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Dear Jack White....STFU

Jack White...ever heard of The Flat Duo Jets? Your career started off ripping them off. Now you accuse The Black Keys of ripping YOU off? Really? Shut the front door!




I first heard about you a dozen or so years ago. I thought you sucked then. I still do. At that time, Danny Auerbach opened for me a number of times. He was a great kid, and a great picker and singer. He was trying to do more rockabilly-ish stuff at the time...but blues was what he was best at. And how! I still have a bunch of home-made CDs he gave me at the time. I also remember him telling me about the little side project he was starting with a drummer. It sounded interesting. A lot more interesting than anything The White Stripes ever did.

There's nothing new under the sun kid. Hasil Adkins was doing guitar/drum stuff in the 50s, as were cats like Dr. Ross. Like I said, nothing new.





The best, most soul-shaking music I have ever heard was a guitar/drum duo...street musicians...playing in a park in Memphis. Just two fat, old, black guys, playing their hearts out...and doing it better than anyone I had heard...or have heard since.

Jack White, you ruin everything you touch. I remember how excited Wanda Jackson was to work with you. The finished product sucked. I mean it SUCKED! I tried to like it...because I dig Wanda. But damn son, you just ruined it! It was like you tried to ruin it!

OK, maybe you're an ideas man. If that's the case...please...take some time away from music and work on those ideas. You should have enough money to do so. If not...go get a real job. Ground yourself. You're not important. You never have been and probably never will be.

The Black Keys have reached an amazing level of success. Their music is everywhere! You can't get away from it! While it irritates me a bit, I am proud of Danny and Patrick for their success...a success you have, and probably never will reach. Will they be able to sustain this success? Probably not. Most bands can't. Its the nature of the business. But I'm sure they've managed to squirrel away a retirement fund...so they're good.

Jack White...shut up and go away. Please. OK, you apologized for your Rolling Stone rant. Good boy. Now please...just go away until you have something to say of musical worth. Anyone can record and release mediocre music. It doesn't make you any more special than anyone else. If you really are the genius you seem to believe yourself to be, put up or shut up. OK?

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