Tis The Season

I'm not very good at holidays...never have been. I always become extremely introspective and melancholy. However, I do tend to sweep that mess under my karmic carpet and at least make an attempt to make the holidays special for those I care about.

This year is no different. Sure, I'm still broke (thanks in no small part to the ongoing legal battle) but I've found that money doesn't necessarily buy the best gifts. (don't worry...if you're on my gift list, you're still getting a present! HAHA)

But the past few days, I've been giving thought to the things that are truly precious. Just the other night, my neighbor's house burned down. While there is no good time for that to happen, I think that the holidays has got to be the worst time for such a tragedy. My heart just goes out to them. Everyday as I pass the burnt out shell of a house, I think of all the times I saw this family in and around their home. Their noisy little yip yip dog would bark at me and everyone/everything else that passed the house. It was a houseful of life. Now it just sits there, staring at the world through blind eyes...the yellow tape around the perimeter keeping out the uninvited. I see the scorch marks on the brickwork. I see the shattered, boarded up windows. It's a darkness that eludes even the sunshine of winter.

Seeing this has made me question things in my own life. Have I failed in some aspects? Has my damnable pride kept me from realizing my own potential and my potential for helping others? Has my innate need to go my own way cost me a "normal" life? I think of that poor family that lost their home but still have each other and I have to ask myself, what do I really have?

While many of my questions are still without answers, I have reminded myself of this: I have much. I have many friends. I have people who love me, in spite of my being me, and most importantly, I have tomorrow.

Take a moment and look at your own life. Think of all of the things that you really do have. So many of us are truly blessed. Sure, we are all imperfect and live imperfect lives...but that is what differentiates the good times from the bad. Absolute bliss would be a bore.

To those I love and to those I will one day come to know and love, I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Have A Good One Regardless! If you're reading this, you're alive. There's time to shorten your chain Ebenezer!