"Ya think you're better than me, punk?!"

We're all special. Mr. Rogers said so. But, in as much as we're all special, doesn't that diminish the specialness of being special?

Most of us are bullies and probably don't even realize it. Worse, most of us will probably argue that we're not because we are so certain that our beliefs are important and true.

Sure, you're passionate about your beliefs...but at what point does that passion become aggression?

Say, for example, you're a vegan. You hate going to your local grocery store because they sell meat and meat byproducts. You've explained to your friends and loved ones (and many strangers too) how bad meat is for you, how cruel the slaughter of animals is, and blah blah blah. You really must be tired and exhausted from all of that preaching. You've exchanged some words with the lady, making just slightly more than minimum wage, who works at the meat counter. She's probably had a rough day, you know, killing all of those cute cows and chickens, dismembering them, and forcing them on the uneducated masses. The words exchanged have become a bit heated. Who was really in the wrong? Would it be the lady at the meat counter? Perhaps the butcher, or the farmer who raised these critters, or maybe the faceless corporation behind it all? Guess again.

By attempting to force their beliefs on someone else, the vegan was being a bully. Now I'm not saying that veganism is bad. If you can do it, more power to you! I've personally been a vegetarian at points in my life...and I never lost the desire to eat meat. It's just not who I am. And I certainly never told anyone they should give up meat. I would never believe I have that right.

Perhaps you believe in and follow a certain faith. You may have been told, by someone that you hold as an authority figure, that you should try to actively convert others to your faith. Mind you, no one ever told you HOW to do it. You are 100% sure that your set of beliefs is THE one. So then why don't others see it? You've talked to them, even argued with them...yet they still turn away from your faith. Why? Because YOU are the problem. You are being a bully.

This falls true with every thing that you are. While Mr. Rogers thinks you're special (and you are!), so is every one else. When you try to convince someone else that your way is the right way, you are, in essence and actuality, insulting that person. You read that correctly. You are aggressively insulting them. You are being a bully.

Democrat, Republican, Straight, Gay, Left, Right, Liberal, Conservative, Christian, Jew, Muslim, or Buddhist, if you tell someone that they are wrong, you are being a bully. It's a bitter pill to swallow, I know. I'm as guilty as anyone...but I'm trying to change.

Who are any of us to feel that our truth and set of beliefs is, ultimately, better than someone else's? What makes us think that way? In the long run, how does this way of thinking benefit the greater good?

If someone does, however seemingly innocently or aggressively, attempt to force their beliefs on you, how should you react? I would guess that one would initially react with a level of incredulity. Then what? Someone has just, intentionally or possibly unintentionally insulted your intelligence and possibly your own set of beliefs...how do you take that?

Be honest with the person. Tell them, politely, that you do not appreciate being insulted in such a fashion. Tell them that you appreciate that they have their opinions, as do you. If the person is willing, engage in a polite, adult discussion about the overlapping areas of your beliefs (there's bound to be many more than you realize). Whatever you do, do not react with aggression. That only makes matters worse.

This doesn't just apply to physical interpersonal encounters. This applies to all encounters with your fellow humans...even on the interweb. Most of us are lucky enough to have found friends in the real world and some lucky enough to find them online. We're attracted to each other through some common ground. But just because we have certain things in common doesn't mean that we will have everything in common.

Remember, to imply that your beliefs/opinions are better, or more true, than someone else's, is an act of aggression. Learn to stop the aggression before it starts. Remember, most of all, that the lady at the meat counter not only has the ability to call for security, she probably also has access to a meat cleaver. We're all just one bad day away from disaster. Think before you speak...or act...or post.

Trust Must Be Earned...Here's Why

I read a great quote this evening and I'd like to share it with everyone. Hopefully you'll all take the time to remember it and pass it on, especially to the younger generations. It goes like this:

"There's always someone willing to die and take you with them."

I've buried a lot of friends over the years. Some died from diseases like cancer. Some died from AIDS. Some OD'ed. Some were murdered. The one thing that they all had in common was that they trusted someone...perhaps more than that person had earned.

While not so much an issue to someone with an illness like cancer, it's definitely a concern regarding HIV/AIDS.  Two people meet, they feel that intense attraction, and common sense flies out the window. Use some protection! Unless you and your partner are tested prior to each sex act, you really don't know what, if any, diseases that person may or may not have. It's sexual Russian Roulette, and just not worth it.

I know a lot of people who party. I did my fair share in my younger days. Ask yourself, how well do you know the person you're getting it from...and how well do they really know what they're giving/selling you? I've known folks who, for wont of a night of partying, died way too young. Maybe you just smoke pot...but don't worry, that can be tainted too. It's not unusual to add chemicals to intensify the high. If you buy coke or meth, chances are it's been stomped on...and you rarely will ever know what with. Pills...unless you're a chemist or pharmacist, chances are you don't know exactly what it is. So why put this stuff in your body IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS OR WHERE IT CAME FROM????

I've run with some bad motherfuckers in my life. That doesn't make me cool. Through some of these associations, I've had guns and knives pulled on me. I've found myself, on a number of occasions, preparing to meet my maker. As a younger man, I thought I knew these people and who they were and what they were/weren't capable of. In retrospect, there were a number of times I was clueless. I'm man enough to admit it and lucky to still be alive. 

I've learned, in my 47 years on this planet, that this much is true: Trust and Respect must be earned. And here's the most important part of this lesson: they're both difficult to earn and rightly so. Just because someone tells you that you can trust them, or that they respect you, doesn't make it so. I've learned another big truth: Actions DO speak louder than words.

A person may not be who you want them to be. They may not be who you think they are. They may not be what you suspect them to be. If you aren't 100% sure, then you don't really know. Remember, that person may be willing to die and may be just as willing to take you with them.

Be smart enough to live to be stupid another day.

Don't Be An Askhole

Askhole - A person who repeatedly asks for advice from multiple individuals, only to ignore aforementioned advice completely. The askhole will choose the least logical option (usually their own), skipping merrily down the path into unbridled oblivion, blissfully and willingly oblivious throughout the entire ordeal. (courtesy of UrbanDictionay.com)

Just a thought on advice: If you're going to ask someones advice, ask a person who is likely to suggest against what you want to hear.

Why? Simple.

Asking advice in order to hear what you want to hear is self-serving. It means that you already know what you want to hear...but just want to hear it from someone else. That relieves you of some of the responsibility, should things go wrong.

When you ask the advice of someone likely to suggest against what you want to hear, you are likely to find yourself arguing FOR the points you want to hear, and you will learn to trust your own judgement and opinions, rather than relying on those of others. This is called being a grownup.

Don't be an Askhole.