the more common names our fellow humans have for us Americans. I won't lie...some really are amusing.

Amerikos - Russian derogatory term for a dumb American

Flash - Fucking Lazy American Shit Head. Used by Israelis to refer to American tourists who are accustomed to an easier standard of living.

Hamburger - Used by Koreans to slur Americans.

Hot Dog Eater - Used by Canadians, referring to American tourists who eat a lot of hot dogs.

Jake - Used by Jamaicans towards white Americans. May be from "Jake and the Fat Man" TV show.

Kano - Filipino slang for Americans. Shortened from "Amerikano."

Pindos - A new word for "American" used in Russia

SCAB - Stupid Caucasian American Bitches

Scheiss-Ami - Used by Germans as derogatory reference of Americans.

Sceptic - Rhyming slang, Sceptic Tank = Yank. Both are "full of shit."
Seppo - Cockney rhyming slang for septic tank = yank, shortened.
Seppo/Zeppo - Short for Septic, see Septic, Septic Tank.
Septic - Short for Septic Tank, which is rhyming slang for "Yank." Commonly used in Ireland. May also be used in the UK.
Septic Tank - Cockney rhyming slang for "yank", often abbreviated to "Seppo"
Septic/Sherman - Cockney rhyming slang. Septic Tank/Sherman Tank = Yank

SFA - Stupid Fucking American - not very clever, but very prevalent in Europe

TAP - Typical American Prick

Yank - A more commonly used derivative of Yankee, used by pretty much every other English speaking country in the world. It is usually derogatory, but can be an endearing term.
Yankee - Slang used primarily by the British. Also used in the former Confederate states to refer to people of the Union states. Origins can be traced to the Ottowa Indians calling the English, "Yang-gees," which morphed into "Yankees" by the British who then took that home after the French and Indian war in 1763.
Yankee Doodle - Used by the British Army to make fun of the rag-tag American army in the revolutionary war.

I would probably find all of this far more humorous except for the fact that my fellow Americans are growing bolder in their public displays of hatred towards each other. The reasons for the animosity are based on sheer idiocy. They're nothing more than excuses to act like a dick than to accept responsibility for one's own life. Its easier to point a finger at someone other than yourself.

Hey Sherman! Don't be a dick!!!!!!!!


List compiled from http://www.rsdb.org/race/americans

We Got Kim!

While some of you are filling your unders worrying that Lord Dampnut is going to get us into a war with the North Korean Fascionisto, I've been sitting here trying to figure out what He Of The Tiny Hands is really thinking. I believe I've got it.

He was going to destroy ISIS in a matter of days. That FAILED to happen. Ban Muslims. FAILED. Build his wall and make our neighbors pay for it...FAILED. Repeal and Replace...FAILED. He's been trying everything his tiny mind can think of to undo anything and everything Obama did. Simply put, Obama really got under his skin. His perceived masculinity and self-worth are still so threatened by Barry O. & Co. that he has to find a way to at least match up.

While he could start by being a man and showing off his tax returns (the LONG FORM please...you know, the LONG FORM), we all know that isn't going to happen. He's too busy golfing, watching TV, still running for office, and declaring war on the media. While he should be busy trying to lead the country in a proud and productive manner, he's busy waiting for Putin to save his ass. (Ain't gonna happen)

So, while he HAS been busy pissing off our allies, he's also been picking a fight with one of the crazies. Kim Of The Krazy Hair Klub For Kommunists!

 In Baby Fingers' twisted little brain, he's probably thinking that if he can rid the world of THE EVIL NORTH KOREAN THREAT TO ALL MANKIND AND EVERYTHING GOOD AND SWEET AND FILLED WITH CANDY! it will historically negate Obama taking down Bin Laden ("We got him!"). In the real world...far from comparable. More akin to kicking the wheelchair-bound old lady with Alzheimer's who lives down the lane than tackling an evil mastermind.

 Back to the "long form"....I have to wonder how his wife, Melanoma, felt when Obama finally did produce his long form. I bet she thinks about that particular long form...often. Maybe she talks about it in her sleep. Maybe Donny's long form is out of it's element and just can't compare. (Sorry...couldn't resist being a tad juvenile...just so easy to do with this current SADministration)

So there we have it...the media hasn't figured it out yet. When they do, they'll have a field day with it. Lord Dampnut wants his own "We Got Him!" moment. A "We Got Kim!" moment, if you will. Another sad, pathetic attempt that will ultimately do nothing but make the once United States of America look more and more like a bad horror show. Seriously people, this clown has gotta go.

Just A Wee Bit Pissed Off

Like the title says, I'm a wee bit pissed off. Why? Good question. One could assume it's due to my latest vision-related health issue. One would be wrong.

No, it's band related. The Bessemers are no more. I shouldn't be this angry but I am.

The Bessemers were a cover band. Mind you, we, for the most part, played obscure or lesser known covers. The only reason I joined this band was to work with friends of mine who I consider to be top notch musicians (and I will NEVER call any of them anything less).

In May of 2012, I was asked to fill in on bass for a show with these guys, at the Thunderbird Cafe, opening for Danny Kay (who I later toured with as a guitarist). As I was out of work and had the time, I agreed.

One show led to two which led to three and so on. I was finally asked to join the band "officially". The funniest part - I didn't own a bass or an amp. I had been borrowing gear! (Thank you to Josh, Rob, and Mark)

Even though I was not working a "real job" at the time (read this as "Broke As Fuck") I managed to buy a bass. One of the guys in the band had a bass amp for me to use, so we were set. I eventually bought an amp and two more basses. Needless to say, this was an investment in the band (not counting my time) of roughly about a grand. (think for a moment how much time you'd work your normal job for an extra grand...then factor in that I didn't have a day job).

Long story short, we turned this into a pretty BAD ASS band! I didn't like all of the songs we played, but it was my job to play them well. AND I got to work with some great musicians!

Over the years, we played the usual crappy bar gigs, the occasional "opening act" gig, and gigs wherever we got paid. JUST LIKE ANY OTHER WORKING BAND! It all seemed to be going well.

Some of us in the band also played in other bands. This is not unusual. In fact, over the years, we've sat in with each others' bands. It's really been fun!

We had discussed recording. Odd, as we didn't do any original material....but as we did some really cool and unusual versions of some of the covers, I was intrigued at the thought of recording this stuff.

It never happened.

We gigged a decent amount. Not enough to prevent any of us from doing other gigs...maybe once or twice a month...but enough to get out there, make some noise, and keep the "brand" alive.

All of a sudden...it ended. One member decided he no longer wanted to work with another due to "artistic differences". That's all I'll call it. The reality is just too stupid to go into. As a fellow musician, I'll give this cat his due. If he's no longer comfortable playing with the same guys he's been playing with for years (who work really well together, I might add) then it's time to move on. I get it.

But really, do one last show. Say good-bye. Give it "closure".

Nope. Ain't gonna happen....even though we had shows booked.

Ideally, we'd pick one of these shows and call it the Farewell Performance. One of the shows we had booked was at a local festival. The PERFECT end to the band.

Again....ain't gonna happen.

I'm not pointing fingers. I'm not laying blame.  I'm just pissed off that it ended without an ending. 5 years and a lot of time and  money invested...I'm pissed! I even offered to take the band into the studio to record some of, what I considered, our better songs.

Well hem and haw...maybe...when blah blah blah.....fuck that. It's just done. I do not like having to be the one to say that but I'm not 20. I have other shit to do.

As a musician, I'm lucky enough to have a relatively good reputation, and after multiple decades, still get asked to do a lot of work with a number of great musicians. I've worked with some well-known names (as have my band mates). I'm still gigging and still being asked to do paying gigs.

I'm just pissed off that this quality band is ending without a proper send off.

It is, as far as I'm concerned, too late. The reasoning behind it all, from what I've been told, is just childish and unprofessional. Nothing that couldn't have been worked out. But noooooo. Typical small time petty bullshit.

In November 2007, I had a massive heart attack. 7 days later, I was back onstage. THAT is how seriously I take the art of making music.

The Bessemers essentially came into existence in 1992, under the name The Udder Cats. It was an offshoot/side project of The Rowdy Bovines. Over the years, the band has been changed to  The Daisy Cutters, Ethyl & Octane, The Bessemers, and possibly a few others. I've sat in on bass with almost each version. This last time round lasted 5 years. That's a fair bit longer than most bands last.

I'm just pissed off that it ended so poorly. It had been suggested that maybe we replace a member....but screw that. A band doesn't replace a high quality musician with one of undetermined skill. That's like replacing a Mercedes with a Hyundai.

So, its done. The Bessemers are no more. To everyone that ever came to a show, THANK YOU!
To those that didn't, and to those who might miss us...there are videos on YouTube.