Everybody Wanna Know Why I Sing The Blues!

The title of this blog is an old BB King song...absoultely BAD ASS stuff!

OK, I'm writing this for 2 reasons: 1) I find it extremely cathartic 2) People often come to me with their problems. Everyone thinks that they're the only ones to have a rough time...and I feel for them. That said, I too have known some extremely rough times. Its called "life". You can live it and enjoy it or you can wallow in your own self-perpetuating misery.

Here is a list of some of the "highlights" of my own dysfunctional life:

*1st suicide attempt @ age 4
*sickly childhood
*numerous episodes of family violence
*haven't been painfree since age 8 (rheumatoid arthritis)
*parents split at age 12
*found mom dead at age 13
*started smoking at 13
*started drugs at 14
*started drinking regularly at 15
*arrested at 15 for carrying a concealed weapon
*expelled from school
*3 years of court ordered psych treatment 15-18
*many bad relationships starting at age 19
*in/out of college from 1984-87
*dated a number of rape/incest/molestation survivors
*gf tried to kill me at age 20
*had to sign papers to commit gf to psych hosptial at age 25
*married at 27, divorced at 28
*numerous street fights age 15-28
*gf who I was trying to split from raped by a neighbor, I felt I couldn't leave her at that time, so I gave up the next 3 years of my life to look after her
*long periods of depression and self-loathing from age 5-40
*numerous suicide attempts age 4-39
*spinal problems started in late 20s
*cancer at age 34
* ex wife killed during 9/11 attack on NYC
*coma at age 36
*psych hospitalization at age 38
*self-detoxed from drugs age 38
*have watched too many friends and lovers die (more than 30 to date)
*heart attack at age 41
*arrested for assault age 41
*Began to change my life for the better
*quit drinking age 43

I am now 44 years old and loving life!!!!!!! Yes, I'm sure that your problems seem insurmountable at times...but they're not. Do not rationalize them nor make excuses. If you know you have a problem, or even think you have a problem, seek help! Talk to a friend, a therapist, a councelor, a member of the clergy, scream at the walls, go for a walk, run like hell, do whatever you need to...just do something!

Self-medicating is NOT the answer! If someone tells you it is, run like hell from that person...they're NOT helping you. They're only helping you to an earlier grave.

I'm lucky. I have a large number of people who, for whatever reasons, love and care about me. I'm also extremely lucky to have a career that I'm passionate about and have hobbies that I'm also passionate about. Without all of the above, I can guarantee you, I wouldn't be the happy man that I am, nor would I be likely to still be alive.

I will help you...regardless of who you are. My faith dictates that that is something I must do. That said, I believe that its better to keep you from falling than to help you up. If you dive headfirst into a shallow pond, KNOWING that its a shallow pond, you won't get much sympathy from me. I'll help you tend to your wounds but I will also remind you that you knew better in the 1st place. Call it tough love, Mikey-style.

I hope that reading this has given you the ability to look at yourself and realize that you CAN be happy...no matter what...IF you really want to be.

Point of View of a Proud American

I'm proud to be an American. I love my country and at different points in my life have had to prove that love and pride. No, not as an armed member of the military but as just a man, and I had to use my wits and a few times, my fists. I've been singled out in other countries, whether it be in a bar, waiting for a train, or standing in the checkout line buying groceries; I am an American!

I've listened patiently while people in these other countries take their hatred of the USA out on me. I then respond either with carefully thought out words or perhaps a single finger gesture (hey, I have bad days too!). America is #1...to us. It seems all countries have their nationalistic tendencies and none are waving banners that read "WE'RE #2!"

Why do they hate us? Basicially, its not a jealousy issue. Its basically because we're a nation of crybabies...and no one likes a crybaby. Look at the latest mess: we somehow managed to pass some watered down version of health care reform. Sure, its a start...but why do I get the feeling that the insurance companies were behind it all? I hear that insurance company stocks rose sharply yesterday (3/22/10). Hmmmmmm.

Rather than celebrate a victory or admit a defeat, we are all still crying about it. Some of us are thinking "we didn't get our way" and others are thinking "we didn't get enough of our way" while more still are just parroting slogans they've heard on TV or read somewhere. In short, we're all still whining...and really, who likes that?

Sure, the whole mess will get dragged to the Supreme Court...at which point, it will no longer matter. Our country's reputation as a mass of greedy, arrogant assholes will be further cemented in the eyes of the world. But who cares what they think, right? We saved their asses in WW2 didn't we? We bailed them out didn't we? Obviously, we've forgotten that like it or not, we're all on this planet together. What we do effects others and vice versa.

The world used to look up to the US. Now the world looks down on the US. And yet I am proud to be an American. I love my country.

Don't celebrate this as a victory just yet folks. We're still on the fast track to becoming a 3rd World Nation. We have little to bring to the table anymore. We don't manufacture anything...aside from bad media and hate. We hate ourselves so much and place such a high value on greed and possessions that we've lost sight of what's right & wrong. We have lost the respect of the world and we have lost our own self-respect. We deride each other over differences of beliefs. Sure, that's our right...but is it right? United we stand, divided we fall.
We now worry that we may have to pay more in taxes to fund this health care refrom. I, personally, would rather pay a small amount out of pocket over time than to get hit with a $100k hospital bill (which I have before). We like to think that we're a healthy country...but we're not. We're obese. We drink too much. We eat crappy processed food...and lots of it. We think that because we've grown fat as a nation, that we're doing well. We're not. Yet I'm proud to be an American. I love my big fat country.

America: the land of the free. Free to hate each other. Free to kill ourselves with fat-laden, carcinogenic fast food. Free to drink ourselves into oblivion. Free to fix the problems we face and Free to ignore the problems. Free to spew lies posed as truths.

I have a few questions and maybe YOU dear reader can answer them:

• When did we learn to hate each other so much that we value only our own individual beliefs?
• When did we stop caring about each other?
• When did the almighty buck become our raison d'etre?
• When did we stop being America?

I am proud to be an American. I love my country. I always have and I always will. I just wish it was a better place for all of us.

STILL Sober! (2 months, 9 days and counting...) :-)

Yes folks. I'm still sober. A lot of people seem to forget this. I haven't. While it was relatively easy to give up booze for me, I'd like to take a minute to explain just why I did it.

Do I think I'm an alcoholic? In short, no. That said, problems were starting to arise. I attribute some of them to just getting older but some may be rooted a bit deeper. My cousin nearly drank himself to death not long after my heart attack. That scared me.

Basically, I just no longer saw the use of drinking. I no longer enjoy the company of drunks. (snobby SOB ain't I? lol) Hear me out, I can't nor will I ever condemn anyone for having a drink...Lord knows I drank enough! LOL But after 30 years in the music biz, 30 years of playing in bars, nightclubs, afterhours joints, etc...I grew tired of it. I've never 'craved' alcohol. I've never felt dependent upon it. Sure, I had my pre-show ritual (2 beers) for years...but I've done quite a few shows stone cold sober too. In fact, my playing is BETTER when I'm sober...as long as the band is tight and the crowd is loose!

What does bother me is how everyone seems to equate me with beer/booze. I'm guessing that means that they are fondly equating me with 'good times'. Well folks, the best I can tell you is I'm still fun. I'm still me. I just no longer drink alcohol. Don't be afraid to drink around me...just please don't offer me a drink. If you ask me "why" I quit, I'll tell you...but it probably won't be the most fun bar room conversation you'll ever have! LOL

I quit for my own reasons and I'm happily sober. I don't have to worry about hangovers, DUIs, or wondering where all that money went! I've not joined AA...just not for me. I think AA/NA are wonderful for those who can benefit from them. Like I said, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm just a former drunk. And I plan to keep it that way!

Lastly, I'd like to thank someone for giving me the courage to quit. As she's a modest kinda gal, I'll just call her Miss Rule62. She knows who she is. I only wish that she could see herself through my eyes just once. I think she's an incredibly talented, intelligent, strong, kind, caring soul. She's even funny...but she told me once not to tell her that as she might believe it! LOL So, to Miss Rule62...Thank You! :-)

DON'T BE STUPID!: An Open Letter To The Younger Generations

I was conversing with a friend of 20 or so years this eve & she I both commented on how difficult its becoming to have a serious talk with people in their 20s (or younger). If I've learned nothing else in my nearly 44 years on this chunk O dirt, I've learned to listen to my elders and their experiences and to bare them in mind when making my own decisions. I've learned to temper my impulses with some good old fashioned common sense. I attribute much of the success that I've enjoyed to the words of those who came before me. I listened to every word. Sure, I often went my own way but not without remembering the words of my elders. I've also learned that many of my failures could have been averted had I followed the advice of these same elders.

So, to all the 20-somethings out there who think they know it all, know what they're doing and have it all planned and figured out...GOOD FOR YOU! I hope that your vast knowledge lasts your entire life and that all the big plans you have come to fruition. Those of us who are older know better. We know that life throws curve balls and that you have to work hard for all the truly good things in life. There are no real short cuts. Learn to be happy with who you are and the things you have in life. Learn to plan ahead. Most importantly, keep on LEARNING.

My mind has been on your generation all week. A good friend, who is in her 20s, is planning to have her face chopped up by a plastic surgeon. She claims to be happy and well adjusted. Just so you know, she's a very attractive young lady. She has a very pretty face, nice body, good smile, no scars, blemishes, etc...but for some reason she feels that she "needs" to have her face altered. As her surgeon of choice put it, she doesn't need much "work". In short, she doesn't need any work...at least not on the outside. Her surgeon, I feel, should have his license revoked for even considering doing any work on her. Sure, I hear ya...it's HER decision...but what happens if something goes wrong? An infection, a surgical accident, etc...or more likely, what happens as she gets older and realizes it was all a mistake. Will she be comforted by the knowledge that it was her choice?

No, I think she needs to spend more time working on who she is inside. I've known her for years and the main reason that we're friends is that she has always been surprisingly mature and wise for her years. This decision of hers to have her face chopped up just truly disturbs me. Is this generation of hers so insecure that they feel that they have to meet some unattainable standard set forth by the media? Is this the 21st century version of 'keeping up with the Joneses'?

Obviously, she's making enough money to be able to afford to pay a private surgeon. She claims to love her job. So why this "need" of hers to alter her looks and risk the potential harm of (any) surgery? She claims that my questioning her motives has upset her...to which I will not apologize. Sometimes a friend has to say things you don't want to hear...but thats one of the things that a real friend is for. Will a new face really make her happy? Those of us of a certain age know better. Sure...if she was disfigured and plastic surgery could give her a more normal life...but that isn't the case. As I stated before, she's very attractive. I know many women who would kill for her looks. Her reasoning is because she "needs" to do this and it will make her happier...I'm sorry, I just think that's fucked up.

My friend is living the good life. Good job with good pay, a nice apartment in a vibrant, exciting city. She is asked on many dates but doesn't have one special guy...but at her age, she should just enjoy it. I think she's too young to seriously consider marriage. Time she has. I pray that her future time isn't spent regretting an impulsive mistake. If she was my daughter, I'd have the same worries. She's a good gal...but this "choice" to chop her face up just boggles my mind.

But she's a grown woman...in her mid 20s, well educated...more than capable of making her own decisions. The only thing she's lacking is, unfortunately, the most important: experience. In many of the things she does, it seems like she's trying to rush rush rush. I fear that our highly-evolved, technologically advanced society has created a generation of people who are overly impulsive...incapable of waiting & thinking things through. It's become a disposable, fast-food world. The only problem is that people aren't disposable. My biggest worry for her is...what if this doesn't bring her the happiness she thinks it will? What then? Another surgery? At what point does a person realize that only they themselves are capable of creating their own happiness? I pray for her. I pray that she snaps out of this before the doctor's first cut.

So, to you younger folks out there...let this be a lesson. Everything that you do, no matter how small it may seem to you, does indeed effect other people. There are people out there who care about you and only want true happiness for you. That happiness does not come in the form of a bottle, a pill, a nose-job, chin-lift, tummy tuck, tattoo, piercing, etc. In short...don't be stupid. Your elders, of which I am one, love and care about you.