When America finally falls....

Thank you to the U.S. Supreme Court for taking us another step towards the end.

A few years ago, I read that one of the cable channels was planning a series called America Town. The premise being that one day, in the not too horribly distant future, the US, as we've come to know it, would be a memory. Many of it's citizens would have emigrated to other countries, looking for a better way of life. The series never even made it to production (that I know of) and I've never been able to find the article again...so here's my take on it.

Imagine a slum in an un-named European city. This is one of the America Towns...not unlike Chinatown or Little Italy in many large US cities. The difference being that it is populated by former American citizens who have fled their homeland looking for a better, happier life in a more tolerant nation. 

Walking through America Town, one would probably smell hamburgers and hot dogs cooking. The residents would be fat and badly dressed. Peanut butter would be a dietary staple, looked down upon by most of the host nation's indigenous population, but considered a delicacy by a few. From the open windows, aging Americans can be heard arguing what their rights are in their new home, and complaining that they're not being treated fairly. Americans deserve to be treated better! 

Somewhere, someone is singing "America The Beautiful"......

Is this scenario really that difficult to imagine? Have we become so comfortable in our self-perception as the greatest nation on earth that we cannot imagine a day when our corporate masters set their sights squarely on us? Could we be the combatants in the last great war? The War of US vs. THEM.

Guess what...the first shots have already been fired. Chances are, you didn't notice because you were too busy be distracted by commercials and advertisements.

Wake up America. You've been divided. Next comes the conquest. Then the fall. That's how it always happens...isn't it?

Play it again Sam....

If you've been following the continuing saga I call LIFE, you may have noticed I haven't seriously played guitar in a while. A lot of reasons for this.

I've been busy doing other stuff tops the list. I went on an insane writing jag for a few months and sort of burned myself out comes in a close second. I just haven't felt like it rounds out the top three.

Well, I'm getting that itch to play again. You know what that means! Time to get loud! Time to round up Robbo & JD and attempt to make some noise. Who knows, we might be coming to a joint near you.

I've also been down. Yeah, it happens. No need to cry and wring hands or anything. I've been sitting on a finished CD for 4 friggin' years. I just don't know what to do with it.

CDs? They don't sell well anymore. Downloads? Are you fucking kidding me? That is the biggest racket in the world! There is NO WAY to account for what is/isn't being sold...and I don't know about YOU, but I'm not gullible enough to trust some corporate entity to be honest.

So...the record has just sat there.

In the meantime, life has gone on. More and more musicians keep getting screwed over. Hell, we should be used to it by now. But things seem to be changing.

Vinyl is making a feeble comeback. Who knows...maybe I'll look into pressing actual records. I like those better anyhow. No downloads. Nope. Don't trust em. Streaming? Fuck that. More money lost. I know I know...that's how things are done these days...

But guess what....

I've never played by anyone's rules but my own. Never. I've toured the world without playing by anyone's rules and I'll likely do it again. I'm getting that itch. Mind you, it could just be a skin disorder...

OK, here's a new old song for ya. I hope you like it. If you DO, please, let me know. It'll give me the boost to get off of my ever-widening ass to do something.

Those of you of a certain age might remember this song. We used to play it back in the 90s. Always went down a treat, too! For the rest of you, it's new to you...so dig it like a hole! I hope YOU like it too. If you don't...who gives a fuck. It's just a song, right?

Here goes....it's called "Once Again You Win"

23 Flavors (Hey Mikey! He Likes It!)

I've learned to loathe Mikey and that damned Life cereal commercial....

I wound up having the day off...and I'm sitting here trying to think of what to make for dinner. I'm actually craving stuff that I know I can't easily find. I could really go for a nice Cornish pasty, or a cold pork pie, or any number of delicious treats I've had in my travels...but my options in the pantry are limited. I could make some chorizo, I know I have that in the freezer.

Thinking about food has me thinking about some of the foods I've eaten, and how friends in different cultures view them. It's odd, really, when one takes into account societal viewpoints on food. Food is fuel. It serves the purpose of keeping our bodies running. It can also be delicious, fun to prepare, and made to look fancy! But...really, why do people get so bent out of shape about certain foods? Sure, the Bible says not to eat certain things, for various reasons...and I'm sure other religions have their own take on foods. To eat meat or not, vegetarian vs. vegan, gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, fat free...so many choices. And really, that's all it is. Choices. And opinions. And we all know about opinions....

Here's a list of some of the wild and wonderful foods I've had over the years,  that folks have commented about...mostly by saying things like "EWWWWWWWW" or "I could never..." I've enjoyed most of these...not all, but most.

• Kangaroo - This is the one that most people flip over. Personally, I love me some roo! I've had roo burgers, steaks, sausage, kabobs, and jerky, and it's all wonderful! You'd probably enjoy it...if you gave it a try.
• Emu - I liked it. Reminded me of ostrich, which I also enjoy. Beefy but without that blahh feeling you get from eating a large portion. 
• Crocodile - Nope. Didn't like it. Reminded me of alligator...which I don't like. Tasted nasty, had a texture I didn't enjoy, and smelled odd. 
• Alligator - See Crocodile.
• Rattlesnake - Lovely! Imagine a chicken-like texture, but with a milder flavor. Great for batter-frying. 
• Skunk - Only had it once...in a stew...and really, it wasn't bad. Gamey and a bit stringy...but tasted similar to most rodent meat. 
• Groundhog - Again, had it in a stew. A bit greasy, gamey, and stringy...but not awful 
• Squirrel - Have eaten squirrel a number of times. Really not bad. Very reminiscent of rabbit. Takes a few to fill up on. Good in stew but also good over an open fire. 
• Ostrich - If you want to enjoy a burger, this is the way to go! Tastes much like beef, but less greasy and without the blahhhh feeling afterwards. 
• Wild Boar - I am a big fan of wild boar meat! It's like pork but tastier! Can be a bit tough...but learn how to cook it right, and damn, this is good eating!
• Buffalo - My trips to Sturgis, SD can be blamed for my love of buffalo meat. From that 1st buffalo burger at a diner, in the middle of the night, to the most recent buffalo steak I've had, it's been delicious from start to finish. Imagine low fat beef. That's what it tastes like. It can be dry and tough if not cooked properly, so if its your first time making it, follow your recipe to the letter!
• Deer - While not uncommon where I live, it might be to some folks. I like deer. It can be gamey as hell, but can also be delicious. Steaks, chops, chili, you name it...its great! Deer bologna (aka trail bologna) is a treat!
• Ram - Only had it once, but damn it was good! Similar to lamb but gamier. I'd love to have it again!
• Elk - Reminds me of a cross between deer and moose...seriously. It's gamey...but its good.
• Moose - Delicious! Big hunks of dark red meat, low fat, strong flavor...this is meat lover's meat!
• Bear - Best I can describe this is kinda like a strong, sweet pork chop. I like it! Can never get it...but I like it! As long as I don't have to hunt it, skin it, or cook it.
• Shark - Shark, to me, is weird. I don't like seafood, as a rule...but shark ain't bad. I've had shark fin soup a number of times, and dammit...as much as I hate to admit it, I like it! I can't really compare the flavor to anything else. It tastes like...shark.
• Rabbit - No, it doesn't taste like chicken...at least not to me. It has a similar texture, but that's it. I cried the first time my dad tried to get me to eat. (OK, I was 7) I have since learned that a properly marinated, and well-cooked rabbit is a wonderful meal! Great for BBQ!
• Horse - Yep. Had it. Liked it. Get over it. It's a cultural thing. Most Americans freak out over the thought of eating "this majestic creature". That's stupid. It's meaty and loaded with protein. And it's tasty.
• Ox - Beef for the serious beef eater! Hell, even the tail is good! I've eaten ox tail soup, stew, and sammiches...as well as ox roast, steaks, etc. Seriously good eating! Don't skimp on the onions!
• Shellfish - Like I said, not a huge seafood fan, so I'll lump all shellfish together. I can take it or leave it. I like some shrimp in my gumbo, but some folks get weird about it. Lobster is a nice treat...once every 10 or so years. Crab...could care less. I know that shellfish isn't unusual to most people...but my family, if they read this, will be in shock that I HAVE eaten it. 
• Cactus - A surprisingly tasty plant! It's like a big chunk of lettuce. Grill off the needles. Dip it in salad dressing. Really...it's tasty!
• Ghost Peppers - Really, you don't need these. These are only for the culinary masochists out there. I LOVE hot, spicy food...but these are just ridiculous. You DON'T need to eat them. They don't add to anything...they're just painfully hot. Hot isn't even the right word. Imagine molten lava sliding down your esophagus. That's the best way I can describe them. I make an intense, concentrated habanero sauce that is all the heat & spice I will ever need to add to a dish. 1 spoonful in a pot of chili or gumbo is usually more than most of my friends are comfortable with. Ghost peppers...just insane. Again, you DO NOT need to ever eat these. Remember, at some point they WILL be coming out the other end. See how funny you think it is then. NOTE: whenever handling hot peppers, if possible, wear gloves. I once made the mistake of NOT wearing gloves. Hours later, and after numerous hand washings, I scratched a very private part of my anatomy...the searing pain from the residual capsaicin left me in agony for hours...even after a few healthy scrubbings!  

Writing this reminded me of an ex girlfriend...who was not an adventurous eater. I used to terrorize her by answering her question, "What's for dinner?" with "Roast beast".  She eventually stopped eating my cooking. Her loss. 

The Spider and The Stinkbug

Halyomorpha halys, also known as the brown marmorated stink bug (BMSB), or simply the stink bug, is an insect in the family Pentatomidae, and it is native to China, Korea, Japan and Taiwan. It was accidentally introduced into the United States, with the first specimen being collected in September 1998. They are, simply put, nasty.

Halyomorpha halys, aka, The Stinkbug

How nasty are they? So nasty that even spiders won't eat them.

We, in the Greater Pittsburgh Area, have been dealing with these nasty, odorous little pests for a few years now. Here at our house, we haven't had much of a problem with them. Every so often, we'll catch a few in our trap...or find one behind a curtain (sneaky little bastards) and pop it, live, into the trap, where it lives out a fiendish, real-life horror show of being surrounded by the corpses of other halyomorpha halys that have ended up there. I, sometimes, imagine what is going on in the stink bug's mind. "Holy Hell! Get me OUTTA HERE!", I imagine it thinking. Is the stinkbug mind capable of such thoughts, or it's imperative only to escape and terrorize it's new found homeland another day?

I, personally, have nothing against stinkbugs, I just don't want to share my house with them.

The cat won't play with them. I seem to recall her swatting one once, and trying to eat it, and then immediately horking it back out. Apparently, they taste as bad as they can smell.

Today, the young'un noticed a spider web in the kitchen window. This, in itself, is neither unusual, nor something we would normally concern ourselves with. Spiders are OK in our book. In some cultures, it's considered good luck to find a spider in your home. They also keep my sister* from visiting. They can be useful as they eat other bugs, like flies...as will our cat (because, let's face it, cats are weird). However, as the young'un noticed, the common house spider does not like stink bugs either.

As I stated, the young'un was in the kitchen, getting a cup of coffee, when she noticed the spider web. She brought this to my attention because, as she put it, the spider was destroying its own web to get rid of the stink bug.

The window, in question, was half open, as it usually is this time of year. This gave the spider a comfortable bit of space to make it's web. Being between 2 sliding windows, this gives the spider a nice, sunny place to reside, and is also a good place to catch any fly attempting to bang itself silly against what I imagine spiders to perceive as the great invisible forcefield.

Apparently, the spider has dealt with stink bug infestation a few times, as when we looked, there were 3 other dead stinkbugs lying amidst torn webbing on the sash.  None of them appear to have been eaten, in any way, shape, or form, by the spider. Apparently, American spiders find these petite beasts as repulsive as their human counterparts do.



* This is a joke. My family all know they are welcome any time, provided I am given enough advance notice to come up with a plausible excuse. 

Happy Father's Day

I see so many of my friends excited about Father's Day. They tell amazing stories about their dad and happy family life growing up. That's all a mystery to me.

Don't get me wrong. I love my dad. He's a great man. However, as I've always said, our family put the funk in dysfunctional. We just do NOT, as a general rule, get along. You can put two of us in the same room, and we'll get on fine. Any more than that...look out.

I'm sure dad wanted to be there for us. The reality of it, he was too busy working 16+ hour days, 6-7 days a week, saving lives. Dad was a cardiologist...and the only one in the area. Generations of big-eating steel worker families gave dad more work than he could handle!

This left dad a grumpy, exhausted mess most of the time. I often joke that dad was the grumpy SOB I'd see every other Sunday. As a kid, I didn't understand all of this. He could seem distant. Reality was, he was exhausted and seriously overworked. By age 5, I knew I wanted nothing to do with being a doctor. People would ask if I wanted to be a doctor, like dad, when I grew up, and my answer was always the same. "Hell no!" For years I wanted to be an actor...that is until I had a taste of what making movies was like. Screw that! Too much standing around while the tech crews, camera crews, etc., did all the real work. Music completely took over my life...and that's still where I am.

Dad did do a helluva job though. I can't speak for my siblings, but he taught me a lot, whether he knows it or not. He taught me the value of hard work. If you want something, work for it. You'll enjoy it a lot more. He taught me not to suffer fools. He taught me how to read people. He taught me to play my cards close to the chest. He, many times, tried to pass on his love of wood work. I'm sure he realized early on that handing me a sharp object was not his smartest move. I am, and many will back me up on this, the least mechanically inclined human on the planet. An ex girlfriend saw me with a screwdriver once and fell out laughing. When she realized I was planning to "fix" a light socket in her bathroom, she made me put the screwdriver away!

My dad and I are a lot alike. The bad part is, for the first 30 years, all we saw in each other was the parts of ourselves that we didn't like. Tough to base a relationship on that. We're both stubborn, intelligent, and short-tempered krauts. We get along pretty well any more...but we can still push each other's buttons like no one else.

Dad has always been a hobby musician too. Unfortunately, he loves bluegrass. He's all about the banjo, and dulcimer, and hammered dulcimer, etc. While I can enjoy playing bluegrass, listening to it for more than 10 minutes, to me, can be classified as cruel and unusual punishment. While a teen, I mostly listened to punk and blues. Dad was listening to Appalachian music and loads of other, equally obscure, stuff. One day he'd be listening to bagpipes, the next some gal wailing in Gaelic and stomping her feet. And he thought the punk bands were awful! I'd try to find common ground for us...I figured he'd dig Neil Young. Nope. Wrong. Guess again. I remember showing Dad a Neil Young concert on TV one night. His reply? "If that guy can make a living in music, you're a shoe in!" Dad felt pretty much the same about The Talking Heads. He would, however, show interest when he'd hear some of the garage tapes my friends and I would make. I tended to be a bit experimental back then. Lots of effects (they hide a multitude of sins)...I could make my guitar sound like a cello. Dad dug that.

Dad always taught me to have something to fall back on...in case music didn't pan out. Oddly enough, music has been what I've always fallen back on! I worked in the mental health field for 25 years, and whenever I need to supplement my income, it was music that made it happen. Music took me around the world. Music paid off a lot of my bills. Now that I'm no longer in the mental health field, music - and writing about music - is what is keeping me afloat. Dad had the right idea...just the wrong way round.

None of my siblings are close with our dad. Like I said, we don't get along well. One thing I wish dad would've taught the whole family was to just get the fuck over things. I can get mad as hell...but 5 minutes later, I'm usually over it. My family tends to hold grudges. I dislike that. These grudges have kept our family broken for years. I've been working behind the scenes, trying to fix it...but damn, I'm not a miracle worker.  I think it's safe to say, though, that we all do love each other...and do love our dad.

So, that said, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to our dad, your dad, and all of the dads out there. I've been a surrogate father to many. I was privileged to be that. Being a parent isn't easy. Too many people think its about being your kid's best friend. Wrong. It's about teaching them to be good people. It's a helluva lot harder than trying to befriend a tiny person who doesn't know much. Its a parent's job to teach kids right from wrong. Good from bad. Gotta teach them how the world works. Its not about appearing 'cool' in your kid's eyes. They'll understand how cool you are later on in life. When it counts.

This is a photo of my dad, sister, and I...taken after I played at a music festival. It took me 20 years to get these two in the same place at the same time! Next step: getting all four kids AND dad in the same place at the same time. Wish me luck!

Give us money or you're going to Hell!

Want to know why so many people have issues with Christianity? It's not so much the whole concept (let's face it, all religions have some hard-to-fathom origins) but the whole corporate mentality of contemporary Christianity. Let's be honest; it turns people off. I mean really...you don't see Jews, Buddhists, or Muslims on TV begging for money.

Mind you, I'd probably enjoy watching that. I can just imagine an old, Orthodox rabbi, explaining philosophy and giving good reasons to send him money. But you never see that.

I can imagine the Dalai Lama hosting a talk show, and interspersing it with pleasant, humorous, requests for donations.

I can imagine a Muslim cleric who...no, I can't. I could've written a great idea here...but it would just be too over-the-top.

No, it's the so-called Christians, mostly American Christians, who have ruined it for everyone. Ever since folks like S. Parks Cadman and Aimee Semple McPherson took to the radio waves and started preaching, the corporate mindset kicked in and saw PROFIT rather than PROPHET. McPherson started one of the first megachurches. This whole concept is pretty much un-Christian. But, it's the American way. Do it bigger and better (different perhaps, never better)...and make as much as you can. And...it's wrong.

Even as a kid, I'd see televangelists on TV and feel repelled by them. I knew even then that what they were doing was wrong...but so many people fall for it. All you have to do is claim to be God's messenger, and someone is going to listen to you. As an ordained minister, who also spent 25 years working in the mental health field, when someone tells me that God spoke to them, my first question is "Did you take your meds?"

While perusing Facebook today, a friend posted something humorous about Jack Van Impe. Mind you, I think that man and his lizard-like wife are just evil. They use fear tactics to swindle people out of money. It's little more than religious extortion. "Give us money or you're going to Hell!" Van Impe (or as I call him, Ren Van Stimpy) is typical of America's right wing extremist theocratic bullshit. He takes scripture and twists it to fit his own desires.

Allow me to say, from experience, real faith and real Christianity are good things. Christianity is about love and doing good. It's not about putting other people down, calling them names, and generally being a dickhead. If you're watching the news, or reading an article about so-called Christians espousing messages of hate...remember, those people are NOT Christians. Don't confuse the real deal with con artists.

As a Christian, I'd like others to be able to share in my faith...but guess what...I'm a big boy. I know that not everyone will. I'm OK with that. Just try to be nice to people. Help others when you can. And guess what...you don't have to send me a donation. I've never asked for one. Probably never will. If someone is asking you for money, ask yourself why. Then donate the money they ask for to a real charity.

“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

The Graduate

You have all, apparently, gone completely insane.

If I have to hear about one more child "graduating" kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th,10th, or 11th grade, I will go ballistic. Seriously, these are not milestone events. Sounds to me like a scam being run by the cap & gown industry. Think about it!

The American education system is bad enough...but to delude one's self into believing that it's a great accomplishment to learn that 2 + 2 does indeed = 4, and do so without eating too much paste, fighting with the other kids over who's turn it is to nap, and sneak in those prayers whenever there's a math test, is just ridiculous. For Pete's sake! They don't even teach cursive writing anymore! Kids do NOT deserve a trophy just for showing up! This is one of the many things destroying our so-called culture. Why should a kid try to achieve anything when everything they do is celebrated? It takes the concept of achievement and flushes it right down the toilet.

Give the kids something to strive for! Push them! Test their abilities! Teach them to ask questions about everything! Let them LEARN! Part of learning is experiencing defeat/failure. It's how we learn from our mistakes. Kids also need to be taught perseverance. They need to learn that sometimes you have to work long and hard on something. Don't just pat them on the head and celebrate their every bowel movement!

Graduating from high school IS something to celebrate. It means that your kid has survived the K-12 system. They have, hopefully, learned something. They will hopefully transition into fully-functioning, well-adjusted, successful adults. If our institutes of higher learning were less concerned with making a buck and more concerned with educating, I'd hope for every kid to go to college. But as it is now, I wouldn't wish that level of debt on anyone, let alone a kid. They have access to every bit of known information, via the internet. Colleges and universities could, feasibly, become a thing of the past. With more kids being home-schooled, public schools, as we know them, could go away as well! And that would be a shame. School is where a lot of kids learn to function in society.

I think back to my own high school graduation. I didn't even want to go to the ceremony. I just wanted to put those four years behind me. I hated school. Even having been expelled for a semester, I still graduated top third of my class, with honors. "With Honors"...what a joke! I saw my books at the beginning of the semester and again at the end, when I turned them back in. Yes, I have a high IQ. I tend to learn quickly. I was bored beyond belief in school. The schools never did anything to even try to keep me engaged and feeling challenged. The US education system teaches kids how to cheat. The kids learn that getting a good grade is what is expected of them. Instead, they should be taught that learning is what is expected. Personally, I like the concept of proficiency exams rather than grades. Instead, we celebrate every minor step in what will hopefully be a long and beautiful life. We might as well celebrate our birthdays every day. Mind you...I do like cake!

"Hey look! I graduated Monday! Bring on Tuesday!"

Does that make sense? No! Neither does the other crap.

I swear...at this rate, we'll all be wearing helmets before long.

To all of the teachers/educators out there (many who are my friends): Keep up the good work! Yours is an uphill battle! But...you are needed now, more than ever!