The Old Car

Imagine you drive an old car (for some of us, this is a reality). It's the only car you've ever driven or ever owned. In fact, it was your parents' car! It's really the only car you've ever really known.
You've taken good care of the car, for the most part. You've maintained it well. Regular oil changes, kept the tires rotated, everything kept in perfect running order. But at one point, you'd become a bit too comfortable with the car. You decided to spend a little less time on maintenance and decided to put in a new sound system. You found a nice, brand-spanketty new sound system, some great speakers, the whole works. The car is still running good and now you can sit comfortably behind the wheel, listening to your favorite tunes while cruising down the road.

Further on in the car's lifetime, you let things slide a bit. You're not taking as much care of the car as you probably should. Some other folks have shown an interest and you get to thinking that maybe it might be time. Maybe they can fix it up. Then something bad happens. A car crashes into a car in your neighborhood. While it didn't really effect you personally, it shook you up. You thought to yourself, "WOW! That could've been MY car!". At this point, you decide yours is the ultimate car! In your opinion, it's the greatest car on earth and you want to drive it forever!

You start pouring money into fixing up the old car. New tires, flashy new rims, a new paint job, new chrome, a spoiler, tinted windows...the whole works! But the car is getting old. The undercarriage is rusting out. The frame will probably need to be welded in a few spots. The transmission feels like it could be slipping a bit. The valves are noisy as hell. It's leaking oil, brake fluid, steering fluid and Lord knows what else. The people who had shown interest in it only a few years ago, now don't seem too interested.

But you love this car. It's the only car you've ever known...but now it's acting up. It's making all sorts of awful noises. It sputters. It doesn't always start when you want it to. You're afraid to have it inspected because you know deep down inside that it won't pass. You worry that it may cost a lot of money to get it back in perfect shape. You need your car to get around but you know that it really isn't safe. It's a danger to you and to others on the road. What do you do?

Yes. You could just scrap it and get a new car. That's what most people would do, right? But your car is now a classic! You don't want a new car! You want YOUR car! The car that has always been there for you. The car that has taken you every where in your life. What to do? What to do?

If the car really means something to you, you'll take the time and energy to fix it up. Who says you can't? It's a matter of mechanics, right? Maybe you don't have the money to spend on having a professional fix it up...but you're smart. You're handy. YOU CAN DO THIS! Right? You can make this car perfect again! It will take some work. You will need some help. You'll ask your friends. You'll look around for the best deals on parts. You'll use the best tools that you can. In time, that old car can be as good as new again! You'll be so proud, you'll want to show it off! You'll keep it washed and waxed and maybe even enter it in a few classic car competitions! Heck, you could probably even win!

So how is taking care of America any different? Just something to think about....

-MM

Drummers Go BOOM!!!!!

Drummers. The bane of my existence. There is probably no class of humans that I would rather drink with. Drummers are, by nature, fun people. They beat on things. It's what they do. They can be a hoot! They can also be a royal pain in my ass! LOL Robert Fripp once pointed out that drummers are sonic nightmares. Their cymbals hog up all of the high end that guitarists should be using and all of the low end that bassists should be using. Alas, for most modern music, drummers have become a necessity...especially for rock and roll. They set the beat and keep the time, in short, they keep us musicians from going all over the place...they keep a steady beat and prevent mass chaos. Sometimes, they cause the chaos...but that's usually offstage. LOL In my decades of performing and recording, I've had the pleasure of working with many great drummers. I've been REALLY lucky in that aspect. I'm lucky to call most of them "friend" too. They're a great bunch, really. Just never expect a drummer to be on time. It's not in their nature. They can keep time...but just can't be on time. LOL So, I thought that for once, I would attempt to compile a list of my fave drummers to work with. These guys have all made making music much more fun for me! So guys, in advance, THANK YOU! I'm not really going in any particular order...kinda like my set lists...or lack thereof.

Brian Francis. Seriously, I don't think I have ever met a drummer better suited to playing MY music. Brian saved our butts on our 1st tour of Australia (and the 2nd!). He did 2 one hour "rehearsals" (which essentially meant drinking, eating pizza and talking about music) and then we hit the road to Narooma to play two nights in front of about 8000 people per night. For the most part, he was flawless! OK, he did forget one song the 1st night...and I had to rewrite it ONSTAGE in front of 8,000 PEOPLE...but luckily, we pulled it off and it turned out GREAT! Brian has proved to be a great friend and an all around hoot to hang out with! I am proud to say that I got to pop his studio cherry too! I was amazed that in 20+ years of playing, he had never recorded! So, in 2007, while visiting from Australia and doing a few shows with us, I took Brian to Daveworld Studios out in Ambridge and recorded 16 songs in a blazing 3 hour session! You just try that with YOUR drummer and see how much you get done! The bulk of that session became my "7 More To Go" CD...which still , unfortunately, is in "release limbo". I don't know what I'm waiting for...but suffice to say, you'll be able to get it when you can. No sooner, no later. Brian is also on, obviously, our "LIVE In Australia" CD.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you a man who, in my humble opinion, should need no introduction; Mr. Ardie Dean. Back in 1991, I was privileged to be asked to join Laurence Beall & The Sultans for a handful of shows. Not only is Laurence one of my all-time favorite singers and songwriters, he had Ardie Dean with him on drums...and let me tell you, Ardie is 2nd to NONE! I have never met, seen, heard or worked with any drummer anywhere who plays so naturally and effortlessly. Sitting behind a set of early 20th century Slingerland Radio Kings, with calfskin heads and an amazing array of cymbals, Ardie just knocked it out song after song after song...and looked like he was almost ashamed at the amount of fun he was having doing it!  Ardie has the blues, rockabilly, jazz, country, and whatever else you want to throw at him chops DOWN! Since he and I last worked together, he's been playing with cats like Homesick James (Elmore's cousin) and Taj Mahal. As with most of the drummers I've enjoyed working with, he was a blast to hang out and party with too! My fave memories of him, though, are as follows: One day, he and the Sultans were at my house. My great aunt was living with me at the time, and as Ardie is as personable as he is a great drummer, he was charming the socks right off of my auntie! As they were talking, she informed him that her father had been a drummer (which could explain my fascination with the species). Ardie, always looking for cool old gear, just HAD to ask if perhaps any of my great grandfather's old gear was still around (alas, the answer was no). But Ardie asked this, in the sweetest way any man could. My aunt remembered this until the day she died. My other fave memory was, while we were out checking out pawn shops, Ardie noticed an old shop across the street that looked to be in the process of being cleaned out. Whatever it originally was, there was a fair bit of old boxes of music gear, speaker cabs, etc. in there. Ardie went to investigate. By the time the rest of us joined up with him, Ardie had snagged, for a whopping $1.75, some bit of vintage drum gear he had been searching for! I can't recall exactly what it was...but he told me it was worth at least $200! That's Ardie's luck for ya. Ardie is one drummer I would really love to work with again...especially in the studio!

George Borden, aka Georgie B! I've known this whackadoo for well over 30 years. We went to high school together but with the exception of a few jam sessions, never played together until the 21st century. George's main musical love would probably be heavy metal but he has proven to be no slouch in the rockabilly/honky tonk/blues/surf melange that I call music. George first played with me at a gig out in, I think, Penn Hills at some country joint we were playing. We'd kept in touch and as he only lived an hour or so away, he drove up to check out the band. Our drummer...in typical drummer fashion, had gotten so drunk he could barely sit on his drum throne let alone hit his snare. We asked George to sit in on a couple of songs so that "Drummer X" could sober up enough to finish the night. George did the entire set with us...cold. He'd never heard our stuff nor rehearsed in anyway with us. But he knocked it right out of the park! We asked him that night if he'd care to join the band...and he obliged us by agreeing to! "Drummer X" was out, George was in...and for the next couple of years, we had a blast bashing out 3 chord symphonies around the tri-state area and even managed a short tour of the upper east coast. Alas, all good things must come to an end. George, being a family man and a business man, had to bow out due to family and business concerns. We're still great friends and George still offers to sit in when he can. As I'm not currently performing much these days...it's a moot point. But one of these days...I WILL get George into the studio! I think that growing up together in the same area, with similar backgrounds, George and I have an innate ability to play well together. We've often shared the same tastes in music...and we seem to hit the same grooves. I get the feeling that when/if we record together...it's gonna knock your socks off!

Dan "Fess" Parker. Man, we're diggin' back into the OLD DAYS here! Fess and I first jammed together in Jimmy Robinson's mom's basement. Along with Jimmy and a friend of Fess' (I can't recall his name) we messed around playing some punk stuff. It never went anywhere though. A year or two later, Fess and Jimmy were playing in a rockabilly band called The Swingin' Caddilacs. I was asked to join on 2nd guitar but after a few weeks, the bass player quit. As I happened to own a bass...guess who became the bass player. Fess was the 1st drummer I worked with as part of the rhythm section. It was kind of odd. My musical mindset was punk. Fess' was heavy metal. Yet here we were, playing rockabilly every weekend for a few years. We had a blast and pretty much always made decent money.  We had our share of fun and wild times too! There was one joint we used to play, Nancy's Elbow Inn I think it was called. There was a small storage room where we stored our cases and such. It was also where the bar stored their cases of beer. I think you can see where this is going. We would get $150 a night to play there (nice money in the early 80s) plus free drinks. We would also, as we loaded out, help ourselves to a few extra cases of beer. Our reasoning? We didn't see it as "stealing"...more like "we were going to drink those anyway"...so we were just planning ahead. Fess's mom was the most supportive rock and roll mom you could ever want to find! Not only did she allow us to rehearse at her house, she would also let us bum smokes and in one particular instance, saved the 3 of us from being arrested and/or tarred and feathered. We had played at a VFW I think it was, somewhere out in the boonies. We'd left some gear there and made arrangements to go back the next to retrieve it. As it turns out, someone had stolen a flag and we were getting the blame! Ma Parker to the rescue! This little old gal gave 17 shades of unHoly Hell to the man accusing us and got us out of there unscathed!

Fess is and always was, a flashy performer. His drumming has always been excellent but he also puts on quite a show! And he's fun to drink with too...so he's definitely on the list!

 

1..2..3...BRUCE!!!!!!!!!! That's how it often was with Bruce. Bruce would be Bruce Martin. Not only the original drummer in The Legendary Tremblers but also one of the 1st drummers in The Rowdy Bovines. Don't get me wrong...Bruce is one HELLUVA drummer...but damn, he is the most nitpicky human being I have EVER met! He is forever tweaking his snare drum! I would've stolen his drum key from him...but knowing him, he would've had 3 more in his pocket! Bruce has always loved jazz and blues, so when I put The Tremblers together, he seemed like the natural choice. I wanted to attempt to do something a little different than your standard "rockabilly" band. I teamed him with Shawn "Lumpy" Moyer...fresh from years of playing bass in punk and Oi bands...and they did NOT get on well...at first. I could hear the potential between the two of them...but they couldn't...at first. Within a few rehearsals, they found their sound and also found that their personalities clicked well. They became, as I proudly referred to them (and they did themselves) The World's Angriest Rhythm Section! Luckily for the world at large, these two were able to channel that anger into rhythms that were so tight and so powerful that I was free to play whatever I wanted over top. It was a beautiful sound! But Bruce was always so damned nitpicky! I remember when we were recording our 1st album at Al Leatherwood's place in Cleveland. It was hot as hell. Even hotter in the studio. We were all shirtless and dripping with sweat. I went to count out a song...1...2..3...BRUCE!!!!!!!! There he was...tweaking that damned snare drum...AGAIN! I really have no clue what he thought he was hearing. We had the same mix going into all of our headphones. He was hearing SOMETHING. Or just trying (and succeeding) to piss us all off. Whatever...it worked. We recorded 10 songs, 9 of which were released. The recordings sound a bit thin to me today...but I plan to take the masters into the studio at some point and remix them a bit beefier and will rerelease them at some point. The only other (major) problem with Bruce was his need to kill things. I'm not saying that he's a burgeoning serial killer or anything...but he's a hunting enthusiast. Deer season, rabbit season, turkey season, gopher season, sasquatch season...he's out in the woods every weekend trying to kill something. Mind you, he's not a trophy hunter or anything. He eats what he kills. But...hunting every weekend makes it very difficult to gig every weekend. Sadly, I had to give him the boot around 2000. We got some great recordings together and we're still friends. Bruce sits in with us every once in a blue moon. Back in 2005, I booked a 10th anniversary show, and both Shawn and Bruce sat in on a handful of songs. I'll tell ya this for nothing...the 3 of us together still have the ability to change the air pressure in a room! It's just one of those chemistries that can't be duplicated by others. I'm not saying the other cats that have been in the band aren't as good...it's just never been the same chemistry. If I can ever get these two together again for a show, come on out...you'll see what I mean!

Jim Bleyer. The King of Cool himself. When I 1st met Jimmy 20 or more years ago, he was the King of Punk Rock. He had the look and the chops to bash the shit out of a drum kit. He was playing with Aus Rotten at the time. The Rowdy Bovines were notorious for going through rhythm sections. While a "rockabilly" band by reputation and style, we were often associated with the punk crowd...which was A-OK by me. We were gigging 3-5 times a week, every week. A lot of the regular musicians had days jobs (as did I) and couldn't always gig that often. A lot of the punks were either going to school part-time and partying the rest of the time, so we often dipped into the punk pool for bassists and drummers. That's how I first came to work with Bleyer. I met at the Circus Lounge out in Swissvale one night we were playing. He looked like he'd come off the cover of Punk & Disorderly! The next week, he was gigging with us...hair slicked back in a perfect pompadour! While never the flashiest drummer in the world, Jim lays down a rock solid backbeat thumping and oozing with punk rock energy. Say what you will...but punk rock and rockabilly ain't really that different. Never has been. Never will be. As Scotty Quay (formerly of Necrocedia, The Bad Genes, and Highway 13) was heard to say, "Old punks never die. They just join rockabilly bands". Jimmy Bleyer has for the past 20 years danced on the razor's edge between the two. He's equally at home in both genres. And I'm proud to say, he & I are working together again! He's playing on my latest single/video "Bye Bye". We don't have anything booked soon, but we'll be playing at The Street Lordz annual car cruise this summer. Come on out. You'll hear why I think Jimmy is one of the best! Or...you can download the new single. Or both. Up to you.

John "JD" Dauer, has been a friend for years. Since about 2003 or so, he's also been my "go to" guy on drums. JD is always ready to play...provided I can give him a little notice. Once again, his "audition" consisted of sitting for a few songs. We were playing at the Thunderbird Cafe one night and JD and his wife Cheryl came out to see us with my friend Kevin, who he was playing in a band with. "Drummer X" was well into the sauce, so we asked JD if he wanted to sit in on a couple of songs. Well, a couple of songs later and "Drummer X" was off at the end of the bar trying desperately to fit himself into a 16oz Budweiser bottle, so JD finished the night with us. He offered to sit in anytime. After our stint with Georgie B on drums, we had a number of shows lined up...but no drummer. So I asked JD if he was still interested and he hopped on! We rehearsed a bit (not that he really needed it) and away we went! JD has some powerful chops and has rather eclectic tastes in music. I'd gather that he gets that from his dad, who I was also proud to call my friend. JD never got to do any of the really BIG or super fun gigs with us...but he's always happy to play and he seems to have loads of fun doing it. When he plays with us, its very much Rock & Roll! JD is also a family man and a video director, so he has his plate full! If I was going to gig a lot, I'd make sure he was oiled and ready to go...because as we all know, drummers seem to load their schedules and can't always be relied upon to make EVERY show. LOL Like I said, as long as I give JD notice, he's ready. And if he can't make it, he gives me plenty of time to find a replacement. Ya gotta like that. A conscientious drummer! LOL Also, he's a fun guy to drink with too!. You can hear JD on our "Songs of the South" CD (a FREE download on MemphisMike.com). Or just come to a show...he MIGHT be playing!

 

Steve Sicurella...aka "Sick" or sometimes the "Sick Gorilla". Often confused as brothers, we were the final rhythm section for The Swingin' Caddilacs.  Steve was probably best known, at the time, as the drummer for the Unreal McCoys. When Jimmy Robinson and I would head west to New Philly on our gig-free weekends, we always looked forward to seeing these guys. They were just HIP! A few years down the road and Jimmy was married with a kid and living in New Philly. I landed there myself after dropping out of my 3rd college. We went through a few drummers and finally got Steve in the band and MAN! did he make a difference! Steve is one of the better rock and roll drummers you're gonna find! Rock solid, capable of flash on demand, and he plays some of the tastiest beats around. A great guy and often fun to drink with, Steve has sat in with The Tremblers numerous times, most notably at the 2002 Rockabilly Hall of Fame festival down in Jackson, TN. What a fun trip that was! Steve was pretty stoked as he got to use W.S. "Fluke" Holland's (Johnny Cash's drummer; also played on the original "Blue Suede Shoes") drums! Steve, I think it's fair to say, impressed everyone in attendance. He also showed his incredible skills as we were asked, at the  last minute, to back Wanda Feathers (Charlie's daughter) and original SUN rockabilly Rayburn Anthony, as well as playing our set and sets with Billy Poore and LesLee "Bird" Anderson. Steve just pounded away behind these cats (and kittens) like he'd been doing so for years! I'll admit that Steve was a little star-struck meeting the likes of Wanda Jackson, Sam Phillips, etc. But he took it all in stride.  One of these days, we need to do a Caddies reunion. It'd be fun to play with Steve again. Until then, if you run into him, be sure to ask him about the "Sam Phillips zipper story". Heh heh heh.... 

Gary Weiss. While we've never officially been in a band together, we've played together a number of times. Gary used to play with (my hero) Link Wray as well as Minnesota's Vibro Champs. He was also my "go to" guy when I produced the AJ & The Two Timers CD. Gary is a walking, talking, living, breathing encyclopedia of drum beats. I can play just about anything, and he's right in the pocket! Solid, flashy and a helluva showman too! It doesn't matter what the music is, Gary can play it. When I 1st started doing acoustic shows a few years back, it started with a one-off, last minute totally acoustic show at Howlers. It was a Saturday night and the bands all canceled. Gary and I were both there, as was Andy Weigel. Gary and Andy had been playing together in The Cocktail Shakers, so they managed to throw together some acoustic gear and we just played in the corner for hours. We had a blast! I did another show with them, and then did a few acoustic blues shows with Gary and Frank Fornsaglio. Gary and I often joke about doing shows with a certain well-known country/rockabilly singer. This guy will pull out the most amazingly awful covers to do...and he'll do them well...just kinda laughable to play. Gary and I both share a lot of touring experience and oddball senses of humor, so aside from being a killer drummer to work with, he's a hoot to hang out with. He does some great plaster work too! I look forward to recording with him again...SOON I hope!

If you want a top notch drummer, Danny Basone is the kind of drummer you want. His chops are amazing and he can also be economical...both in terms of not overplaying, as well as being able to play a small kit. He used to play this tiny little drum kit but would get the biggest damned sound I ever heard! Danny & I played together for a while in the mid 80s in The Swingin' Caddilacs. I'm not sure how it all came together, really. I knew Danny from living in Kent. Danny was playing with The Diffi Cult & The Twist Offs. His brother Bob was playing bass with (one of my all-time fave bands) The Walking Clampetts. I'd see Danny at shows, at parties, or just walking down the street. Anyhow, Danny somehow or other wound up playing drums for the Caddies for a while. He was amazing to watch. It never looked like he he was moving much, but the drums would just POUND and he would be drenched. He told me the secret was playing from his wrists rather than his arms. Damn, I think back and he just astounded me. His timing was always impeccable, his beats were right on the money and always interesting as hell. Our time working together didn't last long but it left a definite mark on my playing. Danny became the drummer that I measured other drummers by. He was really that good. He's a bit of an oddball...but funny as hell. We knocked back our share of drinks back in the day. I see him once every few years up in Akron. It'd be a hoot to jam with him again sometime!

Mike Quinlan. Man O man...talk about one helluva drummer! His drumming is akin to Bobby Fisher playing chess! He's talented and he thinks his parts out in advance. He's also one helluva sweet guy too! A family man with a good job. Mike has played with numerous bands around these parts for decades. He's the kind of drummer you want. But he's also the kind that will drive you crazy. If you've been reading this piece...he's "Drummer X".  That said, I'll never look down my nose at anyone who has a drink. I've been known to drink Welshmen under the table at their own pub. But Mike...well...he gets forgetful. He forgets things like...his snare drum. Or kick pedal. Or sticks. He also doesn't drive...which means somebody has to go get him AND his gear. But...he's so good that ya don't mind...at first. I'll tell you this for nothing...in the studio...drummers don't get much better than this! If you've ever heard my "Back From The Dead" CD, that's Mike's drumming and percussion on there. And here's a story you may not have heard...for the 1st two and a half days that we were recording that album...he couldn't hear anything!!!!!!!! It seems his earphones weren't working. He just didn't want to be a bother and complain, so he just played it all purely from watching ME through the control room window! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Luckily, he's so good of a drummer that it didn't matter! He also came up with really cool, unique beats and in the studio, would suggest handclaps, cowbells, and all sorts of nifty percussion ideas. On the closest thing I've ever had to a hit ("Jingle Bell Boogie", which sat at #1 on the old MP3.com back in the early 21st century), it was just Mike and I playing. And damn...he made that song! He decided to change the beat up in a few different spots and it really made all the difference in the song. Like I said, he's a great guy, a helluva drummer, a blast to hang out with...but he became my worst nightmare at the end. I still run into him often. He has no hard feelings. Who knows, maybe I'll drag him into the studio again one of these days. While he's a great live drummer, he's even better in the studio!

Bob Ebersol, aka Max Bangwell. Here's the funny part. Bob and I have never met...yet since the late 80s, have worked on dozens and dozens of songs together! That's the magic of multitrack recording. The band doesn't even need to be in the same room at the same time! Pretty much almost anything that Alan Leatherwood has released since "Burn It" has had both Bob & I on it. I've always enjoyed hearing his drumming, and on the songs where his parts were recorded before mine, I tried to play to his drumming. I guess he was sort of forced to play with my parts when I recorded first. It's an odd way to work but it's worked out well. It really makes you think and play a bit differently...which is part of Leatherwood's genius. Bob/Max is out on the west coast now. Last I heard he's been playing with Whiteboy James and a few others. I saw a photo of him backing Mick Jagger at some blues club a few years back...so I'm guessing he's (deservedly) quite in demand out there. If you listen to his work with Leatherwood, you can hear why. Bob/Max, if you read this...one of these days, it would be nice to actually work with you in person! LOL Although, it may ruin our chemistry! LOL

There are 2 drummers out there that I would like to work with...and if I can make it happen, it will. Wild Bob Burgos (over there in Merry Olde Rutland) aka The Tattooed Sledgehammer of R&R is one. He & I have talked about it for 10 years. Just hasn't happened yet. I better get to work on this! The other is Joey Myers...formerly of The Forbidden Pigs. Joey is a demon on drums. Years ago, he, Ronnie James Weber (Little Charlie & The Nightcats. Fabulous Thunderbirds) and I talked about putting a band together. Only problem was...you couldn't put any two of us in the same room without us getting blind drunk! Might make rehearsing a tad difficult. LOL But we're all older and hopefully wiser now...so who knows, maybe one of these days.

Drummers. Love them or hate them, ya gotta have them. Drum machines suck. Samples are a snooze. There is NOTHING like a live drummer pounding the skins. Keith Richards will tell you, it's Charlie Watts that makes the Rolling Stones and keeps them together. If Charlie quits, the Stones will cease to exist. The drummers listed above have all helped make me the musician I am today...for better or for worse. I love you guys!

-MM

The New Stooges (aka The Nooges)! NYUK NYUK NYUK!

The young'un and I just got home from seeing the new 3 Stooges flick...and let me tell ya, WE BOTH LOVED IT!!!!!

While there will never be a replacement for the original Stooges, Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, and Chris Diamantopoulos did a truly nyuk-worthy job. The Horwitz boys and Mr. Feinberg are all probably looking down from comedy heaven with a sense of pride. Alas...no Shemp...but it's early days.

If you're expecting amazing cinema...this ain't it. If you're expecting hi tech...this ain't it. If you're expecting heart-wrenching drama....why the hell would you expect that from a Stooges flick you knucklehead???? What this is, without giving away any plot details, is pure Stooges slapstick FUN! All of the old gags and names are there...plus a few new ones. It's everything you watch the Stooges for.

Kudos to Jane Lynch, Sofía Vergara, and Jennifer Hudson for not trying to upstage the Stooges (which let's be honest...can't be done). These ladies are all well-known in their own right and add to the movie without trying to steal scenes. They look like they just had FUN with it! The rest of the cast all did their parts well, all the while letting the "Nooges"(new Stooges) be Stooge-y...and it WORKED! Even the seemingly ill-fated cameos by Snooki & Co. WORKED WELL!

Kudos to Larry David as Sister Mary-Mengele! With the possible exception of Jack Plotnick, no one else could've done this role! Should the Farrelly Bros. opt to make more Stooges films...I can only hope they keep Larry David (or perhaps Jack Plotnick) in mind for character parts...really worked well with the "Nooges".

My only gripe isn't with the movie at all. It's with the Farrelly Bros. (or perhaps the movie's insurance company) insisting on a "don't try these gags at home kids!" warning at the end of the movie. Listen people, if you're stupid enough to hit someone in the head with a hammer and expecting to hear it go "BOOOOOIIIIINNNNNNNNNK" instead of causing severe trauma or death, you're an idiot. Plain and simple. One would assume that any parent taking their kid to see this movie would most likely explain this to the kid...not leave it up to the Farrelly Brothers.

If you like the 3 Stooges (and really, who doesn't?)...go see this flick! It was nice to have the chance to go see a new film and not feel patronized. We went in expecting the Stooges and Stooges is what we got! And with that, I'll leave you with a nyuk nyuk nyuk!

BOYCOTT CORPORATE ARTISAN CRAP

Lately, I've been hearing the word "artisan" far too much. Allow me to clear up the definition:

Definition of ARTISAN
1: a worker who practices a trade or handicraft : craftsperson
2: one that produces something (a cheese or wine) in limited quantities often using traditional methods

That said, I do NOT think that Domino's Pizza, Dunkin Donuts, Panerra Bread or anything from Giant Eagle (or most chain grocery stores) qualifies.

Yes, I'm aware that this is very nitpicky of me. Once in a while, that's how I am. But in all seriousness, I don't like CORPORATIONS ripping folks off...which is what they're doing here...moreso than usual.

Over the years, I have enjoyed many things made by true artisans. A fine wine that no one has ever heard of; a hand-made guitar by someone most have never heard of, a hand-made sweater of exceptional quality, these are examples of true artisans. Cheap, processed crap thrown together haphazardly in a factory somewhere by someone who may or may not have had an ENTIRE DAY's worth of training DOES NOT QUALIFY.

My other problem: while this is still just cheap, processed crap, these corporations feel that by adding the word 'artisan' to their product, that YOU the consumer won't mind paying EXTRA for it. This is just how stupid corporations think people are.

I personally boycott ANYTHING that advertises itself as "artisan". I think everyone should. It might send the message to the corporate world that the master plan ain't working. Alas...it probably is.

If you want a truly artisan pizza, don't go to Dominos (which is owned by an Irish family, the Doyles....which could explain why it tastes NOTHING like Italian pizza). Find a popular local mom & pop pizza shop (always the best). Same with bagels. Find a small bakery, preferably in an area with a high Jewish concentration. I'm not stereotyping here, I'm going to the source! While I'm known for making a wicked gumbo, I can guarantee you that most cajun grandmas make it better.

Most of my friends already probably boycott the crap. But to those out there that aren't...go for the real thing...the good stuff...not the processed corporate crap. Oftentimes, it will cost LESS, be of better quality, and will further the traditions of true artisans.

BOYCOTT CRAP...especially if it has the word "artisan" on it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head into the kitchen to make an artisan midnight snack. Fried leftover ham on toast...just the way my grandmother taught me to make it...and her grandmother before her.

Republicans 2012: Diversionary Tactics

Everyone seems to have an opinion about the Republicans running for their party's Presidential nomination. For the most part, the opinion seems to be that those running are idiots. Everyone is pointing out how 'out of touch' and misogynistic the Republicans are. But are they really?

Here's my thought. With all of the Republicans in the US, are Romney & Santorum really the best they could come up with...or is something else afoot?

Let's be honest; Mitt Romney & Rick "Mr. Frothy" Santorum are both clowns. And as such, they are doing what clowns do best - entertain and make people laugh. Neither is likely to ever be President of these United States. So then, what's the point?

Diversion. Not DIVISION, Diversion. It's so simple yet so effective, it's almost genius in it's strategy. The Republicans obviously don't WANT the Presidency. With 242 Republicans in the House of Representatives and 47 in the Senate, the GOP can pretty effectively pass whatever laws they want or disrupt any proceedings they want. Keeping Obama in office gives them a perfect media smokescreen to do whatever the hell they want.

Think about it. The media will, as always, only focus on the biggest, most obvious picture. In this case, The President and his battles with Congress. The media will focus on actions, not details. Most Americans will feel that this is just enough news for them and base their opinions solely on that. In short, it's the perfect con job!

Any magician knows that the key is misdirection. Get the audience to look where you want them to look while he/she performs their slight of hand trickery. By the time 2016 rolls around, we'll all be trying to figure out just how we all got screwed again.

Here's an idea: what say we all throw in some magic of our own. Throw out every single incumbent politician. Not just the obvious ones that we don't like....ALL of them. It's time for a do-over. Do away with the career criminals, er um, politicians. Do away with their getting fat on our dimes. It's time to rethink how politics is done in the US. I don't mean a new form of government (let's face it, we'd screw that up too. We can't even handle a 2 party system). No more careerists. No more allowing them to vote their pay raises. No more perks. Remind these clowns just who the hell they work for!

In the meantime, watch out for the Republicans. They're playing a mighty slick game right now...and it's working.

April Fools Day

April 1. April Fools Day. Love it or hate, it happens every year.

As I've always liked to see myself as a jovial sort, I've always enjoyed the day. I like a good joke and prank as much, if not more, than the next person. This day pretty much is like having a license to be a goof!

I must admit that I really miss working at the sheltered workshop most on April Fools Day. If you're unfamiliar with what a sheltered workshop is, it's basically a place where folks with special needs learn vocational skills. I worked at one for about 10-12 years. It was a hoot! It was hard work but always enjoyable...especially when one of the individuals we worked with exceeded their own expectations.

What was ALWAYS fun was April Fools Day. At least 100 times each and every April Fools Day, I would be told "Your shoe's untied! April Fools!". I always knew to expect it and I relished it every time. I would take that moment to try to teach the folks to not be predictable...to think up a NEW gag and try again later. And they always tried! Some even came up with some good ones!

It was always great because that was the one day that all of the folks we worked with felt pretty much equal. Laughter is really the great equalizer. These folks would play pranks on each other as well as the staff. Sure, there was always one grumpy gus who would get cranky about it (usually a staff member) but the majority of us loved it. To this day, I still expect someone to tell me that my shoe is untied...regardless of whether or not I'm wearing loafers!

To all of my former clients...THANK YOU! I miss each and every one of you. I think that in the scheme of things, they taught me more than I ever taught them.

So, the next time someone plays a harmless prank on you...go with it. Have fun. Life is too short to be serious all the time. And ya never know...you just may learn something. And you may even be surprised just who teaches you a lesson.

YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED!!!!!!! APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!